Melee punish The Punishers once again

On the night of Weds 26th Oct Melee took to the field in what some where saying pre match was already a guaranteed victory against the team who followed Melee up to the premiership ‘The Punishers’. With such an aggressive name you would have though the Melee team might be slightly worried but another convincing 9-3 win took Melees total vs The Punishers to 24-7 from three games.

So it’s been a few weeks since the blog was updated. There has been holidays, injuries and gigs preventing a regular team from playing together, however two excellent wins over Steaua Needarest and Acapulco Tropical were preceded by Melee’s only defeat in 17 to current league leaders Buckies Up. A shock result last night saw Hoylake FC beat Buckies Up 6-5 to leave three teams all joint at the top of the league, leaving all to play for in the remaining two fixtures including a massive game for Melee vs. Hoylake to end the season.



Although last nights game had a little bit of a testimonial atmosphere Melee played some nice football at times whilst not getting into top gear. One first half goal from each of the outfield team took the score to 4-2, which could have been many more – Foster scoring a cracker from wide right into the corner which kept up his pre match warm up screamers. Chris P also deserves mention for his cultured finish with the outside of his foot into the far corner.

Second half saw the goals start to flow although sloppy mistakes by the opposition defence did help the fact. Jack and Kev completed their hat tricks with some nice interchanges and link play. Foz grabbed a second to his delight. The scores could have been less favourable if their shooting was any good and Fab didn’t make quite a few decent saves, one special with his back! Final score 9-3

So as this season draws to a close goal difference could be the difference between 1st and 3rd. Two massive games to come – exciting times for Melee.

Xmas team curry is also on the cards – details to follow!

Welcome to the big league

After securing promotion last year Melee took to the field in the first ever Premiership game in the London Westminster league. With no prior experience at this level no-one knew how Melee would fair against top rate opposition called “Did Jamie Redknapp Smash It” – an ode to the infamous Richard Keys quote.

The game started tightly with chances at either end. Fabio making quite a few brilliant saves that seemed to all hit off the outside off the post. However it wasn’t all one way traffic and an early Kev shot hit the inside of the post. After some tense play and the possesion going back and forth the deadlock was finally broken by a long range effort from Kev and as soon as that happened the flood gates seemed to open in Melee’s favour. High pressing from the midfield of Chris and Mark (making his return to Melee after 3months out with that all to familiar ‘too much football now I’m in nearly 30 injury) meant that the opposition started to give the ball away for the first time. Melee capitalised on that and 4 more goals followed before half time, Kev picking up 3 and Chris Pils with a cultured finish. Half time 5-0. Roll on the premier league!

Organisation through out was key and Nick and Fabio shouted orders from the back which set out a solid formation and made it very hard for Melee to be broken down – leaving Jamie Redknapps to have only pop shots from range that Fabio eats up for breakfast. Some of the passing in the second half was sublime, interchange between Mark and Pils was great and some lovely one touch goals saw the total quickly rack up to 10-0, with Pils picking up a few more, Mark with a classy curler into the far corner and Kev tapping one in after the keeper fell over in a comical moment.

With no subs the pace started to slow as legs got tired and the away team got a couple back after what was some lovely skill in fairness. The game ended up 11-2 with all players on cloud 9 after their debut prem performance. With Melee’s rating at ‘dangerous’ the scouting sharks are floating round the team, with ‘big money offers’ on the cards from other teams and coaches ‘wanting to take on a winning side’ there could be a view that some of the team might be tempted to move on. But with a strong squad a team morale at an all time high surely even Man City can’t afford to bring in any of this Melee team (even Foz on his huge basic salary)

With Foz and Kev out next week there is a huge game pending against the team that won the Premiership the last 3 seasons and have not lost in 19 games. Can Melee continue their own 14 game wining streak? Some stats on the teams are below: looks like a massive one!




MELEE STATS

RECENT GAMES
Average Goals scored in last 3 games: 11.33 (way above average)
Average Goals conceded in last 3 games: 2.33 (around the same as average)
Overall recent form: 9 / 10

RECENT RESULTS
2011-09-28 won 11-2 vs Did Jamie Rednapp Smash It
2011-09-21 won 11-3 vs Inter Tavolato
2011-09-14 won 12-2 vs On Her Majesty's Cervix

LEAGUE TITLES
Season ending 2011-08-03 LDN Westminster Division 1
Season ending 2011-09-21 LDN Westminster Championship

THIS SEASON'S STATS
Total won: 1
Total drawn: 0
Total lost: 0
Total points: 3
Total goals for: 11
Total goals against: 2
Goal difference: 9

