Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Pics for your pleasure


An Ode To Melee

Dear Melee

Melee is the greatest feeling,
In Melee we just love to play,
Melee is makes me feel alive,
Each and every day,
Melee is like a simple smile,
Melee is like a awesome song,
Melee is a great emotion,
That keeps us going strong,
I love you Melee with my heart,
My body and my soul,
I love the way I keep loving,
Like a love I can't control,
So remember when we are all old,
I love you with all my heart,
And I have poured my entire soul into you,
Right from the very start

Profits

The adverts above this post, courtesy of google, have so far raked in profits of $2.30 It works out at an average of 7c per day since they were first put up. So hopefully they'll be paying for a july trip to a restaurant or something (I wish).

retort

Daudi is a married man
'Bench Warming' is his place
If I say one more word to the ref
He says he'll cut my face

Another Verse

swagger is alex's style,
though his mouth turns the ref sour!
he is known fo his strong opinions,
that will change in half an hour!!

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Little Poem (Add verses)

Nick used to look like prince will
Until he broke his nose
Now he resembles stevie bruce
Til he to a nose-job, goes

Kev used to be the man with tricks
Until he bust his knee
Now all he does is watch chick-flicks
And listen to r. Kelly

Dave and Just’ enjoy a fight
Especially with each other
The only times that they don’t fight
Is when Dave fights his brother

Where would we be without Samuel?
I wouldn’t like to judge
I am however worried about
His frequenting of Fudge

Luke Carey is a jonny
who lives over sea
he comes over-we don't see him
he goes to see becky

Monday, November 28, 2005

heres to hope

i look at the yellow i look at the sky
i look at all that all is good in the world
and i hope that you do not die

i long for our life again i long for you to remain
i loved the way u turned and spead
and i would hate to take the train

actually my piece of shit car isnt worth all this bloody poetry

An Ode to a Pineapple

*DISCLAIMER: This poem is simply about a pineapple that someone once bought. Any resemblance that it may have with Justyn's car are purely coincidental

An Ode to a Pineapple

Pineapple, my friend.
How wonderful you look,
You came to me with a promise of ripeness,
And I cradled you to my chest

Why is it, then, that you turn on me?
What did I do to deserve the bitter taste you have produced?
You have done nothing but cause me trouble.
From hell I received you, and to hell I shall let you go.

Your leaves, once shone in the sun,
Now prickle me and cut me like thorns.
How many segments inside of you are wrong?
Who can count the grains of sugar required to create a good taste?

Without you, I can do nothing.
I am stationary, helpless in this world of movement.
With you, I am nothing.
And I remain static.

Pineapple, my enemy.
How terrible, how merciless you are.
After all I did for you, the price I paid,
And you can do nothing but fail me.

Friday, November 25, 2005

There Back!

http://www.break.com/articles/loveme.html

Match Report

On Cold December Evening, Melee took to the field against top of the league PCH struggling for numbers, as looking at lights getting turned on and working at perfect pizza took preference. However this presented an opportunity for Joel Pusey to make his debut.

Player Ratings:

Alex Couper..... 6 -Worked hard throughout the game, making good runs got rewarded with a well taken goal. However fitness was lacking due to recent illness therefore failed to track back on occasion.

Dave Couper..... 6 -Good first half then lost his head at the start of the second half which resulted in giving away a penalty. Came back strong probably scored can't remember, but then spent the rest of the game trying to think of a come back to their little fat guy upfront.

Nick Foster..... 6 -The Sublime and the ridiculous. Quiet First half, which ended prematurely with an ankle injury, through which forced him to go in goal. The 2nd half saw him produced some magnificent saves, having an unprecedented amount of one-on-ones to deal with, mixed in with deflecting 2 shots going wide into his goal, and letting shots run over his feet. Verdict go back to clown school. Conceded 5 in the 2nd half.

Samuel Samoca... 8 -Spent the first half in goal, questionable tactics from the manager but he was off delivering pizza's so couldn't comment. Made some good saves, was only beaten through superb strikes and lack of cover. 2nd Half saw the teenage sensation come out, (not out of the closet, out of goal), so did all the tricks. The little Brazilian scored 3 class goals, could have been more but the gay chip kept coming out and PCH refused to let him play trying to kick lumps out of him instead. Conceded 5 scored 3.

Joel Pusey..... 7 -A solid debut from the managers son. Worked hard all game, grabbing 3 goals.


Half time score 5-3
Fulltime Score 10-8.
Final verdict: If we had a full team out we could have got something out of this game. But the fact remains we need to work on our fitness and Dave's temperament.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Resignation

This was a true letter of resignation sent.

