melee

Premiership Champions Once More

2012-01-26T12:35:00.006Z

So it's been a long time since the blog was updated and catching up on 6 weeks needs a pretty decent memory but one thing I know for certain, Melee are champions once again of the LDN Westminster Premier league.

So let's start with a quick recap:

Our old nemesis beats us again with a less than perfect result, with the game tied at 3-3, late Buckies goals cost Melee once again.
Melee 3 - 6 Buckies Up

Melee returned with a must win game, easily dominating their opposition. Jack on fire scoring 4, one lovely volley from miles out
On Her Majesty's Cervix 3 - 8 Melee

The game that never was. Jamie redknapps turned up with 2 men and proceeded to get Buckies Up ringers in for the match. Melee lost 7-5 but the game was re-arranged due to league regulation rules. Huge decision by the FA
Did Jamie Rednapp Smash It P P Melee

A new team replacing Hoylake turned up for their first game and got taught a lesson in how to play 5-a-side. An obvious 11-a-side team with lots of talent are ones to watch out for next season. Team performance was high and the return of Dave S was a massive boost.
Barnes Ballers 2-6 Melee

Another must win game againt East A+Rick was vintage Melee. Marking their star striker out of the game Foz and Pils did an awesome job. Goals were shared around and could have been many more
Melee 8-4 East Anglia + Rick

Again another defeat to Buckies Up left the title in the balance. A woeful Melee got torn apart by great passing. A lack of team togetherness and perhaps naive tactics led to another loss against them. However Melee did win the last 3 mins 2-0 with a beuaty from Jack and Kev at the end.
Melee 3-9 Buckies Up

And so to last night. With two games in one night to end the season Melee needed at least 4 points to take the title. First up was the rematch of the match that never was against Jamie Redknapps. Melee started knowing they were the better side even with 4 players as Fabio turned up fashionably late for kick off. Melee quickly got off to a good start scoring early. The game didn't seem to flow nicely and was a bit gritty but Melee always showed their class scoring when they needed to. Scores finished 6-1 with only a pen getting past super Fab. Every outfield on the team sheet got a goal - jack Dave with a screamer Chris P and kev 3

With only a half hour break until the final game of the season it was clear what was required from the team. With no subs everyone had to dig deep and pull together to grind out the result and that was exactly what Melee did. The game again was on a knife edge,swinging backwards and forwards.1-0(shocking og from kev),1-1,2-1,2-2,3-2,3-3 with such a tight game nerves were on the edge as we went into the last 5 mins. With everyone working hard it seemed destined that Melee might throw the game away but with Pils already scoring an absolute driven beauty you thought Melee just had something more up their sleeves. with Fab making a save a long range effort hitting the bar you could say lady luck was on Melees side as a free kick was given for dubious hand ball on the edge of the box and was taken quickly rolled to jack who slotted home. With time running low Her Majesty's cervix pushed forward and the ball broke to Kev who just rounded the keeper to secure the victory and championship title. Once again everyone was on the score sheet as this time around Pils gets to take home the massive trophy for his mantelpiece!

What made the victory even sweeter is the Buckies Up our old enemies think they won the league but will wake to find themselves second. As Jack put it there couldn't be a better feeling to get one over them - if only we could see their faces!

Roll on next season where Melee defend there title once again, in what looks to be the toughtest season yet!

Special mention to Foz who missed the final game through illness but deserves praise for his seasons performance. Thanks also to Mark Fenwick, Fab's mate from south america, Jamie from Nicks work and Chris O who all made appearances this season.

In the Dogs House

2011-12-01T13:02:00.000Z

Game 3 of the season was against East Anglia + Rick, one of the promoted teams from last year currently sitting at the bottom of the prem table.

In only what could be described as a dogged performance,Melee dug deep worked hard and pulled off a very tight 6-5 victory after coming from behind.

Chris O'Neill made his return to the Melee shirt after a long period out that some are saying was an 'emotional issue'. Mark Fenwick again joined the ranks becoming an ever more present regular, with Fab, Pils and Kev finishing the team

East A got off to a good start scoring early before two Mark goals gave Melee the lead, one of which was a fine strike from wide on the right side. Half time scores were 2-2

As the game started to open up tonnes of shots started to pepper both goals, with Fab on all time top form making a string off saves that Guianluca Buffon would be proud of.

Chris O got on the scoresheet after a well worked move before East A banged a couple in from the ginger kid up front who was by far their best player. Scores were 4-3 to them.

Kev then hit a left footed shot from distance to level it up. Mark rounded the last man before being bought down, which led to the sin bin for the East A defender. Surprisingly with 4 men East A scored to take a 5-4 lead going into the last few mins.

Melee didn't give up with legs running out, a well worked free kick saw Pils toe punt a beauty into the corner 5-5 with the teams now back at 5 a piece.

Fab pulled off a couple off majestic saves,one little touch prevented an easy tab in. Melee broke from their defence in a sweeping move leaving O'Neill through on goal. After rounding the keeper only a last ditch slide from the defender stopped the goal but the rules state that slides are not allowed and a penalty was given. Kev slotted it home, Melee win 6-5. Dogged.

Make Shift

2011-11-24T19:04:00.002Z

This week an absentee crisis hit Melee for the rematch against Hoylake FC, with injuries, tennis, work and women all causing selection headaches that resulted in two ringers Tom Parker and Jamie bought in from Fozs work making his debut. Mark Fenwick joined the team making his 5th appearance for the club

With lots to play for early in the season the make shift team started with Foz in goal, although this didn't seem to affect Melee who got off to a great start with Jamie opening his account on debut. Hoylake came back into it with a sneaky goal of the inside post before Kev put Melee back up in front.

With Melee playing the better football more goals followed, Jamie again on the scoresheet after some neat play from Mark to set him up and Pils bagged his customary goal with a superb finish. Hoylake came back into the game towards the end of the half leaving Melee leading 4-2

With the team rotating Kev took over the goalie gloves after the break. The game started to become very tiring with Melee working hard to keep with the opposition. Getting pegged back deep into their own half Melee found themselves playing on the counter attack. This didn't seem to work as lots of shots started to come at the Melee end, resulting in two goals for Hoylake, despite good defending from Pils and Foz.

Quickly after the Hoylake goal a lovely bit of skill from Jamie took on two players to slot home giving Melee the upper hand with 5mins left to play. Even after the goal Melee struggled to get out their half, giving the ball away and legs started to tire. With all this Melee dug deep, putting in some last minute tackles and watching shots fly wide and over. It wasn't until the last kick of the game that some poor defending led to a Hoylake player nicking the ball and a week shot bounced into Kev who just didn't save the shot. Gutting end to a truly gusty performance with only a few regulars on show. Thanks to those who turned up last minute

The draw sets up the season nicely with some interesting games to be played out

a couple of photos from the glory night

2011-11-15T14:54:00.000Z

'the greatest ever Melee team'?

2011-11-10T10:42:00.004Z

There are certain moments in life that define who you are, conjure what you believe in and even alter the course of history. Last night became one of those moments - Melee London Westminster PitchInvasion Premier League Winners. There are suggestions from some that this side has now become 'the greatest Melee team of all time' and who could blame them with 2 back to back promotions followed by the premierships number 1 spot.

With Hoylake FC and Melee level on points at the top of the table with one game to play it felt like a cup final atmosphere on a mild novembers night. With the stakes at an all time high and the excitement of witnessing greatest the game drew in Melees biggest crowd of the season as friends and family gathered in anticipation of the winning that title trophy

Hoylake kicked off and started very physically whilst knocking the ball around, as did Melee with slightly more style and movement. However some quick closing down from both teams made it tricky to string many passes together. Melee once again began with their now traditional slow start and conceded by getting caught at the back. 1-0. Melee definitely knew they were in for a game.

A response followed after some nice play, Fabio rolling the ball out onto Kev who slotted home from the angle. 1-1. Melee now into the game started to create chances with a couple of near misses before Jack buried a lovely half volley with the keeper out of his goal. 2-1. Again some long balls from the opposition keeper were causing issues in the defence and one broke favourably to a Hoylake player who finished nicely before half time. 2-2.

Melee started the second half well and quickly got back after some lovely interchange in midfield leaving Pils to slot just pass the out rushing keeper. 3-2. Suddenly the game started to change and out of Melees control. Hoylake came back into it and started to get the upper hand,applying a great deal of pressure with Melee resigned to playing on the break. This didn't pay off and soon more of the long ball stuff started to work, Hoylake with two quick goals. Suddenly 4-3 up.

Melee needed a response as the game could have run away from them and it came in the the unusual form of Nicky Foster who hit an absolute humdinger from distance,driven low under the corner with mesmerising velocity. What a time to pull your best goal for Melee out of the hat. 4-4.

However once again long ball proved difficult to deal with and a very scrapy goal led to another tap in for Hoylake. Melee down once again 5-4.

With time running short Melee knew they needed that one goal to draw level and take the title on goal difference. Some frantic play at either end left the crowd on the edge of their seat. Once more Foz gave the Melee fans something to cheer about as tensions rose, by being in the right place at the right time, finding himself out of position in the oppositions penalty box. After some short passes and some blocked tackles the ball fell at Foz's feat for him to cooly slot home into the corner in true Robbie Fowler style (the first and last time Foz will ever be referred to as skills like God!). 5-5

With more heart in the mouth stuff at either end, one goal either way would turn the game once again. Wave after wave came from Hoylake with Fabio pulling off a string of majestic saves taking his total to way into double figures for the game and picking up his man of the match performance for keeping Melee in the game. With the opposition keeper getting desperate and coming up in attack, the ball broke to Fabio whose long range effort only just drifted wide. The game could have gone either way but a quick counter attack saw a one two three between Jack, Kev and Pils, leaving Pils free on the left to shoot at goal. The ball deflected off the keeper straight back across goal where Kev followed up to smash the ball home and give Melee that all important cushion right before the final whistle. Melee 6 - 5 Hoylake. - Melee crowned Premiership champions to the sounds of the fans singing Champione, Champione, Ole, Ole, Ole. WHAT. A. GAME. what a season.

Special thanks has to go out to Justyn who came and didn't manage to get on, Dave S for his performances earlier in the season before injury, his Dad Vince for the support and the couple of Janes who made it along to cheer on Melee too.

The table reads so sweetly, with Melee sitting right at the top

MELEE MELEE MELEE

2011-11-03T10:40:00.003Z

Last nights 4-1 win against QP AUNT FC was a vital result in what has turned out to be the premiership turning week of the season.

Jack scored a brilliant hat-trick, including one off his back from a goalkick, a long range passing effort and a lovely finish after a superb team move. Pils scored the other goal with a sweeping finish in pure gareth bale style.

With Kev sick as a parrot the rest of the team carried him with Foz, Pils and Jack all putting in that extra 10%. Some good saves from Fabio were important as goal difference now plays a big part in the league title.

After an unexpected result last night Acapulco Tropical defeated Buckies Up which made them slide down the table to 3rd place. This leaves Melee and Hoylake FC level at the top of the table. What makes it even more exciting is that Melee take on Hoylake next week for the big premiership decider. MASSIVE GAME.

Bring all your fans next week to cheer on Melee in what will no doubt be a classic.

Melee punish The Punishers once again

2011-10-27T11:47:00.001+01:00

On the night of Weds 26th Oct Melee took to the field in what some where saying pre match was already a guaranteed victory against the team who followed Melee up to the premiership ‘The Punishers’. With such an aggressive name you would have though the Melee team might be slightly worried but another convincing 9-3 win took Melees total vs The Punishers to 24-7 from three games.

So it’s been a few weeks since the blog was updated. There has been holidays, injuries and gigs preventing a regular team from playing together, however two excellent wins over Steaua Needarest and Acapulco Tropical were preceded by Melee’s only defeat in 17 to current league leaders Buckies Up. A shock result last night saw Hoylake FC beat Buckies Up 6-5 to leave three teams all joint at the top of the league, leaving all to play for in the remaining two fixtures including a massive game for Melee vs. Hoylake to end the season.