STREAKS
Longest winning streak 14 wins from 29-06-2011 to 28-09-2011
Longest losing streak 3 losses from 11-05-2011 to 25-05-2011

GOALS
Goals scored ever: 135
Average goals per game: 6.14
Goals conceded ever: 59
Overall goal difference: 76
Greatest thrashing ever given: vs On Her Majesty's Cervix 14-09-2011 (won 12-2)
Greatest thrashing ever taken: vs Steaua Needarest 11-05-2011 (lost 11-3)
Most goals in single game: vs On Her Majesty's Cervix 14-09-2011 (won 12-2)

NEXT WEEKS GAME

“Battle of the big hitters! Both Melee and Buckies Up are looking unstoppable this season, and both these teams have been scoring goal after blistering goal in the past few weeks. Buckies Up, we reckon, are the underdogs and Melee could win this game, but could our prediction be accurate? Lets wait and see!”

BUCKIES UP (19 games undefeated)

RECENT GAMES
Average Goals scored in last 3 games: 6.33 (way above average)
Average Goals conceded in last 3 games: 2.67 (way below average)
Overall recent form: 10 / 10

RECENT RESULTS
2011-09-28 won 8-3 vs QP Aunt FC
2011-09-21 drew 3-3 vs QP Aunt FC
2011-09-14 won 8-2 vs Acapulco Tropical

LEAGUE TITLES
Season ending 2011-04-27 LDN Westminster Championship
Season ending 2011-06-15 LDN Westminster Premiership
Season ending 2011-08-03 LDN Westminster Premiership
Season ending 2011-09-21 LDN Westminster Premiership

THIS SEASON'S STATS
Total won: 1
Total drawn: 0
Total lost: 0
Total points: 3
Total goals for: 8
Total goals against: 3
Goal difference: 5

STREAKS
Longest winning streak 17 wins from 25-05-2011 to 14-09-2011
Longest losing streak 5 losses from 17-03-2010 to 14-04-2010

GOALS
Goals scored ever: 613
Average goals per game: 5.42
Goals conceded ever: 444
Overall goal difference: 169
Greatest thrashing ever given: vs On Her Majesty's Cervix 04-05-2011 (won 13-0)
Greatest thrashing ever taken: vs QPR B Team 20-01-2010 (lost 11-0)
Most goals in single game: vs Becrypt FC Allstars 22-12-2010 (won 15-6)

The Table Never Lies

In football they say the table never lies:



Played 7, Won 7, Goal For 56, Goals Against 16 - An unbeaten goal fest of a season

Melee rounded off the championship season last night with an emphatic win over Inter Travaloto. In what some would describe as a non-event, testimonial or 'pointless' game Melee proved they were still up for it and put in a worthy champions performance with a 13-3 victory.

The team consisting of Josh ‘the cat’ Featherby in goal, Spike and Jack on their second games, old man Kev, young whipper snapper Dave and that silky lefty Chrissy P who filled in at the back for an absent nikky f. The team did what was required with a flurry of goals in the second half sealing the result. The game started very tight and was fairly even up to half time. Melee led 2-1 and it was expected to be a low scoring game. However this turned out not to be the case and as soon as Melee got a couple clear the floodgates opened and goals came freely as the opposition heads went down and their enthusiasm drained.

A lovely finish to the season saw all outfield players get on the scoresheet:
Spike 2, Jack 1, Kev 4, Dave 3 and Chris P 2
This adds up to 12 as no one can remember the other goal!

So the real test starts next week when the team moves up to the Prem. With team absences over the next few weeks it is going to be a real test to see if Melee can continue this 13 match winning streak. But for right now it is chance for Melee to be crowned double Champions.

Well done everyone in the squad for a unbelieveable season

The Glory Days are Back.............

Wednesday the fourteenth of September two thousand and eleven was a glorious late summers evening. The majority of the footballing world was focused on the return of the champions league, however few could have failed to notice the statement of intent melee sent out to their rivals and indeed the world.


This weeks game saw Melee tackle their closed rival in the league in the form of On Her Majesty’s Cervix. A win for melee would secure the title with a game to go, and loss would take the league to its final week.

The match started in Melee's usual style, as they arrogantly knocked the ball about, sizing up their opponents. Melee’s early pressing effectively killed their opponents attacking endeavors. Sensing blood, melee pounced, sweeping the ball from one side of the pitch to the other, resulting in a neat one-two on the edge of the box releasing Kev through for a neat finish passed the keeper.

Alex Ferguson would later say that evening “It was a fantastic finish by the young lad”, huge praise indeed for the Melee talisman.