Mr Baker,

As an employee of an institution of higher education, I have a few very basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your consistent and annoying harassment of myself and my co-workers during the commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few true genetic wastes of our time. Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired because I know about Unix, and you were apparently hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" for the hundredth time.

You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even though I am sure this will be just as effective as telling you what an IP is. Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will. You walk around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in others. You have a sharp dressed useless look about you that may have worked for your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your glaring ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle.

Seeing as this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation, however I have a few parting thoughts.

1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal to give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is "I prefer not to comment." I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of years to keep you honest, because I know you would be unable to do it on your own.

2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get cute, I am going to publish your "favourites list", which I conveniently saved when you made me "back up" your useless files. I do believe that terms like "Lolita" are not usually viewed favourably by the administration.

3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your mothers b-day", you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures of yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them like the techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never seen such odd acts with a ketchup bottle, but I assure you that those have been copied and kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of recommendation. (Try to use a spell check please, I hate having to correct your mistakes.)

Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on my desk by 8:00 am tomorrow.

One word of this to anybody, and all of your little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public. Never f-- k with your systems administrators, because they know what you do with all your free time.

Sincerely,
Ted Brewer

Drugs

Another little game. I managed to make 4million. Have a go...

Drugs work

How To Pass A Drunk Driving Test

Quite funny this!

Driving test

Manc trip for obrigadinho and swag

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

2 min time waster

Got too much time on your hands? This will use up about 1 min 45 seconds.Fry

Relationship Wisdom

How to tell its over...

Match Preview

Melee,

Alright boys. Another big, big game on thursday. Melee v PCH. Kick off 8pm. No super-samba this week tho, he's on trial at Real Madrid apparently. Casillas is stalling over a new contract, so he's probably gonna get snapped up, with melee getting no compensation what-so-ever. Shocking news.

If we win on thursday, we should go 3rd and have a decent shot at 2nd in the weeks after. Justyn has ruled himself out with an ankle injury, so its 5 again (hopefully) as long as Joel agrees to play.

Melee (from): Joel, Daudi, Nick, Alex, Samuca

qual e o seu passatempo preferido?

Laters
Al.

Friday, November 18, 2005

Sheep Reflexes

have a go at this reflex tester.

Sheep sheep sheep sheep

A Moscada

jonnys

A wondeful crisp evening, the winter chills surrounding the ground and yet the mellee boys produced a firery performance.

the best way to describe our performance is 'stable with a pinch of class' jonnys nick dave and myself kept it solid at the back leaving sam to chase and infultrate bits of class. They went up with the opening goal but from that point onwards were always lookign back as melee took the lead which they held for the rest of the game. Us defensive boys all got 2 a piece (class lads) whilst sam just got the one and al managed a quality smauel speciality cheeky chip.

Of course a salways samba produced a dazzling display in the nets, he is worth 3/4 goals a game-sheer brilliance.

Match incident: myself and dave has been relativly calm this game, no major flare ups-wed all been working hard to maintain a 4 goal lead. Al comes on for nick: Huge swagger, i mean al comes on with a grin and stride ud think he just got quick 1 - 2 with some lady round the back of the pitch (this is all said in friendly banter). Needless to say the swagger continues and within minutes jonny wont move away form the ball afer conceding a free kick, ignoring the calls of his brother jonny got sinbinned and momentarily melle looked in toruble. Luckily their 2 goal get back wasnt enough, as soon as al got back on the pitch and after a slight bit of negative banterall is jonnys once agian.

8-6 victory against one of the top temas in the legauer leaves us joint 3rd with that very team.

To end i thought id leave us with some poetry as it best describes where were at, i found half of it on the net then did the other half:

the fun is in the playing which lasts far longer than the result and score-sheet at the end of a game, where the commaradery is often unspoken but felt strongly, the teamplay sometimes poetry in motion. The joy that gloom can bring either in defeat or victory goes way beyond a simple 'I win you lose'. In the end it doesn't matter what the result is, that's the icing on the cake, not a reflection on how well or how badly any individual has played. Win Lose or Tie-Mellee jonnys will remain, in time of broken legs or wounded souls are victories go beyond the pitch, they last longer then a moment and transcend the extasy of a win. boys stand firm, and lose we will not although we will at times encounter loss. What is true to note is our commaredery is more then a feeling after a win, but a truth that is found amongst a band of men. Together we go forth!

jonny

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

jokey

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.” The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”

Monday, November 14, 2005

Ridic Hilar Video

Need to have sound on to appreciate it at all. They look like cartoons. To be fair to them the coreography isn't bad given the space. My rating 3.5/5

Students

Lasts for 3mins 35secs. Watch if you've got the time.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