Although last nights game had a little bit of a testimonial atmosphere Melee played some nice football at times whilst not getting into top gear. One first half goal from each of the outfield team took the score to 4-2, which could have been many more – Foster scoring a cracker from wide right into the corner which kept up his pre match warm up screamers. Chris P also deserves mention for his cultured finish with the outside of his foot into the far corner.

Second half saw the goals start to flow although sloppy mistakes by the opposition defence did help the fact. Jack and Kev completed their hat tricks with some nice interchanges and link play. Foz grabbed a second to his delight. The scores could have been less favourable if their shooting was any good and Fab didn’t make quite a few decent saves, one special with his back! Final score 9-3

So as this season draws to a close goal difference could be the difference between 1st and 3rd. Two massive games to come – exciting times for Melee.

Xmas team curry is also on the cards – details to follow!

Welcome to the big league

2011-09-29T09:47:00.003+01:00

After securing promotion last year Melee took to the field in the first ever Premiership game in the London Westminster league. With no prior experience at this level no-one knew how Melee would fair against top rate opposition called “Did Jamie Redknapp Smash It” – an ode to the infamous Richard Keys quote.

The game started tightly with chances at either end. Fabio making quite a few brilliant saves that seemed to all hit off the outside off the post. However it wasn’t all one way traffic and an early Kev shot hit the inside of the post. After some tense play and the possesion going back and forth the deadlock was finally broken by a long range effort from Kev and as soon as that happened the flood gates seemed to open in Melee’s favour. High pressing from the midfield of Chris and Mark (making his return to Melee after 3months out with that all to familiar ‘too much football now I’m in nearly 30 injury) meant that the opposition started to give the ball away for the first time. Melee capitalised on that and 4 more goals followed before half time, Kev picking up 3 and Chris Pils with a cultured finish. Half time 5-0. Roll on the premier league!

Organisation through out was key and Nick and Fabio shouted orders from the back which set out a solid formation and made it very hard for Melee to be broken down – leaving Jamie Redknapps to have only pop shots from range that Fabio eats up for breakfast. Some of the passing in the second half was sublime, interchange between Mark and Pils was great and some lovely one touch goals saw the total quickly rack up to 10-0, with Pils picking up a few more, Mark with a classy curler into the far corner and Kev tapping one in after the keeper fell over in a comical moment.

With no subs the pace started to slow as legs got tired and the away team got a couple back after what was some lovely skill in fairness. The game ended up 11-2 with all players on cloud 9 after their debut prem performance. With Melee’s rating at ‘dangerous’ the scouting sharks are floating round the team, with ‘big money offers’ on the cards from other teams and coaches ‘wanting to take on a winning side’ there could be a view that some of the team might be tempted to move on. But with a strong squad a team morale at an all time high surely even Man City can’t afford to bring in any of this Melee team (even Foz on his huge basic salary)

With Foz and Kev out next week there is a huge game pending against the team that won the Premiership the last 3 seasons and have not lost in 19 games. Can Melee continue their own 14 game wining streak? Some stats on the teams are below: looks like a massive one!

MELEE STATS

RECENT GAMES
Average Goals scored in last 3 games: 11.33 (way above average)
Average Goals conceded in last 3 games: 2.33 (around the same as average)
Overall recent form: 9 / 10

RECENT RESULTS
2011-09-28 won 11-2 vs Did Jamie Rednapp Smash It
2011-09-21 won 11-3 vs Inter Tavolato
2011-09-14 won 12-2 vs On Her Majesty's Cervix

LEAGUE TITLES
Season ending 2011-08-03 LDN Westminster Division 1
Season ending 2011-09-21 LDN Westminster Championship

THIS SEASON'S STATS
Total won: 1
Total drawn: 0
Total lost: 0
Total points: 3
Total goals for: 11
Total goals against: 2
Goal difference: 9

STREAKS
Longest winning streak 14 wins from 29-06-2011 to 28-09-2011
Longest losing streak 3 losses from 11-05-2011 to 25-05-2011

GOALS
Goals scored ever: 135
Average goals per game: 6.14
Goals conceded ever: 59
Overall goal difference: 76
Greatest thrashing ever given: vs On Her Majesty's Cervix 14-09-2011 (won 12-2)
Greatest thrashing ever taken: vs Steaua Needarest 11-05-2011 (lost 11-3)
Most goals in single game: vs On Her Majesty's Cervix 14-09-2011 (won 12-2)

NEXT WEEKS GAME

“Battle of the big hitters! Both Melee and Buckies Up are looking unstoppable this season, and both these teams have been scoring goal after blistering goal in the past few weeks. Buckies Up, we reckon, are the underdogs and Melee could win this game, but could our prediction be accurate? Lets wait and see!”

BUCKIES UP (19 games undefeated)

RECENT GAMES
Average Goals scored in last 3 games: 6.33 (way above average)
Average Goals conceded in last 3 games: 2.67 (way below average)
Overall recent form: 10 / 10

RECENT RESULTS
2011-09-28 won 8-3 vs QP Aunt FC
2011-09-21 drew 3-3 vs QP Aunt FC
2011-09-14 won 8-2 vs Acapulco Tropical

LEAGUE TITLES
Season ending 2011-04-27 LDN Westminster Championship
Season ending 2011-06-15 LDN Westminster Premiership
Season ending 2011-08-03 LDN Westminster Premiership
Season ending 2011-09-21 LDN Westminster Premiership

THIS SEASON'S STATS
Total won: 1
Total drawn: 0
Total lost: 0
Total points: 3
Total goals for: 8
Total goals against: 3
Goal difference: 5

STREAKS
Longest winning streak 17 wins from 25-05-2011 to 14-09-2011
Longest losing streak 5 losses from 17-03-2010 to 14-04-2010

GOALS
Goals scored ever: 613
Average goals per game: 5.42
Goals conceded ever: 444
Overall goal difference: 169
Greatest thrashing ever given: vs On Her Majesty's Cervix 04-05-2011 (won 13-0)
Greatest thrashing ever taken: vs QPR B Team 20-01-2010 (lost 11-0)
Most goals in single game: vs Becrypt FC Allstars 22-12-2010 (won 15-6)

The Table Never Lies

2011-09-22T15:07:00.003+01:00

In football they say the table never lies:

Played 7, Won 7, Goal For 56, Goals Against 16 - An unbeaten goal fest of a season

Melee rounded off the championship season last night with an emphatic win over Inter Travaloto. In what some would describe as a non-event, testimonial or 'pointless' game Melee proved they were still up for it and put in a worthy champions performance with a 13-3 victory.

The team consisting of Josh ‘the cat’ Featherby in goal, Spike and Jack on their second games, old man Kev, young whipper snapper Dave and that silky lefty Chrissy P who filled in at the back for an absent nikky f. The team did what was required with a flurry of goals in the second half sealing the result. The game started very tight and was fairly even up to half time. Melee led 2-1 and it was expected to be a low scoring game. However this turned out not to be the case and as soon as Melee got a couple clear the floodgates opened and goals came freely as the opposition heads went down and their enthusiasm drained.

A lovely finish to the season saw all outfield players get on the scoresheet:
Spike 2, Jack 1, Kev 4, Dave 3 and Chris P 2
This adds up to 12 as no one can remember the other goal!

So the real test starts next week when the team moves up to the Prem. With team absences over the next few weeks it is going to be a real test to see if Melee can continue this 13 match winning streak. But for right now it is chance for Melee to be crowned double Champions.

Well done everyone in the squad for a unbelieveable season

The Glory Days are Back.............

2011-09-15T15:03:00.002+01:00

Wednesday the fourteenth of September two thousand and eleven was a glorious late summers evening. The majority of the footballing world was focused on the return of the champions league, however few could have failed to notice the statement of intent melee sent out to their rivals and indeed the world.

This weeks game saw Melee tackle their closed rival in the league in the form of On Her Majesty’s Cervix. A win for melee would secure the title with a game to go, and loss would take the league to its final week.

The match started in Melee's usual style, as they arrogantly knocked the ball about, sizing up their opponents. Melee’s early pressing effectively killed their opponents attacking endeavors. Sensing blood, melee pounced, sweeping the ball from one side of the pitch to the other, resulting in a neat one-two on the edge of the box releasing Kev through for a neat finish passed the keeper.

Alex Ferguson would later say that evening “It was a fantastic finish by the young lad”, huge praise indeed for the Melee talisman.

From this moment on the flood gates opened, and melee made it 4.0 by half time, with Kev completing his hat trick and Dave powering home from close range.

After this the heavens opened, it stated raining goals!! Not to be out down by this striking partner Dave hit a brace of goals with one a particularly stunning move involving an inspired one-two with Chris P.

Roberto Mancini would later say “Those two have a great understanding of each other and the game”.

Melee were all over their opponents like a fat kid eating cake and by this time were not only playing against the opponents, they were also playing against the referee. This led to the melee boys pushing on for more, unfortunately, they were caught! (Caught by a throw in that the ref got wrong). A three on one brake was too much even for the heroics of Fabio. Although this did little for the score, (10-1 at this stage). it did bring an end to the longest period without conceding a goal in melee 5-aside history of 58 minutes.

The game ended 12-2 with every outfield player finding their way onto the scoresheet. The result secured back-to-back promotions and Melee now find themselves in the (London Westminster) Premier League.

The win also extends Melee’s winning run to 12 games which spans back to the 29th of June. Pitch-invasion has now labeled Melee’s form with a Treat level of 10/10 which is the highest praise the website will give.

The win has also prompted the melee fan base to swell as a promise of a fan to cheer on the team when they lift the title next week. Melee hasn’t seen this type of fan base since the North London Powerleague tournament last May, in which 3 Fans made the journey. Our treasured fans though know how to keep their teams feet on the ground as on that occasion they let half way through to go shoe shopping. One fan was quoted as saying “the pitches smelled too much so we thought we’d nip to the shops”.

In melee we trust.

Goal Scorers 14.09.11

Kev 5
Dave 5
Chris P 1
Nick 1

Records:

Personal
Longest period without conceding a goal in 5-aside – Fabio – 58 mins
Most balls kicked over the fence in one game – Small guy for OHMC – 3 times

Team
Longest winning streak – 12 games

One touch little triangles

2011-09-08T14:09:00.001+01:00

The fifth game of the Championship season was critical as Melee took on joint second in the league in what can only be described as a 6 pointer. The opposition this week The Punishers were promoted along with Melee last season and again were despatched for the second consecutive season after previously losing 6-1 and 9-0 last night.

In what is pretty unheard of in this league Melee managed to keep a clean sheet with Fabio picking a rare bonus (he didn’t have too much to do through out the 36 minutes apart from a few smart saves and some great distribution). In a fairly tight start the game stayed 0-0 for a long period of time but the signs started to appear as Melee hit the post twice and had shots saved by their keeper. It took a beautifully worked goal for Pils to finish off before an even more cheeky finish from a free kick with his left while Kev was standing over the ball. A hilarious own goal gifted Melee a 3-0 well deserved half time lead.

The second half was all about team play. One touch passing, little triangles, high pressing and a superior understand of the game tormented the opposition. A superbly worked goal from the kick-off saw all Melee members get involved and finished by another own goal. After that Jack began to run riot finishing off 4 goals all passing moves from which the rest of the team played their part including Pils completing his hat-trick. Any chance the opposition had was sniffed out by Foz at the back including some superb last ditch tackles. (We won't mention the two awful shots, one of which went on to the tracks and nearly hit a passing train!)

The game got a bit heated at the end but who could the blame the portuguese punishers, as they were completed outclassed, given a footballing education and left completed demoralised at the final whistle.

A win next week against the team now chasing in second will secure the title with a week to spare. You can just taste that victory beer around the corner.