From this moment on the flood gates opened, and melee made it 4.0 by half time, with Kev completing his hat trick and Dave powering home from close range.

After this the heavens opened, it stated raining goals!! Not to be out down by this striking partner Dave hit a brace of goals with one a particularly stunning move involving an inspired one-two with Chris P.

Roberto Mancini would later say “Those two have a great understanding of each other and the game”.

Melee were all over their opponents like a fat kid eating cake and by this time were not only playing against the opponents, they were also playing against the referee. This led to the melee boys pushing on for more, unfortunately, they were caught! (Caught by a throw in that the ref got wrong). A three on one brake was too much even for the heroics of Fabio. Although this did little for the score, (10-1 at this stage). it did bring an end to the longest period without conceding a goal in melee 5-aside history of 58 minutes.

The game ended 12-2 with every outfield player finding their way onto the scoresheet. The result secured back-to-back promotions and Melee now find themselves in the (London Westminster) Premier League.

The win also extends Melee’s winning run to 12 games which spans back to the 29th of June. Pitch-invasion has now labeled Melee’s form with a Treat level of 10/10 which is the highest praise the website will give.

The win has also prompted the melee fan base to swell as a promise of a fan to cheer on the team when they lift the title next week. Melee hasn’t seen this type of fan base since the North London Powerleague tournament last May, in which 3 Fans made the journey. Our treasured fans though know how to keep their teams feet on the ground as on that occasion they let half way through to go shoe shopping. One fan was quoted as saying “the pitches smelled too much so we thought we’d nip to the shops”.

In melee we trust.

Goal Scorers 14.09.11

Kev 5
Dave 5
Chris P 1
Nick 1

Records:

Personal
Longest period without conceding a goal in 5-aside – Fabio – 58 mins
Most balls kicked over the fence in one game – Small guy for OHMC – 3 times

Team
Longest winning streak – 12 games

One touch little triangles

The fifth game of the Championship season was critical as Melee took on joint second in the league in what can only be described as a 6 pointer. The opposition this week The Punishers were promoted along with Melee last season and again were despatched for the second consecutive season after previously losing 6-1 and 9-0 last night.

In what is pretty unheard of in this league Melee managed to keep a clean sheet with Fabio picking a rare bonus (he didn’t have too much to do through out the 36 minutes apart from a few smart saves and some great distribution). In a fairly tight start the game stayed 0-0 for a long period of time but the signs started to appear as Melee hit the post twice and had shots saved by their keeper. It took a beautifully worked goal for Pils to finish off before an even more cheeky finish from a free kick with his left while Kev was standing over the ball. A hilarious own goal gifted Melee a 3-0 well deserved half time lead.

The second half was all about team play. One touch passing, little triangles, high pressing and a superior understand of the game tormented the opposition. A superbly worked goal from the kick-off saw all Melee members get involved and finished by another own goal. After that Jack began to run riot finishing off 4 goals all passing moves from which the rest of the team played their part including Pils completing his hat-trick. Any chance the opposition had was sniffed out by Foz at the back including some superb last ditch tackles. (We won't mention the two awful shots, one of which went on to the tracks and nearly hit a passing train!)

The game got a bit heated at the end but who could the blame the portuguese punishers, as they were completed outclassed, given a footballing education and left completed demoralised at the final whistle.

A win next week against the team now chasing in second will secure the title with a week to spare. You can just taste that victory beer around the corner.

Goals
Jack 4
Pils 3
O.g. 2

Unbeaten Run Continues

Melee extended their unbeatean run to 10 games to leave them firmly routed at the top of the Championship division:


Beating Red Square Belgrade 6-3 was one of the harder games over recent weeks. A great team effort was backed up with at times some beautiful triangular passing play. It could have easily been more but for some easy chances going astray. A rewarding, yet physical game that was played in good spirit by both teams. With only 3 games left in the league Melee look in a great spot to take back to back championships.

Goals
Dave 3
Chris O 1
Chris P 1
Kev 1
Fabio -3!

Sunday's Team Photo

EBOG 6-a-side tournament, Sunday 28th August, High Barnet

In the first tournament of 2011 Melee took to the field sporting their new decentinary kit (10-year), reverting back to the original blue strip worn on the first ever game. With a decent squad of 8 for the 6-a-side grass tourney including two Melee debutants, hopes were high of a good days play.