No game thurs

Boys,

The good news is that i've saved us £25. The bad news is that I may have cost us 2pts. Apparently if we don't turn up for friendlies that they arrange as a result of a team pullin out, we don't get our 10-0 win. Basically, its their way of making money out of a non-fixture. In fact its ridiculous. Lets say there are 2 fixtures that have one team missing from each. Each of the missing teams have to pay the total price of their respective fixtures, and then the other two teams get paired against each other, and have to pay £25 each.
Anyways, the woman was claimin that we either get a draw or (effectively) have to pay £25 for the win. I was like, well, everyones already made plans, so I can turn up by myself, get the 3 pts and you'll have the whole other team moanin at you for them payin £25 for shootin practice.
She tried to offer me a 'worse' deal of postponing the match, and waiting for a new team to come in to take the place and then playing it, so I was like "yeah OK then, do that." When it comes down to it, I can't really justify in my own mind paying money for a win. The other team that we were scheduled to play haven't turned up. Fact. The outcome of that game shouldn't be dependent upon whether we pay to play a friendly or not. Corruption dot com.

Anyways boys, no football thursday. See you all later in the week. Sam, u might wanna do some level of translation for andre cos its long winded!.

Laters
Al.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Matrix in Ascii

Someone has had far too much time on their hands, other than me.
Its a scene from the matrix entirely done using letters to create the 3d images. pretty impressive.

matrix

Laters.

Rubbish Game

Check out this link

Muslim Soccer

Basically, some guy has published 'godly' rules for muslim football. What an awful game. Play for three halves of 40 mins, with any number of players except 11. No corners, penalties, throw-ins. No cross-bar. Not sure how that works. No referee. If someone is fouled, people have to 'bear-witness'. Play in pyjamas!! If someone celebrates, they have to be spat in the face!! Slightly harsh. No post-match banter.

Probably the worst game ever made. Don't think its gonna catch on. Also, it faces the slight problem that it is based entirely on 'be as close to football as possible, without looking like football in the west', so if it catches on, they'd have to change it again!!

PaperClip

It has become synominous with an attachment on an e-mail, but the paperclip is much more than that. Both Kev and Lucas reached their paperclip anniversaries this week with their janes. Luke went for a pink and black interlocking necklace, whilst details of kevs are undisclosed. nick must be loving his £50 placed on the kev meister who seems to love a bit of commitment.

Saturday, November 05, 2005

Jonny Delays...

A loss for the lads which was so close to being a win.

The might of melee shone early on as they took a 3 goal lead, i cant remeber but im sure they were all scored by sam-and the reason they had no goals at this point was due, again, to the best 5 a side goalie in the league. Samba and sam: we hail you.

Now it was a s always a team effort and we deserved our 1st half lead, but as the 2nd half wor on they leveled at about 7 a piece and it was tough going, they got a bit of luck with a deflected goal and somehow we couldnt captalises, sammy kept us in the game with more goals but we tired in the midst and they used theur subs carefully. Bastauds-we should had these boys they were top of the league and 2 top wins in a row would ahve really put melle on the map.

Final scor: 11-9

Post match banter, Destorted somehow as i seemed to forget what was planned and drove two jonnys home rather then back to the pool of naked love. Sorry boys.

Dave and myself both picked up knocks this morning so we might be scraping for a squad on thurs but hopefully all will be good with tom arriving back on the scene.

jonny

Friday, November 04, 2005

story?

lads what happened last night?

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Thursday Preview

Every week, the games just keep getting bigger. This week promises a double helping of crucial games with first placed Unreliable FC travelling to 5th placed Melee, and 2nd placed PCH playing against 3rd placed 'The Otter'.
Unreliable FC are not living up to their name. Having played 7 won 6 and scored a fair few, they're turning out to be one of the more reliable teams in the league. The one game they did lose, however, was against 'The Otter', the team that were on the losing side against Melee last week. This game promises some huge performances from both sets of players, and certainly not one to miss.

With a nine point gap between Melee and the next placed team, the title race is beginning to get narrowed down, and now contains only 5 from the original 8. A win for Melee will put them 3 points off top. With a guaranteed 3 points coming the following week, and unreliable FC playing against the only team that has beaten them so far, potentially Melee could be sitting top of the league by Friday week.

Squad News:
Foster began breathing through his nose this week, after being out with a broken face, and looks set to deputise for the absent David Couper. Couper apparently would rather play the triangle than be part of one of the most exciting seasons in living memory.
Melee (from): Andre, Foster, Justyn, Alex, Samuca

Kick off is at 8pm

Football Manager 2006

Baz Lurman's - Everybody is free to play Footy Manager 2006

I think i have the new champ working, if anybody wants a copy let me know

jonny team coach