Goals
Jack 4
Pils 3
O.g. 2

Unbeaten Run Continues

2011-09-01T14:04:00.003+01:00

Melee extended their unbeatean run to 10 games to leave them firmly routed at the top of the Championship division:

Beating Red Square Belgrade 6-3 was one of the harder games over recent weeks. A great team effort was backed up with at times some beautiful triangular passing play. It could have easily been more but for some easy chances going astray. A rewarding, yet physical game that was played in good spirit by both teams. With only 3 games left in the league Melee look in a great spot to take back to back championships.

Goals
Dave 3
Chris O 1
Chris P 1
Kev 1
Fabio -3!

Sunday's Team Photo

2011-09-01T09:53:00.000+01:00

EBOG 6-a-side tournament, Sunday 28th August, High Barnet

2011-08-31T17:18:00.002+01:00

In the first tournament of 2011 Melee took to the field sporting their new decentinary kit (10-year), reverting back to the original blue strip worn on the first ever game. With a decent squad of 8 for the 6-a-side grass tourney including two Melee debutants, hopes were high of a good days play.

Drawn in a group of 3, the opposition looked professional in their 11-a-side Saturday league kits which could have put the Melee boys off. However the pre warm up antics of one team left Chris Pils disillusioned ‘I forgot these kind of people exist’. The format was to play each team twice, 10min matches. Melee watched the first game and anticipated a difficult match against the opposition when it was their turn to play. However when Melee eventually did run onto the field things started to fall nicely into place, the team passed the ball fluidly and confidence was starting to build. Melee smashed the first game 5-1, roll on.

The rest of the games in the group followed with Melee taking on one of the home EBOG teams (twats) beating them twice, one time convincingly. Melee topped the group, played 4 won 4:

Melee 5-1 Team in Red/Black
Melee 1-0 EBOG A
Melee 3-0 Team in Red/Black
Melee 3-0 EBOG A

After the lunch time break Melee were drawn into the Cup competition into another group of three with top two teams going through to the semi-final. The lunch break didn’t seem to be a problem and Melee stormed to another 5-1 thrashing, passing the ball into the net, finishing off the second EBOG team. Confidence seemed to be high at this stage but legs seemed to be starting to tire and Melee lost their first game of the day to a well organised (much younger) team. After the first round Melee realised they needed only 1 point from the remaining two games to qualify for the semi’s but that one point ended up being one point too many as Melee lost 2-1 to the EBOG team after taking a 1 goal lead and looking in control. Melee lost composure along with their legs in the final game to be beaten by the yellow kitted side and unfortunately leave the competition yet still with heads held high.

Melee 5-1 EBOG
Melee 0-2 Team in Yellow
Melee 1-2 EBOG
Melee 0-2 Team in Yellow

Overall Melee played some sublime footy at times, a real team effort but unfortunately it just wasn’t enough to take home a medal. Everyone enjoyed what was a fun day.

Player of tournament has to go to the super keeper Fabio who kept Melee in many of the games, making some wonderful saves and providing confidence to the back two. Goal difference of positive 10 proves how valuable he was. Special mention goes to Dave for his 5 goals and ridiculous two footed sliding challenge on the opposition keeper (although I think we all agreed the keeper deserved it).

Squad
Fabio, Jonny Jonny, Sho Nair, Chris Pils, Dave S, Jack Dell, Jonny Away, Kev

Goals
Justyn 1
Pils 1
Dave 5
Jack 3
Al 1
Kev 5
O.G 2

Team photo to follow

New Season, Same Result

2011-08-25T08:42:00.002+01:00

There was a celebratory atmosphere in the air last night after Melee paraded last seasons division 1 winners trophy aloft. That kind of morale boost served well on this average summers night seeing Melee take a 12-6 victory against Becrypt Allstars.

After two weeks of no shows Melee could have potentially been rusty and some early worry signs were there leading to an early goal gifted to the opposition. But heads didn't go down and Melee started to press and pass cleverly to take a demanding advantage into half time leading 4-1.

After the break debutant goal keeper Fabio got lobbed by the opposition goalie in what only can be described as a rare event in 5-a-side. However his general play may have already secured him a place in Melee folklore.

After the traditional taking the foot off the gas the scores stood at 5-4 in a game that could have turned around. Bizarre tactics never seen in 5-a-side of booting the ball up to the big man seemed odd,although Foz had him in his pocket for most of the game. Strong performances from Pils and Dave in the midfield changed the game back into Melees favour forcing the opposition into numerous errors. Quick goals followed with Dave and Kev taking advantage of some poor defending to rack up a tally of 5 goals a piece,leaving the opposition bamboozled and heavily deflated.

Melee now sit top again of the Championship division,with some huge games to come in the following weeks,long may this run continue (now 9 games undefeated).

Goals
Dave 5
Kev 5
Pils 2

Champione Champione, Ole Ole Ole

2011-08-04T08:42:00.003+01:00

So we are the champions my friends!!

In only their second season the new Melee won promotion to the Championship division after winning 6 of their 7 games with a positive goal difference of 17.

The last game of the season saw Melee needing only a draw to get promoted, however it was a final win that the team really wanted. The game started quickly and Melee were straight on the scoresheet from another new recruit Dave S scoring with practically his first ever touch for Melee.

Beautiful passing followed and some chances went begging before a flowing move end with Foz playing an outrageous flick off the inside of heal to play in O'Neill to finish clinically. Another lovely O'Neill goal followed before the opposition pulled one back from the keeper running way out of position. Half time 3-1

The team talk at half time made it clear the next goal was key and Melee quickly scored after the break from another one two move classily finished by O'Neill. more goals followed all great team moves with Dave S and Justyn setting them up. O'Neill bagged his hat trick and then his 4th with a simple tap in at the back post from a throw in, before Kev finished it with a majestic clip over the keeper in true Samuel esc style.

Some late goals from the opposition left the final score 8-4 when it could have easily been 10-2. An all round great team performance capped off the season with all the glory to come next week in picking up the league trophy.

Goals
O'Neill 4
Kev 3
Dave S 1

http://www.pitch-invasion.com/players/results-and-fixtures/league-table

Melee 5 – 3 The Reducers

2011-07-28T09:19:00.001+01:00

Is this the Championship winning match?!

Another good performance from the Melee boys in the humid weather last night was just what was required to keep up hopes of taking the Division 1 Championship in only the second season. With one game to go only goal difference can now cost Melee the title.

http://www.pitch-invasion.com/players/results-and-fixtures/league-table

With a squad crisis due to absentees and sickness a last minute ringer was pulled in called Spike who works with my mrs, which was good enough for me. Having not seen him play this was a big gamble for the game but proved to be critical as he stole the show with a hat-trick on debut.

The game started well for Melee with numerous shots peppering the goal. It should have been 1 or 2 but for the bar and post denying shots for Pils and Spike. Then against the run of play a breakaway goal and a miscommunication caused the visitors to take an early lead. Melee then raised their game and first half goals from Spike and Kev took a 2-1 advantage into the break.

After half time Melee had a short spell of domination, crisp passing in the midfield between Pils and Selwan lead to goals being set up for Spike and Kev, to take a 4-1 lead. Upon taken the three goal advantage Melee took the foot right of the gas and let the opposition right back into the game. Two goals from the opposition led to some panicking defending and if wasn’t for ‘The Cat’ Josh Featherby in goal the scores would have been even worse after making some great saves to keep us in the lead.

With 1min 30 to go it was getting nerve racking at 4-3 but after a long clearance Spike ran through to slot home a lovely finish which rounded of the game with his debut hat-trick and a win for Melee.

The final scores could have been much more but as they say in footy, ‘it’s the result that counts’. With three points clear and one game to play, only goal difference can stop the new Melee taking home that Championship medal.

Goals
Spike 3
Kev 2

New Player Profile

2011-07-17T00:00:00.004+01:00

Melee's newest recruit made the big money signing at the end of last season and has already secured a spot in the first team. Netting 5 goals in 6 games and many more assists from that sweet left foot and Chris' unselfish contributions in the midfield have proved to be crucial. His entry into the team has been the catalyst that has seen Melee win four of the last six games. Hopefully the future will continue to be bright and he will sign that long term contract that is on the table.

Name: Chris Pilsbury

Nickname: Pils

Position: Midfield/Defence

Age: 27

Height: 6"2

Foot: Cultured Left

Other Teams: Cleveland Steamers

Favourite Team: Man United

Seasons: 2

Games: 6

Melee Goals: 5

Skills: Creativity, Positioning, Passing, Technique

The New Melee

2011-07-06T23:09:00.002+01:00

Well well well, it has been such a long time since I posted anything on here - 4 years to be exact!

For all of those interested the next generation of the Melee team have gone back to where it all it began and signed up to a Pitch Invasion league in London. Melee are currently sitting 4th in Division 1 - link http://www.pitch-invasion.com/players/results-and-fixtures/league-table

Tonight's game saw the start of a new Melee with a team line up containing some old members - Kev, Justyn and Chris O'Neill and some new Chris Pilsbury and Selwan Al-Amin (player profiles to follow in posts at some point soon). The game was probably the best performance in the Portuguese strip which resulted in a 6-1 demolishon of The Punishers.

The game started very tightly with some quick passing from both sides but Melee broke the deadlock with some little one-two triangles. The opposition hit back with numerous chances but all kept out by the super keeper Justyn on the night. Another goal followed in the first half and Melee took a 2-0 lead into the second half.

in the second half Melee started to bully the opposition with superior strength and guile. More beautiful passing from Chris P, one two's and some lovely finishing made the score jump to 5-0 and Justyn finished it off with a lovely sweeping move with Chris O providing the clinical final pass.

Superb team effort and high work rate especially from Selwan proved to make this the best performance in 10 games. only a late consolation goal was the only negative even though the game ended really heated as the opposition couldn't handle the majestic performance that Melee put on them.

A great start with the new team, with other players to come back in and some new players to start, Melee are definitely heading in the right direction.

Goals (I think) :

Kev 2

O'Neill 2

Pils 1

Justyn 1

A resurrection and an anniversary.

2011-06-09T17:49:00.006+01:00

A long time ago, in a small, crowded, public house, sat three young men.

Stapled on the wall next to them was a rather ordinary looking, brown poster.

But this was no ordinary poster.

This poster had been given powers.

Not only that, but this poster spoke.

It was said in the town that everyone saw something different when staring at the poster.

And that if you leaned close enough to hear it, it would quote from the future.

On that day, one of the boys leant in to listen and heard what sounded like a strange conversation

"these milkshakes taste like banana"

"if your gonna be sarcastic about it, you can just f**k off"

"how do they know we're students?"

"1-0"

"if you do that again, I'll cut your face"

"we were predominantly playing football"

"come back in the cage and say that"

Once the poster had finished speaking, the boys looked up and watched as it began to transform. Text started to appear where there was none, and the boys stared as it formed the words "melee de la harpenden".

That was 10 years ago, on August 26 2001.

Melee has been through 3 world cups, 2 european championships, 5 weddings and more girlfriends than you can count.

And apparently, its back. In London.

What are people's thoughts on a 10 year anniversary get together?

Pete 'Montana' Goulding

2007-08-30T10:18:00.000+01:00

Earlier this week, I had the opportunity to catch up with one of Melee's all-time greats, Pete Goulding. If you are unaware of the legend that is Pete, he has been topscorer in every full season that he has played for melee, except one. Being one of the first players to be signed by the Harpenden-based club back in 2001, his 6 years of commitment thus far have been filled with goals and medals.

Hows life out in Montana?
Life is going pretty quick over here, tons of stuff to do to get ready for the school that im staffing. I have still managed to find time to play hours of Tiger Woods 07.

How much football are you playing?
Ive played one game of footie, its extremely annoying having to call it soccer. We played with these tiny goals (a bit like chair footie), there was a guy from Jamaica who had some talent and one from Germany but the rest were not amazing.

Do people know what football is over there?
They think you throw a pointy rugby ball at people and wear tons of padding

What are the women like?
Not a huge amount of talent, there are a few lookers but not really ones I would go after. there arent any students here yet though, they all start september 17th so there will probably be an extra 50 ladies on base.