Drawn in a group of 3, the opposition looked professional in their 11-a-side Saturday league kits which could have put the Melee boys off. However the pre warm up antics of one team left Chris Pils disillusioned ‘I forgot these kind of people exist’. The format was to play each team twice, 10min matches. Melee watched the first game and anticipated a difficult match against the opposition when it was their turn to play. However when Melee eventually did run onto the field things started to fall nicely into place, the team passed the ball fluidly and confidence was starting to build. Melee smashed the first game 5-1, roll on.

The rest of the games in the group followed with Melee taking on one of the home EBOG teams (twats) beating them twice, one time convincingly. Melee topped the group, played 4 won 4:

Melee 5-1 Team in Red/Black
Melee 1-0 EBOG A
Melee 3-0 Team in Red/Black
Melee 3-0 EBOG A

After the lunch time break Melee were drawn into the Cup competition into another group of three with top two teams going through to the semi-final. The lunch break didn’t seem to be a problem and Melee stormed to another 5-1 thrashing, passing the ball into the net, finishing off the second EBOG team. Confidence seemed to be high at this stage but legs seemed to be starting to tire and Melee lost their first game of the day to a well organised (much younger) team. After the first round Melee realised they needed only 1 point from the remaining two games to qualify for the semi’s but that one point ended up being one point too many as Melee lost 2-1 to the EBOG team after taking a 1 goal lead and looking in control. Melee lost composure along with their legs in the final game to be beaten by the yellow kitted side and unfortunately leave the competition yet still with heads held high.

Melee 5-1 EBOG
Melee 0-2 Team in Yellow
Melee 1-2 EBOG
Melee 0-2 Team in Yellow

Overall Melee played some sublime footy at times, a real team effort but unfortunately it just wasn’t enough to take home a medal. Everyone enjoyed what was a fun day.

Player of tournament has to go to the super keeper Fabio who kept Melee in many of the games, making some wonderful saves and providing confidence to the back two. Goal difference of positive 10 proves how valuable he was. Special mention goes to Dave for his 5 goals and ridiculous two footed sliding challenge on the opposition keeper (although I think we all agreed the keeper deserved it).

Squad
Fabio, Jonny Jonny, Sho Nair, Chris Pils, Dave S, Jack Dell, Jonny Away, Kev

Goals
Justyn 1
Pils 1
Dave 5
Jack 3
Al 1
Kev 5
O.G 2

Team photo to follow

New Season, Same Result

There was a celebratory atmosphere in the air last night after Melee paraded last seasons division 1 winners trophy aloft. That kind of morale boost served well on this average summers night seeing Melee take a 12-6 victory against Becrypt Allstars.

After two weeks of no shows Melee could have potentially been rusty and some early worry signs were there leading to an early goal gifted to the opposition. But heads didn't go down and Melee started to press and pass cleverly to take a demanding advantage into half time leading 4-1.

After the break debutant goal keeper Fabio got lobbed by the opposition goalie in what only can be described as a rare event in 5-a-side. However his general play may have already secured him a place in Melee folklore.

After the traditional taking the foot off the gas the scores stood at 5-4 in a game that could have turned around. Bizarre tactics never seen in 5-a-side of booting the ball up to the big man seemed odd,although Foz had him in his pocket for most of the game. Strong performances from Pils and Dave in the midfield changed the game back into Melees favour forcing the opposition into numerous errors. Quick goals followed with Dave and Kev taking advantage of some poor defending to rack up a tally of 5 goals a piece,leaving the opposition bamboozled and heavily deflated.

Melee now sit top again of the Championship division,with some huge games to come in the following weeks,long may this run continue (now 9 games undefeated).

Goals
Dave 5
Kev 5
Pils 2

Champione Champione, Ole Ole Ole

So we are the champions my friends!!

In only their second season the new Melee won promotion to the Championship division after winning 6 of their 7 games with a positive goal difference of 17.

The last game of the season saw Melee needing only a draw to get promoted, however it was a final win that the team really wanted. The game started quickly and Melee were straight on the scoresheet from another new recruit Dave S scoring with practically his first ever touch for Melee.

Beautiful passing followed and some chances went begging before a flowing move end with Foz playing an outrageous flick off the inside of heal to play in O'Neill to finish clinically. Another lovely O'Neill goal followed before the opposition pulled one back from the keeper running way out of position. Half time 3-1

The team talk at half time made it clear the next goal was key and Melee quickly scored after the break from another one two move classily finished by O'Neill. more goals followed all great team moves with Dave S and Justyn setting them up. O'Neill bagged his hat trick and then his 4th with a simple tap in at the back post from a throw in, before Kev finished it with a majestic clip over the keeper in true Samuel esc style.

Some late goals from the opposition left the final score 8-4 when it could have easily been 10-2. An all round great team performance capped off the season with all the glory to come next week in picking up the league trophy.

