'If You Don't Know Me By Now' by David Brent

Goals

missed Match of the day? This web-site has every goal from every game in the premiership. It also has most goals from every other league in europe, and some goals from brasil, argentina.

Bye bye telly, hello internet

Loose Change 2nd Edition Recut

All I want you to do is watch the first 10 minutes. The total play time is over an hour. Just watch the first 10 and tell me what you think...

Ronaldinho fantastico overhead/bicyle kick v Villarreal

Snow, snow, snow

So over here its been snowin for the last couple days,
lots of people slidin their cars off the road into snow drifts,
really really want to get me one of these snow-mobiles that people have here,
although heard that they are a bit of a death trap,


speakin of which, what is the deal with kings guys, c'mon.

I got that latest edition of 'Inside Hemel A+E', also known as the king's match report,
Surely something has got to be done bout it.
Has anyone spoken to any other teams about whether they experience the same amount of injuries?

Anyway, back for the wedding next week, lukes gonna be up. You around Foz? Fancy like makin a trip up? Me and Hanna are plannin on doin Christmas shoppin in London on Friday, so whoever wants to come is more than welcome. Kevo's in.

BORED!

Time to reminisce

Check this website out, and enjoy the sounds:

Mario

New Jane!

After successfully navigating the month trail period, a new Jane has been initiated with the traditional paperclips. Kiristie (the posh spelling) pictured later has become the latest melee skirt! However bazaarly this doesn't effect the marridge odds;

fav Alex
2nd Pete
3rd Tom
4th Kev
5th Nick


Rumour has it though that kev will be turning the heat up on Alex's place! Watch this space.

Nap Dine

Napoleon Dynamite Dance Scene

Probably the best scene in cinema history

Icelandic Pics

No prizes for guessing the sex of the whale!

Some Norway Pics

Check out this quality vid as well!!!!

Sam in Iceland

Alright everyone?
Al insisted that i posted something on the blog,so i'll briefly tell how my firt two days in Iceland have been!
I have to say that i fell in love with this country!Everything is so quite and the nature is just amazing that i wish i could stay here for good,no matter how cold it is!Oh yea,the hot showers are excelent too!!
My tour of the country started just as we came out of the airport on tuesday afternoon.Hanna's dad took Al and me for a drive to some interesting places like right where the European and the North American continental plates meet and to some extinct volcano.Like Al said,the landsape in this region reminds of Mars,but with a bit of grass.Later on that evening Al and me went to play some football with some guys from church.It was rainy and cold but it was good to play a bit of footy!
Next day Hanna took us to have some lunch in this tinny old restaurant by the sea.The lobster soap was great!Then in the evening the three of us went to the blue lagoon!That place is just amazing!It's like an outdoor jacuzzi but natural!!
During the day Al is working (or pretending to) and Hanna is at school or at work,so we do our little trips in the evenings,as for me,im either sleeping or chilling watching some curb your enthusiasm or family guy!
On friday we're off to a road trip to the glacier fot the weekend,it should be awesome!!
Have a nice one!
Samuca.

My lil update

Greetings from iceland. Its been a very quick week over here, settled in quite well. What better way to get started than to get naked with jane's dad before taking a dip in a hot-spring/stream.
Clearly, livin the jonny-less life isn't easy, but got some poker organised, and i'm successfully avoiding the 7 pound a beer prices at the bars. (Albeit after having got suckered in once).
This weekend goin to some jazz concert, and saturday heading out to Hanna's summer house for the weekend, should be good.

By the way gents, there is a quality film coming out (its in the iceland film festival). Its like a really arty film made about zidane. 17 cameras followed him durin a la liga game last season, and they've compiled this quality film showin his expressions and stuff. I know it sounds like player-cam but its not.

Is the end approaching once again?

Due to my recent injury I have withdrawn Melee from the Welwyn league at the end of the season. If anyone would like to take control of the team and keep it going it is possible for Melee to continue playing up until Christmas.

Lets put in a huge effort to win the last few games of the season and end on a positive note by taking the Premiership title.

Sorry lads, but sometimes it just isnt meant to be.

Table - Premier Division - 3 Games Left

We are top of the league, I say we are top of the league!!!

Only 1 Point Behind!!

Great result last night lads, I was well proud of you all. This is how the league table is looking. It's another big game next week as well, because we take on Inn on the Green FC, who are just behind us and are pretty decent. So we need another good performance to really push Cox to the end. They are playing bottom this week so should get 3 points. The other weeks should be a bit harder for them (hopefully). Well done last night, great all round team performance.

Jonnys at Brasil v Argentina

Hey everyone!

Here are some pictures from the match!!hope you all like them!!

Samuca.

fantasy ball

how crap are al and foz?