What is your typical Saturday like?
All the days blend in to one at the moment. There is a new brewery about a mile away (which is like have one at the end of your drive in the UK), so ive been sampling their stuff, not that great, give me a 1664 or stella any day.

Where do you see yourself in 2 years time?
Two years time is a tough one, two main options: Either travelling to different bible schools across the globe doing teaching and stuff or being back in England making cash which I would need to do the first one. I might try and combine the two. It depends if Melee are still up and running.

When will you be back in a melee shirt?
Ill wear my shirt tomorrow. Ive been watching the results come in, class work boys, its making me slightly jealous but not quite enough to come back.

29th August Melee vs Welwyn Wanderers

2007-08-30T09:53:00.001+01:00

It was a perfect night for football over in WGC. Melee took the field with an air of confidence, nay superiority, with a line up of the Couper brothers, Samuel, Ports and Jus , everyone was raring to go, the question today was not if they would score but how many.

Melee started steadily keeping a lot of possession - but without scoring, until man of the match Alex Couper took over and put a couple of sweet goals in the net. Two of the goals from just in front of the halfway line on the very right of the pitch - just drilling the ball across the goalie into the bottom left. WW got a couple of goals in the first half including a fortunate own goal from Porter and at half time Melee were cruising 6-2.

There were a number of changes at half time with a refereeing substition and Sam coming out of goal to see what damage he could produce. The second half was a shower of goals - with flowing passing up and down the field - WW did not know how to cope. David at the back was playing some sweet through balls which Sam and Alex dispatched with aplomb, Ports and David grabbing 4 and 5 goals with Melee walking most goals in as the WW fitness was telling.

Sam bagged 4 goals - all finished very well, but the real story of the night was the fact that everyone lost count of the goals Alex scored - from distance or close up he was burying the opposition. The referee said the final score was 16-5 but he had a shocker and lost count of goals, and a count up after the game by this reporter said that melee scored probably just over 20.

Man of the Match: Without a shadow of a doubt Alex Couper - getting 8 or 10 goals and bossing the game - in potentially his penultimate game of the season, showed true class and has led many to ask "what happened while he was in Iceland?"

Shocker of the Match: Justyns new no-swearing in football games is going great - he did not utter a swear word in the 30 minutes, however he did manage to nearly get into a fight in a match that would have been more violent against an armish team. This man could start a fight in solitary confignment....

Melee v Lazy Boys 15th August

2007-08-16T14:03:00.001+01:00

Melee extended their current winning streak to 4 games last night with an encouraging victory over 4th placed Lazy Boys.

Melee were forced to make last minute changes to a team ravaged by unavailabilty.

Samuel, voted the Fudge Player of the Season last year, joined a long list of players who were unable to attend last nights fierce encounter in Welwyn Garden City.
Justyn, who was thought to still be out with an injury, was brought along to bolster up a squad still realing from the loss of Tafey who moved to Harpenden Town in the close season.

Due to Wilko's late arrival, Melee started with the unfamiliar lineup of Porter in goal. It is unclear to this reporter which team scored first, but it was soon 1-1. Some brilliant indiviudal skill from the younger Couper brother, set up his sibling for a pile driver into the top corner. Upon Wilko's replacement of Porter in goal, Andy set up two quickfire goals for Alex, followed by one for himself.

The half time score of 5-1 looked to leave melee well in control of the game. Kev and Drewin's sister/girlfriend/cousin/friend looked like they were enjoying the game, despite the wet conditions.

Lazy boys began the second half with 2 quick goals, and melee looked shaky. Some aggressive play by Justyn's opposite number (aka 'Rubbish') led to a squareing up between the two. The referee controlled the confrontation well, despite being huddled by a flock of lazy boys.

Another lazy boy goal went in, this time an own goal by singlehurst, and it was 5-3. From the kick off Porter took the slump into his own hands, dribbling past 2 before slotting the ball calmly into the bottom right hand corner.

Minutes later and he was back at it again, this time a curling beauty into the apex.

Daudi was controlling things from the back, and melee began to gain defensive composure for the first time since the break. However, one mix up between Drewin and Couper led to a 3 on 2 situation which lazy boys capitalised upon.

Justyn and 'Rubbish' were at it again, this time Rubbish landed an elbow onto Justyn's forehead. He was quickly subbed off before the referee had an opportunity to open his eyes to see what was going on.

After some hard work in the corner, the lazy boy keeper spilled a shot from Alex. From the resulting follow-up, the keeper grabbed both of Couper's legs forcing a penalty. The keeper claimed that Alex had gone in hard, but from where this reporter was watching, it seemed fair. After a few too many dummies, Couper hit the penalty straight at the keeper.

Lazy boys got another one back through a genius henry-style back heel from a free kick.

With seconds left on the clock, and both sides looking tired, melee won a free kick after Alex was kicked to the floor in the corner. The 'keeper then threw the ball at Couper, and while there was a gentlemen's handshake being offered by Couper to the keeper, Melee took a quick free-kick to seal a 10-7 victory and take them to the top of the table after 6 games.

They face a trip to second from bottom Real Ale Madrid next week with Samuel back but 2 more confirmed absentees in the form of the Couper brothers.

Man of the Match: Has to go to Andy Porter, for his 6 goals, many of which came at crucial points in the game.

Moment of the Match: The last goal, where justice was served by the keeper not having a hope of saving the free-kick, after he should have been sent off.

Melee vs Otodynamics - Wednesday 9th August

2007-08-09T12:46:00.001+01:00

Melee have done the unexpected and already claimed top spot in the 5-a-side league with a convincing win over otodynamics.
The new look team consisting of Frenchy, The Couper brothers, Sam and an import from the Italian Conference were in confident mood and from the beginning of the match dominated possesion. The first goal went against the run of play, a tidy finish from one of the smaller otadynamic players - weighing in at a mere 15 stone.

This shock the team into a drastic response, and the Italian genius scored 2 blase goals to give Melee a lead that they would not give up again. with some solid defending and good play the half time score of 5-1 left otodynamics in total disarray. A certain swagger returned to the team with the arrival of Alex Couper - but it was a well deserved swagger as Alex put in a man of the match performance. After having a few early tussles with one of the opposition defenders, a talking to from the referee and a brief spell on the floor (after being pushed down), Alex performed as an untouchable - hassling players all over the park and he also scored a brace!
The second half was much the same as the first - with David and the Italian guy both scoring their hatricks in style. The Italian guy beat 2 players and calmly chipped a diving goalie. After two driven goals David completed his hatrick with a half volley under the goal keeper.
The team worked well - with Frenchy doing a lot of the engine work and being persistant in breaking up attacks and passing killer balls through the opposition.

Final Score: 9-3

Man of the Match: Alex Couper

moment of the match: There were actually 2, the first being the half time talk of the opposition that included comments like "How are we being beaten, we normally beat everyone in this league" and "We cannot get away from them - we have no time on the ball". Sometimes the best complements come from the opposition.
The second was Italian guys chip over the goalie - class.

Melee vs Welwyn - July 25th

2007-07-26T11:07:00.001+01:00

Melee started the game with 2 games deficet having not even taken the field in this league yet. Rumour has it that this is due to some confusion of Peter Gouldings emminent transfer from Melee to the Montana Munchies and 3rd party registration.

It was an emotional occasion as Goulding would be playing his last match with Melee for a while.
The opposition was Welwyn Wanderers - just above Melee in the table. As they took to the field the opposition with their lanky striker looked like they might give melee a stern test.
However this myth was dispelled within about 5 minutes as Melee went 5 goals up without response. A cracker from Couper from within his own half, followed by a plethera of goals from Goulding, Tafe and Justyn. Once Melee felt like they were comfortable their marking got slack and Welwyn punished them with a few goals being pulled back. However some nice flowing football that stripped through the opposition and left Melee with an 8-5 advantage at half time redeemed any niggling doubts.
The second half saw Melee go up a gear - with even the goalie - sam coming out and waltzing through a couple of players and then blasting a left footed shot past the goalie.

I feel like I would be doing sports journalists everywhere a discredit if I did not bring the poor refereeing to light. He could not add up the goals scored (he claimed Melee had but 14 goals when TV replays showed at least 16) and his inconsistancy meant both teams were left bewildered by his decisions!

At the end of the night though, Goulding had scored 6 goals and Tafe had been enjoying punishing some rookie defending for the now distraught Welwyn side, and even Justyn was getting heavily involved with a lot of great defending and a hat trick to boot.

Because of other results Melee are now only 3 points behind the leaders despite a 2 game disadvantage. Can Melee come back and win the league?
Stay tuned folks.

Gossip Column

According to the Montana Tribune, Peter has alterior motives for moving back to the US - and it is not to further his football carrier - could a japanese/dutch/canadian young lady be the reason - Peter refused to comment.

After Justyn's hat trick performance yesterday night it has been confirmed, Hell has frozen over.

David's knee injury was not as serious as first thought although he will not be in any training sessions for this week.

Andrew Porter is silently relieved that Goulding is moving otherwise he would have been on the bench for who knows how long. Andrew said "there is no animosity - it is just nice not to have the competition for my place"

Match report 4th July 2007

2007-07-05T18:34:00.001+01:00

Melee vs The Hurracaines

The third big game in a row for Melee and on this dreary day the team actually turned up on time. Melee were determined to start strong and apart from an early shot by Hurracaine's striker, got off to a flying start. Mixing up the short and long passes they were tearing through their opponents defence. Midfielders Tafe and Goulding were linking well with Samuel and opened up a few chances. The first oppotunity was finished calmly by Tafe and second and third goals were pounched on by Goulding and Couper. The golden boot was looking further out of reach for Samuel, but with the holes in the Hurracaines defense getting larger any number of goals could be scored.
The second half started off in similar fashion with Melee domination and Hurracaines heads going down. Slick one touch passes and great man marking meant that Melee's opposition hardly had the ball. A gorgeous through ball from Webb, who had joined the strike force for the second half, was taken and finished by Goulding for a four goal lead.
Dramatic events marred the second half when Webb, who was recovering from a knee injury, went down and stayed down. Fans looked appauled as Hurry's kept on playing with the injured player still on the pitch. Webb was stretchered off and Melee brought on USA keeper Stacey Ropp. The squad was rearranged again as Samuel came out of goal to go back up front. Soon after, the striker stroked a shot pass keeper to put the golden boot back into contantion.
One of the goals of the season was the highlight of the second half. A ball drifted out to centre-back Couper who let loose with a screaming drive. The ball swerved out of reach of Hurry's keeper into the top left corner of the goal. The stadium fell silent in disbelief of what had just happened until the replay was shown of the big screen.
6 - 1 was the final score in the match, with Hurricaines scoring a nothing goal.
Special thanks was given to Ropp by the Melee manager for his contribution to the game. The sub keeper made two fine saves in the later stages of the game.
Man of the Match: David Couper

Team Line Ups:
Melee
Webb, Couper, Singlehurst, Tafe, Goulding, Samuel. Sub Ropp (19)
Goals: Couper 2, Goulding 2, Tafe 1, Samuel 1
The Hurricaines
Don't know, wouldn't have made a difference if they were five year old kids

Speculation:

With Melee's title win secured the club are abandoning their last match against School Girls Rock. The 3 points and 3 goals that School girls will recieve from the non-game could keep them in the Premiership. The relegation battle is estimated to be worth about ₤23 million with TV sponsorship
Kevin Webb will be out due to the knee injury picked up against The Hurricaines. Team physios have been working on the knee but have said surgery may be the only option.
Players player of the season will be voted on this week
Lead goal scorer Peter Goulding is reported to have signed a contract with an MLS team. It is rumoured that the player will see out his career and retire in the states in a move to boost the MLS standard and profile.
Justyn Singlehurst was wowed by Couper's wonder goal on Wednesday and was heard suggeesting that the defender should be playing up front next season
In a tribute to Melee, the official sponsors of the Premiership, pitch-invasion.com, have named the title trphy, "The Melee Cup"

Golden boot award
Goulding 10
Samuel 8
Tafe 3
Porter 3
Couper 2
Webb 1
Singlehurst 0

Tom Hill Poll

2007-07-05T13:55:00.000+01:00

Who does Tom Hill look more like?