Goals
O'Neill 4
Kev 3
Dave S 1

http://www.pitch-invasion.com/players/results-and-fixtures/league-table

Melee 5 – 3 The Reducers

Is this the Championship winning match?!

Another good performance from the Melee boys in the humid weather last night was just what was required to keep up hopes of taking the Division 1 Championship in only the second season. With one game to go only goal difference can now cost Melee the title.

http://www.pitch-invasion.com/players/results-and-fixtures/league-table

With a squad crisis due to absentees and sickness a last minute ringer was pulled in called Spike who works with my mrs, which was good enough for me. Having not seen him play this was a big gamble for the game but proved to be critical as he stole the show with a hat-trick on debut.

The game started well for Melee with numerous shots peppering the goal. It should have been 1 or 2 but for the bar and post denying shots for Pils and Spike. Then against the run of play a breakaway goal and a miscommunication caused the visitors to take an early lead. Melee then raised their game and first half goals from Spike and Kev took a 2-1 advantage into the break.

After half time Melee had a short spell of domination, crisp passing in the midfield between Pils and Selwan lead to goals being set up for Spike and Kev, to take a 4-1 lead. Upon taken the three goal advantage Melee took the foot right of the gas and let the opposition right back into the game. Two goals from the opposition led to some panicking defending and if wasn’t for ‘The Cat’ Josh Featherby in goal the scores would have been even worse after making some great saves to keep us in the lead.

With 1min 30 to go it was getting nerve racking at 4-3 but after a long clearance Spike ran through to slot home a lovely finish which rounded of the game with his debut hat-trick and a win for Melee.

The final scores could have been much more but as they say in footy, ‘it’s the result that counts’. With three points clear and one game to play, only goal difference can stop the new Melee taking home that Championship medal.

Goals
Spike 3
Kev 2

New Player Profile

Melee's newest recruit made the big money signing at the end of last season and has already secured a spot in the first team. Netting 5 goals in 6 games and many more assists from that sweet left foot and Chris' unselfish contributions in the midfield have proved to be crucial. His entry into the team has been the catalyst that has seen Melee win four of the last six games. Hopefully the future will continue to be bright and he will sign that long term contract that is on the table.

Name: Chris Pilsbury

Nickname: Pils

Position: Midfield/Defence

Age: 27

Height: 6"2

Foot: Cultured Left

Other Teams: Cleveland Steamers

Favourite Team: Man United

Seasons: 2

Games: 6

Melee Goals: 5

Skills: Creativity, Positioning, Passing, Technique

The New Melee

Well well well, it has been such a long time since I posted anything on here - 4 years to be exact!

For all of those interested the next generation of the Melee team have gone back to where it all it began and signed up to a Pitch Invasion league in London. Melee are currently sitting 4th in Division 1 - link http://www.pitch-invasion.com/players/results-and-fixtures/league-table

Tonight's game saw the start of a new Melee with a team line up containing some old members - Kev, Justyn and Chris O'Neill and some new Chris Pilsbury and Selwan Al-Amin (player profiles to follow in posts at some point soon). The game was probably the best performance in the Portuguese strip which resulted in a 6-1 demolishon of The Punishers.

The game started very tightly with some quick passing from both sides but Melee broke the deadlock with some little one-two triangles. The opposition hit back with numerous chances but all kept out by the super keeper Justyn on the night. Another goal followed in the first half and Melee took a 2-0 lead into the second half.

in the second half Melee started to bully the opposition with superior strength and guile. More beautiful passing from Chris P, one two's and some lovely finishing made the score jump to 5-0 and Justyn finished it off with a lovely sweeping move with Chris O providing the clinical final pass.

Superb team effort and high work rate especially from Selwan proved to make this the best performance in 10 games. only a late consolation goal was the only negative even though the game ended really heated as the opposition couldn't handle the majestic performance that Melee put on them.

A great start with the new team, with other players to come back in and some new players to start, Melee are definitely heading in the right direction.

Goals (I think) :

Kev 2

O'Neill 2

Pils 1

Justyn 1

A resurrection and an anniversary.

A long time ago, in a small, crowded, public house, sat three young men.

Stapled on the wall next to them was a rather ordinary looking, brown poster.

But this was no ordinary poster.

This poster had been given powers.

Not only that, but this poster spoke.

It was said in the town that everyone saw something different when staring at the poster.

And that if you leaned close enough to hear it, it would quote from the future.

On that day, one of the boys leant in to listen and heard what sounded like a strange conversation

"these milkshakes taste like banana"

"if your gonna be sarcastic about it, you can just f**k off"

"how do they know we're students?"