Larry David - Genius

If your not a big curb your enthusiasm fan, you may not find this funny. But I don't really care.
Have a watch anyway
Larry David

Melee vs AFC Manish

Big game this week lads. Playing second in the league and a win is essential to keep up with the pace. New signing Jonny Scottish has been drawn in, and expectation surrounding him is high. Will Jonny Fudge be fit!????

Champions League Draw

Champions League draw for the group stages takes place this afternoon at 5pm. Check this out as a possible sticky group for Chelsea:

Barcelona
Chelsea
Sporting Lisbon
Galatasaray

If your interested, all the seeding information can be found here:
Seedings

2 new gems

Ricky Gervais has brought out two new episodes as the office's star David Brent, where he plays a mangement consultant. I have to confess, i haven't actually watched these yet (cos i'm at work), but i'm reliably informed that they are hilarious.

These guys know what i'm talking about:





Got 37 minutes free? watch it.

Part II (20 Mins) Part II (17 mins)

Sussex Cup - Last Sunday

Last Sunday Melee took the field in the Sussex Cup 5-a-side tournament , held in Brighton.

After nearly missing the first game, due to the fact we got lost it was apparent that things may start off with a poor result. Indeed they did, Melee losing 2-1, however slightly unlucky with the result. After a half hour break the second game of the group stage saw us come from 1-0 down to win 2-1, with goals from picnic and crouchinho. The turning point had began. Another hard worked 2-1 victory in the third game, goals from fudge and picnic saw us take up first place in the league. The fourth game saw Melee turn up and destroy their opponents 6-0 with some great passing moves. Superb goals, from fudge, jonny, crouchinho and picnic (3) left Melee still at the top with one league game to go. With a point required from the last game to top the group and automatic qualification already achieved, Melee failed to play the same footy they been previously in the tournament and lost 2-0. With other results not going their way, left Melee going through in second place.

With this fact a draw against a top half team saw us take on Jackson 6 in the second round. A hardworking performance saw us take the lead with an excellent individual goal from sam. Unfortunaetly we could only hold the lead for less than a minute. Half time saw the score 1-1. Second half Melee began to tire, with some superb saves from fickle keeping them in the game. However Jackson 6 hit us on the counter attack, broke through and slotted the ball home to take the lead with 3mins to go. Late chances saw picnic have shots saved, hit the post and had the keeping cheating by sliding in, however it was not to be and Melee had to go home after a 2-1 loss.

Great performances from everyone who played on Sunday. I was very proud of everyone and we gave it 100% effort. Thanks goes out to the famliy in the volkswagen for the smarties.

Surely not

The people who brought you stick cricket have released stick soccer.

http://www.sticksportssoccer.com/

Fit Kits

At least we looked good lads. As Take That once said 'things can only get better'.

Bath

Melee took a trip to bath. Well, I say melee, it was supposed to be, but then picnic jonny felt tired/wanted to play poker, fudge jonny had a 'sleep-over' at a friend's house (heard that one before), and jonny lost-at-poker was badly influenced by his jane and decided not to come.
Replacements were, Mexciano Al and Jane.

Canny trip still despite the drop-outs. Windsor, Bath and Oxford all visited and conquered.

Tax man

Possibly the best letter ever to come out of the Inland Revenue....Taken from the Guardian, an actual letter sent by the Inland Revenue:

Dear Mr Addison,

I am writing to you to express our thanks for your more than prompt reply to our latest communication, and also to answer some of the points you raise. I will address them, as ever, in order.

Firstly, I must take issue with your description of our last as a "begging letter". It might perhaps more properly be referred to as a "tax demand". This is how we at the Inland Revenue have always, for reasons of accuracy, traditionally referred to such documents.

Secondly, your frustration at our adding to the "endless stream of crapulent whining and panhandling vomited daily through the letterbox on to the doormat" has been noted. However, whilst I have naturally not seen the other letters to which you refer I would cautiously suggest that their being from "pauper councils, Lombardy pirate banking houses and pissant gas-mongerers" might indicate that your decision to "file them next to the toilet in case of emergencies" is at best a little ill-advised. In common with my own organisation, it is unlikely that the senders of these letters do see you as a "lackwit bumpkin" or, come to that, a "sodding charity". More likely they see you as a citizen of Great Britain, with a responsibility to contribute to the upkeep of the nation as a whole.

Which brings me to my next point. Whilst there may be some spirit of truth in your assertion that the taxes you pay "go to shore up the canker-blighted, toppling folly that is the Public Services", a moment's rudimentary calculation ought to disabuse you of the notion that the government in any way expects you to "stump up for the whole damned party" yourself. The estimates you provide for the Chancellor's disbursement of the funds levied by taxation, whilst colourful, are, in fairness, a little off the mark. Less than you seem to imagine is spent on "junkets for Bunterish lickspittles" and "dancing whores" whilst far more than you have accounted for is allocated to, for example, "that box-ticking facade of a university system."