Couldnt find a great picture of Tom so youll have to imagine Tom's face when he is not holding a two litre beer.

Option number A
Bruno Berner - Swiss born Blackburn football player

Option number B

Jean Claude van Damme - Belgium born movie star and general player

You can imagine what Tom will vote for, but this is up to you.
Vote away

Look-a-Look

2007-07-05T10:17:00.000+01:00

This is one Al will appriciate, Benitez compared will David Brent no surely not!
http://gunnerblog.com/?p=670

Match report 27th June 2007

2007-06-28T22:43:00.000+01:00

Melee vs Harlow FC

Another first place vs second place battle saw Melee playing rivals Harlow FC, who had followed them up from the Championship the previous year.
With another early start due to European television rights Melee struggled to field a team and almost had to forfeit the game. Fans breathed a sigh of relief as half the squad turned up just in time to kick off.
Melee looked tense at the start of the game and were not flowing as they have in previous matches. Keeper Kevin Webb was tested with a few negligible shots before Melee found the net. Foreign import Samuel Amorim received the ball on the right side of the box and calmly brushed a left footed shot past Harlow keeper, off the post and into the net. One nil.
The second half saw subs disrupting Melee’s fluidity slightly and Webb was given some harder challenges to deal with. A Harlow striker found himself in plenty of space, directly in front of goal, twice in the space of five minutes. However, the mind games of Webb forced the nervous attacker to place the ball into the arms of the Melee goalie. Harlow drew a freekick out of Melee, which was taken quickly and surprised all, apart from a Harlow forward who slotted the ball into the corner of the goal. At the other end of the pitch Samuel and Goulding were starting to link well. Samuel found himself on the touchline and managed to drive a cross into the box where Goulding headed past the Harlow keeper. The pair connected again for the third goal as Goulding played a ball across the face of goal for a Samuel tap in. Fans looked both shocked and delighted that the Brazilian had finished from three yards out. Harlow did not look too shaken by the three one defeat apart from one player who had taken hits to the face and the nuts during the game. It was speculated after the match that the red stripes of blood running down his shirt were a deliberate sign to the Harlow manager that the player wanted to move to Melee.
Man of the Match: Kevin Webb, for some great saves and a superb volley towards the end of the match

Team line Ups:
Melee
Webb, Singlehurst, Tafe, Porter, Couper, Goulding, Samuel
Goals: Samuel 2, Goulding 1
Harlow FC
Keeper, Little skinny guy, Little skinny guy clone, Fat Bloodie guy, Two randoms
Goals: Fat Bloodie guy

Speculation

Pharmaceutical company Sigma-Aldridge announced their delight in the success of the drug treatment that allowed Samuel to net a tap in. A spokesman for the company stated “Previous trials on Kieran Richardson and Jermaine Jenas were not successful so we are very happy that this new solution has worked so well”
Melee are already talking about fielding a reserve team for the last match of the season against School Girls Rock FC. A win for The Girls could save them relegation.
David Couper has been linked with a €12.3 million move to Barcelona. The player stated “I’m Melee through and through, I couldn’t leave the club even if I wanted to.”
Melee players will don a black arm band in their game against The Hurracaines in remembrance of Arthur Francis. The avid fan had a heart attack due to the surprise of his favourite player, Peter Goulding, scoring a header.
Justin Singlehurst is rumoured to have been invited to be a part of next year’s ‘I’m a celebrity get me out of here.’

Golden boot award
Goulding 8
Samuel 7
Porter 3
Tafe 2
Webb 1
Singlehurst 0
Couper 0

Title winning loosers

2007-06-25T11:23:00.000+01:00

Giles Grimandi looks like he could be named Arsenal's Director of football, I dunno what is going on there. I just his management is better than his tackling. Anyway I was having this discussion with Dave and Al about who the worst player to ever win a Premeirship title is. My opinion is that you cant get a lot worse than Giles who won 2 doubles?????
Any thoughts

Potential is one thing.....ability another

2007-06-22T19:33:00.000+01:00

With Manchester United starting the summers frenzied transfer activity by splashing out over £30 million on two unproven youngsters, I thought it worthwhile to have a look at some of the biggest transfer flops of the premiership

Francis Jeffers was signed by Arsenal for a whopping £10 million. Awful, awful player. Remembered more for that horrific dive, than for his footballing ability. Now plys his trade with Ipswich Town

George Weahs cousin. Signed by Souness for southampon, and boasting the same blood line as the former World Footballer of the Year, he was played without having been properly assessed. He had what must be the shortest career in football. Having come on as a second half substitute, he was subbed back off after about 12 minutes. He now lives as a nomad liberia.

Next inline is Massimo Taibi. *THAT* goal from le tissier that went through his legs saw his united career cut short. Off he went.

Stan collymore. Three times a bad signing. The worst must have been alaves though who paid him a huge signing on fee, and then he retired without playing a month of football.

veron. again a reoffender. 48 million pounds have been spent on this guy buy united and chelsea. and he wasn't worth a quarter of it.

he waddles when he runs. he tries when he defends. titus bramble.

Finally, I'll leave you with one of the many many houllier signings who arrived over his liverpool tenure. He signed so many players and lavished them with hype that they could not reach. Bruno Cheyrou, signed for 4million(?) and dubbed the next zidane by gerard houllier.

More banter

2007-06-22T10:45:00.001+01:00

Seeing there are quite a few of us with jobs that allow for a lot of web surfing time I think we need a lot more banter on the melee blog. I read in the paper that youtube is overtaking bbc.co.uk in UK hits so I think that needs to be our goal. Check puremelee then bbc.co.uk. Maybe more controversial posts need to be made. Rossi to replace Henry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Match report 20th June 2007

2007-06-21T10:39:00.000+01:00

Welwyn Pressive vs Melee

Melee were looking forwards to this ealy game after almost drowning in their own tiredness in the previous week. A late minute draft saw Edward Wilkinson replacing Kevin Webb in goal and the still injured Webb looking at a role at the front. Fans were scared, and cries of "What the **** is he doing outfield" could be heard from the stands. However, the early start meant the Wilko was nowhere to be seen and Webb took up his usuall role as keeper.
The match started off five on five and looked fairly even. Pressive took the early initiative with a good move a quick shot that everyone watched bounce firmly off the post.
5 minutes had been played before both teams brought on their sixth man. Webb looked extatic as he took of the goalie gloves and wandered up the pitch. Play soon quickened up and Melee found a lot of space, Goulding playing a "holding" midfield role waltzed up the pitch and had a snap shot with his left which managed to find the net, one nil. Pressive heads went down as Melee threaded passes throughout the midfield. Samuel Amorim, playing a free role, linked well with Webb in a move that ended with Webb curling one past the keeper and brushing the cross bar. Soon after this Webb finished calmly to put Melee two goals up, he quickly rushed over to the stands and was heard to say "That's what the **** I'm doing outfield".
Things didnt die down in the second half Welwyn's key man drifted past Goulding who managed only to take the players shoe off. With his right foot's new found freedom the forward took a pot shot which looped and dipped into the Melee goal. Melee's answer saw 'rock' Justyn Singlehurst play a beautiful ball through four players to the advancing Goulding who took it round the keeper for his second. At this point Pressive hearts collapsed and Melee engaged the cruise control. A great passing display opened up a lot of space for Melee and saw Tafe free on the left to have a few shots. A well worked move gave Samuel an open goal, which somehow got saved, many threats were directed at the Brasilian by team mates, which fired the forward to launch an incredible curling shot into the top corner of the goal. Another goal from Samuel and one more from Goulding secured a 6-1 win.
Man of the match: Justyn Singlehurst put in a solid display digging Melee out of some tricky spots and generally marking like a high rate school teacher.
Miss of the match: Has to go to Samuel, thankfully he makes up for it by being ridiculously good looking.

Team line Ups:
Melee
Wilkinson, Singlehurst, Tafe, Goulding, Samuel, Webb
Goals: Goulding 3, Samuel 2, Webb
Welwyn Pressive
Keep, Some guy, Other guy, Ginga, Yellow shirt guy, Token black guy
Goals: Ginga

Speculation

Kevin Webb's grin after the game suggests that he may not want to ever play in goal again. In a later interview he stated "I have a new found respect for keepers."
Perhaps prematurly looking at the Premiership trophy, arguments have arisen in the Melee camp about where the trophy will be kept. Last years trophy is being monitored by £125,000 worth of Singlehurst security equipment. The player is said to have gotten paranoid when a team mate looked at the trophy for too long. The new trophy may be given to the golden boot winner.
David Couper's loan deal to Lolliondo Cubs is set to end this week.
Andrew Porter is recovering from an ear ache given to him by frustrated parents but should make it back for the next match against second place Harlow FC.
It has been leaked that Samuel Amorim will be given a controversial drug treatment to stop his legs shaking when he gets infront of goal.
Melee are putting in a £1,250,000 bid for Wigan keeper Chris Kirkland who is restless after speculation that his club are to sign Carlo Nash. Webb has put his full backing behind this offer.
The big question for now is 'Will Porter and Couper find their places when they return to the team?' A survey of 100 fans showed that 53% thought that neither would start in their next match, 35% thought that one of the pair would start and 12% did not know who Porter and Couper were. One fan said "I thought that they were the team mascots"

Golden boot award
Goulding 7
Samuel 5
Porter 3
Tafe 2
Webb 1
Singlehurst 0
Couper 0

Return of the mac

2007-05-29T18:44:00.000+01:00

Good day,

First up, i'm back in town tomorrow, and will hopefully (if I get in) be playin a spot of something-a-side with melee once again.

Prepare yourselves for some copmosed finishing, combative tackling, combined with a dash of the swagger that you love to hate.

Wonderful.

Secondly, I realise (as current-jonny-abroad), i have let the side down on pictures and posts. Pete will do a better job for the next 35 years that he will be in the states.

I actually have some pics that i'll whack up here after i come back from inglaterra.

..and finally. Hands up who wants to go and do a spot of this at some point
San joan - Its fun to get trampled on by horses

Only 1 melee.

Match Report 2nd May 2007

2007-05-14T07:40:00.001+01:00

The biggest game of the season.
Team Handsome are the only team other than Melee that seem to be able to beat the other teams in the league, so this game appeared to be a tester for Melee. However, the whole team and even the pitch-invasion predictor seemed fairly confident that Melee would cruise it.
I can't really remember much of the game so this wont be the longest match report ever.
Team sheet - Kevo, Dave, Ports, Justyn, Samuel, Pete and Tafey (I don't know how to spell his name so I might have to stick with calling him new guy).
Things started brightly for Melee with Team Handsome not looking to happy with each other, a bit of arguing in the ranks lead to them going down 2-0. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that Samuel scored both of them. Second half things went slightly down hill, a perhaps premature descision saw Kevo (who thought it was 3-0) coming out of goal for Samuel. At this point Melee got a bit bored with the game and decided to let in a couple of goals to make it more interesting (perhaps because some people thought it would still be 3-2). No recovery was even thought about before the ref blew for full time. End result 2-2.
Highlights of the game - can't remember
Man of the match - can't remember
Comical moments - erm let me think, nope can't remember
Speculation
- Goalkeeper Kevin Webb may take a few weeks off, local papers believe that it is to deal with a potential computer game addiction.
- Defensive Rock David Couper will be serving his six week ban (recieved this week for mooning referee Xavier S. Wang) starting after next weeks match. At a press conference Couper was heard trying to claim the strikers role for his last match. He was quickly denied by his manager.
- Justyn Singlehurst's guide to football will be released this week. 'Flailing arms - how they've worked for me' is set to sell 23 copies, a record for a Melee player.