"1-0"

"if you do that again, I'll cut your face"

"we were predominantly playing football"

"come back in the cage and say that"

Once the poster had finished speaking, the boys looked up and watched as it began to transform. Text started to appear where there was none, and the boys stared as it formed the words "melee de la harpenden".

That was 10 years ago, on August 26 2001.

Melee has been through 3 world cups, 2 european championships, 5 weddings and more girlfriends than you can count.

And apparently, its back. In London.

What are people's thoughts on a 10 year anniversary get together?

Pete 'Montana' Goulding

Earlier this week, I had the opportunity to catch up with one of Melee's all-time greats, Pete Goulding. If you are unaware of the legend that is Pete, he has been topscorer in every full season that he has played for melee, except one. Being one of the first players to be signed by the Harpenden-based club back in 2001, his 6 years of commitment thus far have been filled with goals and medals.

Hows life out in Montana?
Life is going pretty quick over here, tons of stuff to do to get ready for the school that im staffing. I have still managed to find time to play hours of Tiger Woods 07.

How much football are you playing?
Ive played one game of footie, its extremely annoying having to call it soccer. We played with these tiny goals (a bit like chair footie), there was a guy from Jamaica who had some talent and one from Germany but the rest were not amazing.

Do people know what football is over there?
They think you throw a pointy rugby ball at people and wear tons of padding

What are the women like?
Not a huge amount of talent, there are a few lookers but not really ones I would go after. there arent any students here yet though, they all start september 17th so there will probably be an extra 50 ladies on base.

What is your typical Saturday like?
All the days blend in to one at the moment. There is a new brewery about a mile away (which is like have one at the end of your drive in the UK), so ive been sampling their stuff, not that great, give me a 1664 or stella any day.

Where do you see yourself in 2 years time?
Two years time is a tough one, two main options: Either travelling to different bible schools across the globe doing teaching and stuff or being back in England making cash which I would need to do the first one. I might try and combine the two. It depends if Melee are still up and running.

When will you be back in a melee shirt?
Ill wear my shirt tomorrow. Ive been watching the results come in, class work boys, its making me slightly jealous but not quite enough to come back.

29th August Melee vs Welwyn Wanderers

It was a perfect night for football over in WGC. Melee took the field with an air of confidence, nay superiority, with a line up of the Couper brothers, Samuel, Ports and Jus , everyone was raring to go, the question today was not if they would score but how many.

Melee started steadily keeping a lot of possession - but without scoring, until man of the match Alex Couper took over and put a couple of sweet goals in the net. Two of the goals from just in front of the halfway line on the very right of the pitch - just drilling the ball across the goalie into the bottom left. WW got a couple of goals in the first half including a fortunate own goal from Porter and at half time Melee were cruising 6-2.

There were a number of changes at half time with a refereeing substition and Sam coming out of goal to see what damage he could produce. The second half was a shower of goals - with flowing passing up and down the field - WW did not know how to cope. David at the back was playing some sweet through balls which Sam and Alex dispatched with aplomb, Ports and David grabbing 4 and 5 goals with Melee walking most goals in as the WW fitness was telling.

Sam bagged 4 goals - all finished very well, but the real story of the night was the fact that everyone lost count of the goals Alex scored - from distance or close up he was burying the opposition. The referee said the final score was 16-5 but he had a shocker and lost count of goals, and a count up after the game by this reporter said that melee scored probably just over 20.

Man of the Match: Without a shadow of a doubt Alex Couper - getting 8 or 10 goals and bossing the game - in potentially his penultimate game of the season, showed true class and has led many to ask "what happened while he was in Iceland?"

Shocker of the Match: Justyns new no-swearing in football games is going great - he did not utter a swear word in the 30 minutes, however he did manage to nearly get into a fight in a match that would have been more violent against an armish team. This man could start a fight in solitary confignment....

Melee v Lazy Boys 15th August

Melee extended their current winning streak to 4 games last night with an encouraging victory over 4th placed Lazy Boys.

Melee were forced to make last minute changes to a team ravaged by unavailabilty.

Samuel, voted the Fudge Player of the Season last year, joined a long list of players who were unable to attend last nights fierce encounter in Welwyn Garden City.
Justyn, who was thought to still be out with an injury, was brought along to bolster up a squad still realing from the loss of Tafey who moved to Harpenden Town in the close season.