0-60 times by Melee Drivers

2007-05-06T17:44:00.000+01:00

Me and Pete have recently been trying different cars out and their 0-60 times.
We have listed a few - please add more cars - just add a comment with the Driver name - witness name, time, car type , and age of the car. - all tests were done on a legal road!
Pete (driver) David (witness) Vauxhall Corsa - 2000 - 13.8 seconds
David (driver), Pete (witness) Skoda Felicia 1998 - 18.6 seconds
David (driver), Pete (witness) VW Sharan, 1998 - 11.2 seconds
Pete (driver), David (witness) Ford Mondeo, 1997 - 10 seconds (with faulty speedo)
Pete (driver), Pete's mum and dad (witness) Citroen Xsara, 2007 - 10 seconds
David (driver), Pete (wintess) Ford Transit 1994 - 38.7 seconds

Match Report 25th April 2007

2007-04-26T08:08:00.000+01:00

The second early kick off in two weeks saw Melee field a slightly changed side. With their usual goalkeeper- Kevin Webb out at an awards dinner, it was time for Samuel to play in goal, and new boy whose name I cannot remember played up font.

The match was ridiculously one sided - with 5 of melee's 6 players largely camped in the opposition half. It was however the opposition (ABCDE FC) that broke the deadlock in commical fashion. a weak shot from their centre forward was inexplicibly not picked up by sam until late and the ball bobbled under him.

No one in the Melee camp pannicked and was not long before a pass from Couper sent Justyn (and all his flailing limbs) scampering down the right, he then put a beautiful cross in for Pete who punished the ball from about 4 yards out into the roof of the net. 1-1.

From this point Melee did not look back - with goals from Porter, 2 from New guy, one more from justyn and pete. The highlights begin New guy taking down a long ball and instantly hitting the ball past the desparing goalkeeper who was back tracking after an attempted attack.

This game laid to rest once and for all the myth that Melee could not score by passing through a team. Most of the goals came from persistant pressure and confident ball play from each of the melee players.
Final Score: 6-1
Blunder of the week: Sorry Sam - but you win hands down - but dont worry it is the only week you will probably ever win it!
Man of the Match: New Guy - after coming in and playing with a team of strangers - he came in played a relaxed passing game, did his bit in defense and scored a couple of beauties!!

Match Report 18th April 2007

2007-04-24T15:21:00.000+01:00

Melee faced some tough opposition in their 2nd match of the league against AFK Lawnmower.
Pre-match from melee was just that...melee, with half the team turning up as kick off was being taken. They were duely repremanded and it looks likely that the club will impose fines. Neither Justyn, Ports or Sam were around to comment on their attendance.

Melee started brightly and were 1-0 up within a couple of minutes. A great move involved Pete and Samuel led to a good start from the Harpenden boys.
The rest of the first half was flowing football with Kev not troubled in goal. In fact to stay awake Kev had to try and play as an outfield player to get some involvement.

The second half began with Melee having a solid 3-0 lead, and two breakaway goals - one from Justyn and one from ports lead to a comfortable 5-0 scoreline.

Then Melee's hopes of a clean sheet were dashed by the man in black. Having given a throw in to Melee the referee changed his mind without saying anything and the melee team were (figuratively) caught with their trousers down and the AFK Lawnmower striker sliced the ball into the top of the net.
Final score 5-1

Man of the Match: Justyn - his late arrival almost cost him his place in the melee line up but he redeemed his error and despite a couple of one on ones that went wrong, he put in a solid performace all over the park.

There's always one sport we'll do well in....

2007-03-30T16:06:00.000+01:00

With England's footballers having a pretty miserable week, following on from Flintoff and Co's Caribbean holiday extravaganza, you may think that England is not performing on the world stage in sports. Think again.

In December 2006, less than 4 months ago, England were crowned with the prestigious MacRobertson Shield at the 19th Croquet World Series held in Shepparton Croquet Club, Victoria, Australia.

It apparently went unnoticed in the press....wonder why.

Caribbean
A fantastic bit of internet text commentary was placed on the bbc website today in the 19th over of England and Ireland's group match.

"Botha is tighter than Rik Waller's knicker elastic in this over, maiden over. KP will have to start giving it some tap-tap-tapparoo in a minute."

Absolutely fantastic.

Is Riise truly a great?
It has been claimed before on this blog, by certain unbyassed liverpool supporters, that Mr. Riise (did you score a goal), is the best left back in the world. It would appear that there is some weight to this claim.

Take a look at a sample of all the greats in a variety of fields. Muhammed Ali, Pele, Michael Jackson, Mike Tyson, Donald Trump, Elton John, Henry Ford, Oscar Wilde, Walt Disney...

What do these people have in common? All of them filed for bankruptcy at one point in their career....just as the ginger haired left back has done now

Retarded people

2007-03-23T18:16:00.000Z

These are from a little book called "Disorder in the Court."
They're things people actually said in court, word for word.
Some lawyers are retarded, how do they get paid so much?

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteen.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

Q: And where was the location of the accident?
A: Approximately milepost 499.
Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.

Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.

Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
A: After the accident?
Q: Before the accident.
A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.

Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?
A: Yes.
Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: What did she say?
A: What disco am I at?

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about
it until the next morning?

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?

Q: Did he kill you?

Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?

Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true?

Q: How many times have you committed suicide?

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

Q: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
A: I went to Europe, Sir.
Q: And you took your new wife?

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice
which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy.

Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began
the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

Q: You were not shot in the fracas?
A: No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel.

Linguistic Interests

2007-03-21T13:22:00.000Z

I have been going to language lessons for a while now. No, not to curb my torrets, but to try and learn to speak with the strange vocabulary of the locals.

These lessons have never been good, far from it.

In a class of 20, that all paid up front with no refund available, 6 now attend.

The way it works over here is that in order to become a citizen, or get a visa, you need to have 250 language credits. These are obtained by attending 5 language courses. This is probably where the problem starts.

No assesment whatsoever is performed on the students, so neither can teaching be assessed.

Yesterdays lesson took a new low...
Let me describe it here for you, I shall refer to 'The teacher' as Barry:

The lesson starts almost on time, and we are given 2 sheets of text and told to 'fill in the blanks'. The answers are given to us on a separate sheet, so it seems to be a rather pointless exercise, but we all do it nonetheless.

Barry then goes off to photocopy some lyrics to a song that he wants to play for us.....ok

The next 5 minutes I had to control myself from laughing as we listen to some terrible music and the chap sitting next to me decides to sing along to a tune he clearly doesn't know.

Barry apparently listens to this music 3 times a day. Not sure if it is for religious reasons, as i don't know what the song is about at this point.

In his great wisdom, Barry decides to translate the text for us. Since we are in a foreign language class, it would seem silly not to speak English for the next 30 minutes.

Oh, and it turns out we were listening to a love song. Barry kept on going on about it being beautiful. Bizarre, considering the song was written by a 60 yr old native about a teenage thai boy that cleaned elephants.

Worlds Best!

2007-03-20T22:43:00.000Z

As we all know only to well just because you have the potential to be the best, doesn't mean that you'll realise it. Case in point Lomana LuaLua: if he'd stayed at colchester a little longer and had better luck with injuries he could have been the best.
Fortunatly there's light at the end of the tunnel and he's name is Kazenga LuaLua. Here's what wikipedia has to say:
Kazenga LuaLua (born December 10, 1990) is a football player from the Democratic Republic of Congo. He currently plays in England for Newcastle United.

LuaLua moved to England shortly after his birth. He has since progressed in Newcastle United's youth academy, and currently plays for the reserve team. Kazenga was called up to the senior squad for the first time with Newcastle Utd for the 3rd round FA Cup game against Birmingham City on 6 January 2007. At just sixteen years and 27 days old, Kazenga would have been the youngest player to appear in the famous Black and White stripes of Newcastle United had he made it onto the pitch: the record is currently held by Steve Watson.

He was part of the Newcastle United youth team that reached the semi-final of the FA Youth Cup in the 2005-06 season. The team was captained by Paul Huntington, who, like Kazenga, is beginning to make his mark on the first team.

His cousin Lomana LuaLua is also a professional footballer, with Newcastle United being one of his former clubs, and currently plays for Portsmouth

1st Annual "jonnifier"

2007-03-16T12:13:00.000Z

It was talked about last year, but never really happened. But, the idea has come back around. "What is this crazy idea that your having?" I hear you cry.
Well, firstly, its not that crazy.

It involves:

time : first saturday of august
location : rothy, harpo
people :you (and everyone you want to spend an afternoon with)
activities : chilling, football, cricket, socialising
food :bring your own meat/drink - its bbq time

The idea, last year, was to provide a time where jonnys and extended jonnys can get together and meet up.

Kev's suggestion was extendin it so that its an opportunity not just for us to meet up but for you to meet up with all the people u haven't seen for a while, like getting your uni mates down.

Some sort of night out would follow from the afternoon in the sun...

The Annual Jonnifier. What are your thoughts?

FINNAN DEEMED PREMIERSHIP’S BEST

2007-03-15T10:31:00.000Z

The proof is finally here! A number of melee players have been championing for his cause and finally he has been recognised.
Liverpool full-back Steve Finnan is currently the best defender in the Premiership according to The Actim Index.
The index is calculated from goals, shots, passes, dribbles, assists, tackles, crosses, saves, clearances, blocks, interceptions, time on the pitch and the number of points gained by a player's team. Marks are deducted for red and yellow cards.

Finnan is the top performing defender this season, beating Rio Ferdinand and Gary Neville into second and third place.

stick cricket

2007-03-12T10:24:00.000Z

If you haven't checked it out yet, have a look at the new stick cricket, featuring left-handed batsmen, stadiums and new graphics.....

Champions League

2007-03-07T09:45:00.000Z

You probably all saw liverpool scrape through on the dubious aways goal rule last night. Hats off to them for making the competition easier to win for everyone else in it.

You may not, however, have seen the highlights of the Valencia-Inter game. The final score was 0-0, with valencia going through on away goals. It sparked some crazy scenes at the end of the match with a Brazilian style fight on the middle of the pitch.

Watch this video of the fight: fight replay,
Talk about running to fight another day!
A live version of the fight can be found here

Lookalikes!

2007-03-06T10:31:00.000Z

Pennant

Legend

Kev or Craig?

2007-02-28T13:01:00.000Z

Lunch Break Browser Updates

2007-02-26T13:46:00.000Z

Here's a selection of great plug-ins for your firefox browser.

If your not using mozilla firefox, you can download the latest version here

1. Download Statusbar
This statusbar changes the way that downloads work. They'll now appear on the bottom bar of your browser

2. Gmail Manager
Allows you to log in to all of your gmail accounts without changing the page.

3. GooglePreview
Shows the web pages as an image in your google and yahoo results.

4. Gmail Space
Lets you use your 2.5GB of gmail space as a hardrive of stuff for yourself. Accessible any place, any time.

5. Split Browser
Split your browser into different sections so you can view 2 pages at once

6. Tab Catalog
Click on this button to change tab:

7. Tab Effect
Changes tabs in a graphical way

8. VideoDownloader
Download videos from youtube, dailymotion etc onto your hard drive!

3 things to change

2007-02-23T18:48:00.000Z

Here is a non-extensive look into 3 things that should be changed in football.
1. Holding the ball in the corner with 5 minutes to play:
Nwanko Kanu was famous for doing this when he came to the premiership, and there have been many others since. I want to see the back of it. It is not Football. They created the pass back rule, they created the 6 second rule, and they should impose a rule here. Maybe a similar time-based rule, that you can only be in the 'zone' between the area and the touchline for 5 seconds, or leave it to the referee's descrection to give a foul the other way. It is unsporting, it is unentertaining, I don't like it, surely no one does.