Due to Wilko's late arrival, Melee started with the unfamiliar lineup of Porter in goal. It is unclear to this reporter which team scored first, but it was soon 1-1. Some brilliant indiviudal skill from the younger Couper brother, set up his sibling for a pile driver into the top corner. Upon Wilko's replacement of Porter in goal, Andy set up two quickfire goals for Alex, followed by one for himself.

The half time score of 5-1 looked to leave melee well in control of the game. Kev and Drewin's sister/girlfriend/cousin/friend looked like they were enjoying the game, despite the wet conditions.

Lazy boys began the second half with 2 quick goals, and melee looked shaky. Some aggressive play by Justyn's opposite number (aka 'Rubbish') led to a squareing up between the two. The referee controlled the confrontation well, despite being huddled by a flock of lazy boys.

Another lazy boy goal went in, this time an own goal by singlehurst, and it was 5-3. From the kick off Porter took the slump into his own hands, dribbling past 2 before slotting the ball calmly into the bottom right hand corner.

Minutes later and he was back at it again, this time a curling beauty into the apex.

Daudi was controlling things from the back, and melee began to gain defensive composure for the first time since the break. However, one mix up between Drewin and Couper led to a 3 on 2 situation which lazy boys capitalised upon.

Justyn and 'Rubbish' were at it again, this time Rubbish landed an elbow onto Justyn's forehead. He was quickly subbed off before the referee had an opportunity to open his eyes to see what was going on.

After some hard work in the corner, the lazy boy keeper spilled a shot from Alex. From the resulting follow-up, the keeper grabbed both of Couper's legs forcing a penalty. The keeper claimed that Alex had gone in hard, but from where this reporter was watching, it seemed fair. After a few too many dummies, Couper hit the penalty straight at the keeper.

Lazy boys got another one back through a genius henry-style back heel from a free kick.

With seconds left on the clock, and both sides looking tired, melee won a free kick after Alex was kicked to the floor in the corner. The 'keeper then threw the ball at Couper, and while there was a gentlemen's handshake being offered by Couper to the keeper, Melee took a quick free-kick to seal a 10-7 victory and take them to the top of the table after 6 games.

They face a trip to second from bottom Real Ale Madrid next week with Samuel back but 2 more confirmed absentees in the form of the Couper brothers.

Man of the Match: Has to go to Andy Porter, for his 6 goals, many of which came at crucial points in the game.

Moment of the Match: The last goal, where justice was served by the keeper not having a hope of saving the free-kick, after he should have been sent off.

Melee vs Otodynamics - Wednesday 9th August

Melee have done the unexpected and already claimed top spot in the 5-a-side league with a convincing win over otodynamics.
The new look team consisting of Frenchy, The Couper brothers, Sam and an import from the Italian Conference were in confident mood and from the beginning of the match dominated possesion. The first goal went against the run of play, a tidy finish from one of the smaller otadynamic players - weighing in at a mere 15 stone.

This shock the team into a drastic response, and the Italian genius scored 2 blase goals to give Melee a lead that they would not give up again. with some solid defending and good play the half time score of 5-1 left otodynamics in total disarray. A certain swagger returned to the team with the arrival of Alex Couper - but it was a well deserved swagger as Alex put in a man of the match performance. After having a few early tussles with one of the opposition defenders, a talking to from the referee and a brief spell on the floor (after being pushed down), Alex performed as an untouchable - hassling players all over the park and he also scored a brace!
The second half was much the same as the first - with David and the Italian guy both scoring their hatricks in style. The Italian guy beat 2 players and calmly chipped a diving goalie. After two driven goals David completed his hatrick with a half volley under the goal keeper.
The team worked well - with Frenchy doing a lot of the engine work and being persistant in breaking up attacks and passing killer balls through the opposition.

Final Score: 9-3

Man of the Match: Alex Couper

moment of the match: There were actually 2, the first being the half time talk of the opposition that included comments like "How are we being beaten, we normally beat everyone in this league" and "We cannot get away from them - we have no time on the ball". Sometimes the best complements come from the opposition.
The second was Italian guys chip over the goalie - class.

Melee vs Welwyn - July 25th

Melee started the game with 2 games deficet having not even taken the field in this league yet. Rumour has it that this is due to some confusion of Peter Gouldings emminent transfer from Melee to the Montana Munchies and 3rd party registration.

It was an emotional occasion as Goulding would be playing his last match with Melee for a while.
The opposition was Welwyn Wanderers - just above Melee in the table. As they took to the field the opposition with their lanky striker looked like they might give melee a stern test.
However this myth was dispelled within about 5 minutes as Melee went 5 goals up without response. A cracker from Couper from within his own half, followed by a plethera of goals from Goulding, Tafe and Justyn. Once Melee felt like they were comfortable their marking got slack and Welwyn punished them with a few goals being pulled back. However some nice flowing football that stripped through the opposition and left Melee with an 8-5 advantage at half time redeemed any niggling doubts.
The second half saw Melee go up a gear - with even the goalie - sam coming out and waltzing through a couple of players and then blasting a left footed shot past the goalie.

I feel like I would be doing sports journalists everywhere a discredit if I did not bring the poor refereeing to light. He could not add up the goals scored (he claimed Melee had but 14 goals when TV replays showed at least 16) and his inconsistancy meant both teams were left bewildered by his decisions!

At the end of the night though, Goulding had scored 6 goals and Tafe had been enjoying punishing some rookie defending for the now distraught Welwyn side, and even Justyn was getting heavily involved with a lot of great defending and a hat trick to boot.

Because of other results Melee are now only 3 points behind the leaders despite a 2 game disadvantage. Can Melee come back and win the league?
Stay tuned folks.

Gossip Column

According to the Montana Tribune, Peter has alterior motives for moving back to the US - and it is not to further his football carrier - could a japanese/dutch/canadian young lady be the reason - Peter refused to comment.

After Justyn's hat trick performance yesterday night it has been confirmed, Hell has frozen over.

David's knee injury was not as serious as first thought although he will not be in any training sessions for this week.

Andrew Porter is silently relieved that Goulding is moving otherwise he would have been on the bench for who knows how long. Andrew said "there is no animosity - it is just nice not to have the competition for my place"

Match report 4th July 2007

Melee vs The Hurracaines

The third big game in a row for Melee and on this dreary day the team actually turned up on time. Melee were determined to start strong and apart from an early shot by Hurracaine's striker, got off to a flying start. Mixing up the short and long passes they were tearing through their opponents defence. Midfielders Tafe and Goulding were linking well with Samuel and opened up a few chances. The first oppotunity was finished calmly by Tafe and second and third goals were pounched on by Goulding and Couper. The golden boot was looking further out of reach for Samuel, but with the holes in the Hurracaines defense getting larger any number of goals could be scored.
The second half started off in similar fashion with Melee domination and Hurracaines heads going down. Slick one touch passes and great man marking meant that Melee's opposition hardly had the ball. A gorgeous through ball from Webb, who had joined the strike force for the second half, was taken and finished by Goulding for a four goal lead.
Dramatic events marred the second half when Webb, who was recovering from a knee injury, went down and stayed down. Fans looked appauled as Hurry's kept on playing with the injured player still on the pitch. Webb was stretchered off and Melee brought on USA keeper Stacey Ropp. The squad was rearranged again as Samuel came out of goal to go back up front. Soon after, the striker stroked a shot pass keeper to put the golden boot back into contantion.
One of the goals of the season was the highlight of the second half. A ball drifted out to centre-back Couper who let loose with a screaming drive. The ball swerved out of reach of Hurry's keeper into the top left corner of the goal. The stadium fell silent in disbelief of what had just happened until the replay was shown of the big screen.
6 - 1 was the final score in the match, with Hurricaines scoring a nothing goal.
Special thanks was given to Ropp by the Melee manager for his contribution to the game. The sub keeper made two fine saves in the later stages of the game.
Man of the Match: David Couper

Team Line Ups:
Melee
Webb, Couper, Singlehurst, Tafe, Goulding, Samuel. Sub Ropp (19)
Goals: Couper 2, Goulding 2, Tafe 1, Samuel 1
The Hurricaines
Don't know, wouldn't have made a difference if they were five year old kids


Speculation:

• With Melee's title win secured the club are abandoning their last match against School Girls Rock. The 3 points and 3 goals that School girls will recieve from the non-game could keep them in the Premiership. The relegation battle is estimated to be worth about ₤23 million with TV sponsorship
• Kevin Webb will be out due to the knee injury picked up against The Hurricaines. Team physios have been working on the knee but have said surgery may be the only option.
• Players player of the season will be voted on this week
• Lead goal scorer Peter Goulding is reported to have signed a contract with an MLS team. It is rumoured that the player will see out his career and retire in the states in a move to boost the MLS standard and profile.
  
• Justyn Singlehurst was wowed by Couper's wonder goal on Wednesday and was heard suggeesting that the defender should be playing up front next season
• In a tribute to Melee, the official sponsors of the Premiership, pitch-invasion.com, have named the title trphy, "The Melee Cup"
  

Golden boot award
Goulding 10
Samuel 8
Tafe 3
Porter 3
Couper 2
Webb 1
Singlehurst 0