2. Diving: but first lets do what we can

I think that there will probably always be the opportunity to cheat in football by persuading the referee, through act, that you have been fouled when you haven't been. But I think there are some things that can be done to stop it being so regular or so sickening.
Firstly, use injury sin-bins based on time on the floor. If a man is hurt whilst shopping androlls around for 2 minutes on the floor in anguish he cannot get back up and continue to walk down the high street. If a footballer does it, it should be assumed that they are in total pain and either a forced substitution should take place, or else they should 'require' 10 minutes recovery time on the side of the pitch. That would take care of the exagerrators.
Secondly, if a player is guilty of diving, he should be treated with as much contempt as if he had been caught paying the referee off before the game. Let us not foget that he has indeed cheated. The dives posted below, especially Thierry Henry's, and a whole host of others should warrant 4 match bans. That would be a deterrent for the Ronaldo's of the world.

3. No quick free kicks where a wall has been set up

This should never have been allowed in the first place. The keeper is obviously going to set up the wall by checking one of his posts.
A free kick was never supposed to be more valuable than a penalty.
The way it is working at the moment puts too much power in the hands of the referee as it is his decision whether they can or can't take the early free kick (and the subsequent goal)

Tuesday Randoms

2007-02-20T14:54:00.000Z

It happens almost every game in the Premiership now, and people have come to accept that diving is 'part and parcel' of football. Need it be?
Regardless of whether it should or shouldn't be in the game, here is an opportunity to look at some of the outrageous dives that we have gotten used to.

This is Henry's dive from the other week. Its one of the worst.
Here are a collection of dive's from the world cup
This is an advert for a Ronaldo Action Figure following his world cup antics. "The Number 17 Portuguese Action Figure"
Here is some insight into the Italian training camp
And how could I create a diving list without the one and only Didier Drogba. Here is a diving competition between him and Lehmann

Lunch Break Trailers

2007-02-19T11:56:00.000Z

Here is a selection of films that are a recommended watch, although I have only actually seen Little Miss Sunshine out of them all, I will be watching the rest soon.

Number 23 stars the one the only Jim Carrey in a thriller based around a man who becomes obsessed with a book that appears to be based on his life

Babel stars Brad Pitt, Cate Blanchett and Gael García Bernal (the quality guy from Ammores Perros). I haven't seen Babel yet, but the trailer looks good.

Little Miss Sunshine is a film about a disfunctional family who travel to california for a beauty competition for their daughter to enter.

An Inconvenient Truth stars the man who introduces himself as "I was the next president of the united states", Al Gore. It is a documentary about the effects of global warming. Watch the trailer at least.

Blood Diamond stars Leonardo DiCaprio in a moving film about conflict diamonds.

The Last King of Scotland is a true story about a scottish physician who finds himself working for the Ugandan dictator Idi Amin in the 1970s. The trailer intrigues and I will be watching this one soon.

And finally, here comes another film in the 'Oceans' series. Imaginatively called Oceans 13. I think it looks set to disappoint. It comes out in the states this summer
Oceans 13

Transfer Kitty

2007-02-16T17:54:00.000Z

This summer is going to be a big summer for transfers. The question I put to you is:

Which Premiership club will spend the most this summer?

Before you have a guess, here's a list of who I think will be among the big spenders:
Chelsea: Realing from the loss of 'their' championship to Manchester United, they will inevitably react with a spot of retail therapy
Liverpool: With brand new owners promising to invest around £200 into the club, expect Rafa Benitez to sign half of Spain.
Manchester United: With the money in from the title win, plus only having spent half their budget last season, a big summer awaits
Aston Villa: In a similar position to Liverpool with their new owner wanting to break into the top 4. Villa will spend big.
The rest of the premiership: With the new TV deal, realistically anyone could spend the most. It would just take an ambitious owner, with bigger eyes than his wallet. Niall Quinn for example.

And there is more

2007-02-15T15:14:00.000Z

The internet is a wonderful thing. As stated below, it is now possible to watch streaming television from all over the world using freetube. Not only that, but it has been brought to my attention by a Mr Goulding that there is a site out there with greater potential for you.
Actually, there are two.

1 of them, tvlinkmovies.com offers you a selection of the films that you could find in imdb.com. I know you'll be enjoying watching some March of the Penguins over the weekend.

The second one seemingly has every episode of every season of every series out there. From friends to curb your enthusiasm, from Mr Bean to Scrubs.

That is definately one for you to check out.

Prepare to have your world rocked...

2007-02-14T17:08:00.000Z

A new web-site has opened by the name of FreeTube. It might sound like a youtube rip off, but it is far far from that, and it may change the way we watch TV.

The site offers free television channels from all over the world, broken down into categories. It is pretty quick to load each channel: when I watched SkySports News just now, it took about 5 seconds.

Additionally, and this is where you will become slightly more interested, it has Fox Soccer Channel, which hosts the premiership with 3pm kick offs included. Bye-bye TV Licence.

Go to FreeTube and select the channel that you want.

Posting on Blogger

2007-02-13T11:18:00.000Z

Google has changed the way that you use blogger.

They have integrated it with the gmail service, so you now log on using your gmail account. If you don't have a gmail account, you need to be invited to set one up, so leave a comment request.

As a result, jonny has set up a gmail account, so you can log in with jonnymelee@gmail.com with the password the same as before.

Luke and Kev can log in as before, and you'll be prompted to switch to the new version.

Chase that Stag

2007-02-11T20:29:00.000Z

Ok guys. Where there's wedding, there's a groom (lesbian marriages excluded). Where theres a groom, theres a stag do.
I've just spoken to Dave, aka Best Man, and it looks like that it is going to happen sometime over the weekend of the 9th/10th of June. So keep it free.
Get in touch with Dave if you wanna share the burden of organising/comin up with ideas. I know that Dave wouldn't have had a stag-do if it wasn't for Ben!

Also, check out this fight in the QPR v China game last week.

Premiership v La Liga

2007-02-08T10:47:00.000Z

It is claimed on quite a regular basis that the premiership is 'The Best League in the World'.
I say: Rubbish.
When it comes to this time of the year, what you really want in your league, no matter who you support, is an open contest as to who can become champions. If you remember a few seasons ago, on the last day of the season at the other end of the table, any one of 4 teams could stay up and the rest would go down.
If you look at the top of the Premiership now, it would appear that United have won the league, and if they have not it will be Chelsea. No it won't be liverpool, neither Arsenal.
This is the problem.
In spain, 13th placed Deportivo are as close to winning the title as 4th placed Arsenal. What a better run in. The gap between 1st and 2nd in England is filled by the top 4 in Spain. The top 3 in England covers the top 8 in Spain.
In order for the premiership to actually be the best league in the world, a far greater level of competition has to be established.

Pictures taken from soccernet.com

Spare Time

2007-02-01T22:13:00.000Z

I had a couple of minutes free the other night so I thought I'd do this....

2007-01-31T16:17:00.000Z

This is just a quick post of various e-mails gone around that you may or may not have received. Enjoy:

To join the stickcricket campaign and get Services to the premiership, click here

To see the biggest NES collection on sale on e-bay, click here

To see a video of me, nick, kev, pete and tom's trips to Menorca click here

To have a look at how far, or how close, Kings Sports are from getting to compete with the likes of Manchester United, Chelsea and Wigan, click here

To watch a video of some american guy doing unbelievable impressions of Snoop, LL, Jayz, and DMX, (no not one of the 'bens' justyn) click here

2007-01-31T12:01:00.000Z

Check this video out of the Air Guitar World Championships

Also, taken from BBC SPORT:
Down in South America, a Boca Juniors fan is suing a tattooist who inked a giant penis on to his back instead of the club crest he requested.

Unbeknown to him, the tattooist was a supporter of arch-rivals River Plate and could not bring himself to do the dirty deed.

The victim told police: "I could not see what he was tattooing because he didn't have a mirror. I only saw it when I got home and showed it to my parents." Ouch.

Anyone for some sheep

2007-01-27T15:53:00.000Z

In the old viking calendar, today (i think) is the start or end of a month. Clearly more research would have made this a more interesting read.

Anyway, to celebrate: sheep head festival!

Here goes...

2007-01-25T15:47:00.000Z

Ok, so this melee blog has fast become an alex blog, which is annoyin, but hey, who cares. I've decided to take this thing by the scruff of the neck and actually put some stuff on here, in the hope that others may feel inspired to follow suit...or not.

First up, is wedding issues. So me and the H are engaged now and all. Weddin plan as it stands is to try and book out some accomodation for all the foreigners comin, and have it for the week leading up to the wedding, I'm assumin that all the jonnys will be making there way across the north sea/atlantic.
Invites will be sent as soon as this accomodation is booked, and then you'll be havin to book your flights.

Second up, disappointment at the lack of jonny melee action. Someone phone up a 5-a-side place and sort that out I beg. I know u haven't got 5 definates like last season, but in the beginning of melee, in dunstable, kev me and nick were the only core, and u've got sam kev and justyn as 'definates'.
Then you have the layer of 'non-dependables', who'll play maybe 2 out of 3: Dave, Pedre. And after that rather small layer, you have a richly populated layer of 'ringers', including: Ports, Nikky F (if he's up), Drewin, Ben Foz (if he's up), Jay, Justyn's mate who we've stood up, Luke if he's up, me when i'm back, Sam booker, any one who plays for kings.

New Years

2007-01-07T20:52:00.000Z

My favourite moment of New Years, just canny!! nice job boys!

2006-12-11T15:18:00.000Z

'If You Don't Know Me By Now' by David Brent

Goals

2006-12-06T13:10:00.000Z

missed Match of the day? This web-site has every goal from every game in the premiership. It also has most goals from every other league in europe, and some goals from brasil, argentina.

Bye bye telly, hello internet

Loose Change 2nd Edition Recut

2006-11-30T09:18:00.000Z


All I want you to do is watch the first 10 minutes. The total play time is over an hour. Just watch the first 10 and tell me what you think...

2006-11-28T13:43:00.000Z

Ronaldinho fantastico overhead/bicyle kick v Villarreal

Snow, snow, snow

2006-11-19T20:11:00.000Z

So over here its been snowin for the last couple days,
lots of people slidin their cars off the road into snow drifts,
really really want to get me one of these snow-mobiles that people have here,
although heard that they are a bit of a death trap,

speakin of which, what is the deal with kings guys, c'mon.

I got that latest edition of 'Inside Hemel A+E', also known as the king's match report,
Surely something has got to be done bout it.
Has anyone spoken to any other teams about whether they experience the same amount of injuries?

Anyway, back for the wedding next week, lukes gonna be up. You around Foz? Fancy like makin a trip up? Me and Hanna are plannin on doin Christmas shoppin in London on Friday, so whoever wants to come is more than welcome. Kevo's in.

BORED!

2006-11-14T18:16:00.000Z

Time to reminisce

2006-11-14T10:59:00.000Z

Check this website out, and enjoy the sounds:

Mario

New Jane!

2006-10-31T15:13:00.000Z

After successfully navigating the month trail period, a new Jane has been initiated with the traditional paperclips. Kiristie (the posh spelling) pictured later has become the latest melee skirt! However bazaarly this doesn't effect the marridge odds;

fav Alex
2nd Pete
3rd Tom
4th Kev
5th Nick

Rumour has it though that kev will be turning the heat up on Alex's place! Watch this space.

Nap Dine

2006-10-27T01:24:00.000+01:00

Napoleon Dynamite Dance Scene

Probably the best scene in cinema history

Icelandic Pics

2006-10-25T10:24:00.000+01:00

No prizes for guessing the sex of the whale!

Some Norway Pics

2006-10-20T15:29:00.001+01:00

Check out this quality vid as well!!!!

Sam in Iceland

2006-10-05T15:58:00.000+01:00

Alright everyone?
Al insisted that i posted something on the blog,so i'll briefly tell how my firt two days in Iceland have been!
I have to say that i fell in love with this country!Everything is so quite and the nature is just amazing that i wish i could stay here for good,no matter how cold it is!Oh yea,the hot showers are excelent too!!
My tour of the country started just as we came out of the airport on tuesday afternoon.Hanna's dad took Al and me for a drive to some interesting places like right where the European and the North American continental plates meet and to some extinct volcano.Like Al said,the landsape in this region reminds of Mars,but with a bit of grass.Later on that evening Al and me went to play some football with some guys from church.It was rainy and cold but it was good to play a bit of footy!
Next day Hanna took us to have some lunch in this tinny old restaurant by the sea.The lobster soap was great!Then in the evening the three of us went to the blue lagoon!That place is just amazing!It's like an outdoor jacuzzi but natural!!
During the day Al is working (or pretending to) and Hanna is at school or at work,so we do our little trips in the evenings,as for me,im either sleeping or chilling watching some curb your enthusiasm or family guy!
On friday we're off to a road trip to the glacier fot the weekend,it should be awesome!!
Have a nice one!
Samuca.

My lil update

2006-09-29T01:10:00.000+01:00

Greetings from iceland. Its been a very quick week over here, settled in quite well. What better way to get started than to get naked with jane's dad before taking a dip in a hot-spring/stream.
Clearly, livin the jonny-less life isn't easy, but got some poker organised, and i'm successfully avoiding the 7 pound a beer prices at the bars. (Albeit after having got suckered in once).
This weekend goin to some jazz concert, and saturday heading out to Hanna's summer house for the weekend, should be good.

By the way gents, there is a quality film coming out (its in the iceland film festival). Its like a really arty film made about zidane. 17 cameras followed him durin a la liga game last season, and they've compiled this quality film showin his expressions and stuff. I know it sounds like player-cam but its not.

Is the end approaching once again?

2006-09-25T14:32:00.000+01:00

Due to my recent injury I have withdrawn Melee from the Welwyn league at the end of the season. If anyone would like to take control of the team and keep it going it is possible for Melee to continue playing up until Christmas.

Lets put in a huge effort to win the last few games of the season and end on a positive note by taking the Premiership title.

Sorry lads, but sometimes it just isnt meant to be.

Table - Premier Division - 3 Games Left

2006-09-22T10:50:00.000+01:00

We are top of the league, I say we are top of the league!!!

Only 1 Point Behind!!

2006-09-14T15:27:00.000+01:00

Great result last night lads, I was well proud of you all. This is how the league table is looking. It's another big game next week as well, because we take on Inn on the Green FC, who are just behind us and are pretty decent. So we need another good performance to really push Cox to the end. They are playing bottom this week so should get 3 points. The other weeks should be a bit harder for them (hopefully). Well done last night, great all round team performance.

Jonnys at Brasil v Argentina

2006-09-08T20:43:00.000+01:00

Hey everyone!

Here are some pictures from the match!!hope you all like them!!

Samuca.

fantasy ball

2006-09-04T23:32:00.000+01:00

how crap are al and foz?

Larry David - Genius

2006-08-30T11:00:00.000+01:00

If your not a big curb your enthusiasm fan, you may not find this funny. But I don't really care.
Have a watch anyway
Larry David

Melee vs AFC Manish

2006-08-29T12:49:00.000+01:00

Big game this week lads. Playing second in the league and a win is essential to keep up with the pace. New signing Jonny Scottish has been drawn in, and expectation surrounding him is high. Will Jonny Fudge be fit!????

Champions League Draw

2006-08-24T12:14:00.000+01:00

Champions League draw for the group stages takes place this afternoon at 5pm. Check this out as a possible sticky group for Chelsea:

Barcelona
Chelsea
Sporting Lisbon
Galatasaray

If your interested, all the seeding information can be found here:
Seedings

2 new gems

2006-08-22T13:32:00.000+01:00

Ricky Gervais has brought out two new episodes as the office's star David Brent, where he plays a mangement consultant. I have to confess, i haven't actually watched these yet (cos i'm at work), but i'm reliably informed that they are hilarious.

These guys know what i'm talking about:

Got 37 minutes free? watch it.

Part II (20 Mins) Part II (17 mins)

Sussex Cup - Last Sunday

2006-08-17T11:24:00.000+01:00

Last Sunday Melee took the field in the Sussex Cup 5-a-side tournament , held in Brighton.

After nearly missing the first game, due to the fact we got lost it was apparent that things may start off with a poor result. Indeed they did, Melee losing 2-1, however slightly unlucky with the result. After a half hour break the second game of the group stage saw us come from 1-0 down to win 2-1, with goals from picnic and crouchinho. The turning point had began. Another hard worked 2-1 victory in the third game, goals from fudge and picnic saw us take up first place in the league. The fourth game saw Melee turn up and destroy their opponents 6-0 with some great passing moves. Superb goals, from fudge, jonny, crouchinho and picnic (3) left Melee still at the top with one league game to go. With a point required from the last game to top the group and automatic qualification already achieved, Melee failed to play the same footy they been previously in the tournament and lost 2-0. With other results not going their way, left Melee going through in second place.

With this fact a draw against a top half team saw us take on Jackson 6 in the second round. A hardworking performance saw us take the lead with an excellent individual goal from sam. Unfortunaetly we could only hold the lead for less than a minute. Half time saw the score 1-1. Second half Melee began to tire, with some superb saves from fickle keeping them in the game. However Jackson 6 hit us on the counter attack, broke through and slotted the ball home to take the lead with 3mins to go. Late chances saw picnic have shots saved, hit the post and had the keeping cheating by sliding in, however it was not to be and Melee had to go home after a 2-1 loss.

Great performances from everyone who played on Sunday. I was very proud of everyone and we gave it 100% effort. Thanks goes out to the famliy in the volkswagen for the smarties.

Surely not

2006-08-15T12:29:00.000+01:00

The people who brought you stick cricket have released stick soccer.

http://www.sticksportssoccer.com/

Fit Kits

2006-08-11T13:42:00.000+01:00

At least we looked good lads. As Take That once said 'things can only get better'.

Bath

2006-08-07T15:33:00.000+01:00

Melee took a trip to bath. Well, I say melee, it was supposed to be, but then picnic jonny felt tired/wanted to play poker, fudge jonny had a 'sleep-over' at a friend's house (heard that one before), and jonny lost-at-poker was badly influenced by his jane and decided not to come.
Replacements were, Mexciano Al and Jane.

Canny trip still despite the drop-outs. Windsor, Bath and Oxford all visited and conquered.

Tax man

2006-08-03T15:17:00.001+01:00

Possibly the best letter ever to come out of the Inland Revenue....Taken from the Guardian, an actual letter sent by the Inland Revenue:

Dear Mr Addison,

I am writing to you to express our thanks for your more than prompt reply to our latest communication, and also to answer some of the points you raise. I will address them, as ever, in order.

Firstly, I must take issue with your description of our last as a "begging letter". It might perhaps more properly be referred to as a "tax demand". This is how we at the Inland Revenue have always, for reasons of accuracy, traditionally referred to such documents.

Secondly, your frustration at our adding to the "endless stream of crapulent whining and panhandling vomited daily through the letterbox on to the doormat" has been noted. However, whilst I have naturally not seen the other letters to which you refer I would cautiously suggest that their being from "pauper councils, Lombardy pirate banking houses and pissant gas-mongerers" might indicate that your decision to "file them next to the toilet in case of emergencies" is at best a little ill-advised. In common with my own organisation, it is unlikely that the senders of these letters do see you as a "lackwit bumpkin" or, come to that, a "sodding charity". More likely they see you as a citizen of Great Britain, with a responsibility to contribute to the upkeep of the nation as a whole.

Which brings me to my next point. Whilst there may be some spirit of truth in your assertion that the taxes you pay "go to shore up the canker-blighted, toppling folly that is the Public Services", a moment's rudimentary calculation ought to disabuse you of the notion that the government in any way expects you to "stump up for the whole damned party" yourself. The estimates you provide for the Chancellor's disbursement of the funds levied by taxation, whilst colourful, are, in fairness, a little off the mark. Less than you seem to imagine is spent on "junkets for Bunterish lickspittles" and "dancing whores" whilst far more than you have accounted for is allocated to, for example, "that box-ticking facade of a university system."

A couple of technical points arising from direct queries:
1. The reason we don't simply write "Muggins" on the envelope has to do with the vagaries of the postal system;
2. You can rest assured that "sucking the very marrows of those with nothing else to give" has never been considered as a practice because even if the Personal Allowance didn't render it irrelevant, the sheer medical logistics involved would make it financially unviable.

I trust this has helped. In the meantime, whilst I would not in any way wish to influence your decision one way or the other, I ought to point out that even if you did choose to "give the whole foul jamboree up and go and live in India" you would still owe us the money. Please send it to us by Friday.

Yours sincerely,
H J Lee
Customer Relations

Collina eat yer 'art out

2006-08-01T13:44:00.000+01:00

If we get this ref, I would absolutely love it

video

A New Season Is Upon Us

2006-08-01T10:23:00.000+01:00

Right lads, its one week to go til the new Melee season begins. We are now playing on Weds nights in Welwyn (Gosling Sports Centre). We have been placed in the Premiership division so far, but I may try and get us relegated before next week!

The new website for Pitch Invasion Leagues is here. You can also check out information bout the Brighton Cup competition that we are playing in on the 13th August.

I have a registration sheet for all players, so if you wanna register i need your DOB and address. Obviously thats only really needed for jonny abroad/green as they wont be around to play next week.

Kit also needs to be purchased for the new season ahead. Im thinking a trip into Luton on Saturday for a new kit should be on the cards.

The squad (in no particular order): Jonny, Jonny Jonny, Crouchinho, Playboy, Abroad, Green, Fudge, Picnic, Jimmy, Samba, Married - any others are as always welcome to join the squad.

If we get 6 to play each week it costs a fiver each. Bring on the new season!!!

Fantasy Football

2006-07-31T13:07:00.000+01:00

There's a fantasy football league been set up for the new season. Its quite a good one, as you have to have some weak players in your squad.
Go to:
Fantasy Footy

and then, having made your team and everything, use the following code to join the league, which I believe has been called JobHunters or something.

Just looked in my e-mail, looks like i've deleted the one with the code on it. Webbo, could u wack it up on the blog for us?

Revamp

2006-07-26T15:15:00.000+01:00

Its a new season, look around. United, Liverpool, Chelsea, Arsenal, Real Madrid...the list is endless. You name the top side and its pretty much guaranteed that they've got a new look out this season.

melee included

Copa do Brasil

2006-07-26T14:55:00.000+01:00

Its the copa do brasil final tonight. Vasco are playing against Flamengo and are 2-0 down from the first leg. Apparently its on Record TV. I'm gonna be watching it at mine, so feel free to pop in to watch. I think kick off is at 2.30am. See you at the maracana

fantasy football

2006-07-19T15:35:00.000+01:00

Hey, did we say we were all gonna chuck in a score for the winner of the fantasy football compo?

5-a-side

2006-07-19T10:15:00.000+01:00

You boys interested in a bit of an all day 5-a-side tournament?

OXFORDSHIRE KNOCKOUT CUP - SUN 30th JULY

Due to massive demand, we are proud to announce our forthcoming Knockout Cup competitions.These will run regularly throughout the year at different venues, and are open to all teams of all abilities.
• 4 or 5 long group games
• 45-60 minutes of play minimum guaranteed
• Champions league style cup extravaganza
• Huge winner and runner-up prizes
• Pit your wits against teams from all over the UK, plus challengers from outside Pitch Invasion.
• Some events even offer cash prizes!
Have you always fancied your chances against the big-boys and inflicting an upset? Here’s your chance, anything can happen so enter your team now.

Nike Football Spoof

2006-05-27T16:38:00.000+01:00

Bloody Students. Got nothin to do but make absolutely canny videos. Check this out...

Man Met Students Vid

world cup blues

2006-05-02T23:05:00.000+01:00

i'm not gonna be back by June.....
at least I'm not the only one whose gonna miss the World Cup

oh and by the way
BIG UP DAUDI!
WOOO!

jonny green