A couple of technical points arising from direct queries:
1. The reason we don't simply write "Muggins" on the envelope has to do with the vagaries of the postal system;
2. You can rest assured that "sucking the very marrows of those with nothing else to give" has never been considered as a practice because even if the Personal Allowance didn't render it irrelevant, the sheer medical logistics involved would make it financially unviable.

I trust this has helped. In the meantime, whilst I would not in any way wish to influence your decision one way or the other, I ought to point out that even if you did choose to "give the whole foul jamboree up and go and live in India" you would still owe us the money. Please send it to us by Friday.

Yours sincerely,
H J Lee
Customer Relations

Collina eat yer 'art out

If we get this ref, I would absolutely love it

video

A New Season Is Upon Us

Right lads, its one week to go til the new Melee season begins. We are now playing on Weds nights in Welwyn (Gosling Sports Centre). We have been placed in the Premiership division so far, but I may try and get us relegated before next week!

The new website for Pitch Invasion Leagues is here. You can also check out information bout the Brighton Cup competition that we are playing in on the 13th August.

I have a registration sheet for all players, so if you wanna register i need your DOB and address. Obviously thats only really needed for jonny abroad/green as they wont be around to play next week.

Kit also needs to be purchased for the new season ahead. Im thinking a trip into Luton on Saturday for a new kit should be on the cards.

The squad (in no particular order): Jonny, Jonny Jonny, Crouchinho, Playboy, Abroad, Green, Fudge, Picnic, Jimmy, Samba, Married - any others are as always welcome to join the squad.

If we get 6 to play each week it costs a fiver each. Bring on the new season!!!

Fantasy Football

There's a fantasy football league been set up for the new season. Its quite a good one, as you have to have some weak players in your squad.
Go to:
Fantasy Footy

and then, having made your team and everything, use the following code to join the league, which I believe has been called JobHunters or something.

Just looked in my e-mail, looks like i've deleted the one with the code on it. Webbo, could u wack it up on the blog for us?

Revamp

Its a new season, look around. United, Liverpool, Chelsea, Arsenal, Real Madrid...the list is endless. You name the top side and its pretty much guaranteed that they've got a new look out this season.

melee included

Copa do Brasil

Its the copa do brasil final tonight. Vasco are playing against Flamengo and are 2-0 down from the first leg. Apparently its on Record TV. I'm gonna be watching it at mine, so feel free to pop in to watch. I think kick off is at 2.30am. See you at the maracana

fantasy football

Hey, did we say we were all gonna chuck in a score for the winner of the fantasy football compo?

5-a-side

You boys interested in a bit of an all day 5-a-side tournament?

OXFORDSHIRE KNOCKOUT CUP - SUN 30th JULY

Due to massive demand, we are proud to announce our forthcoming Knockout Cup competitions.These will run regularly throughout the year at different venues, and are open to all teams of all abilities.
• 4 or 5 long group games
• 45-60 minutes of play minimum guaranteed
• Champions league style cup extravaganza
• Huge winner and runner-up prizes
• Pit your wits against teams from all over the UK, plus challengers from outside Pitch Invasion.
• Some events even offer cash prizes!
Have you always fancied your chances against the big-boys and inflicting an upset? Here’s your chance, anything can happen so enter your team now.

Nike Football Spoof

Bloody Students. Got nothin to do but make absolutely canny videos. Check this out...

Man Met Students Vid

world cup blues

i'm not gonna be back by June.....
at least I'm not the only one whose gonna miss the World Cup

oh and by the way
BIG UP DAUDI!
WOOO!

jonny green

Hit me baby one more time

This is (probably) the last post on melee before me, kev and nick head off to Brazil. Bringing to an end what was a great year (or 8 months or whatever). I can probably some it up in 4 things: Melee, Kings, Poker, Hot-tub
By the next time melee play, daudi will be a dad!! That's pretty scary. Maybe his playing days are behind him.
Anyways jonnys, just thought that i'd say on behalf of all the jonnys, thanks.
Its all about some hot tub action tonight.

Waterfalls/Amazon

Its GOTTA be on the cards!! Lets Do It!!

the melee franchise goes arab

spot mahommed 'daudi' rantisi on the far left

A bear, a lion and a chicken meet.

Bear says: "if I roar in the forest, the entire forest
is trembling with fear."

Lion says: "if I roar in the jungle, the entire jungle
is afraid of me."

Says the chicken: "big deal I only have to cough, and
the entire Planet craps itself."

he ain't heavy....

...he's my brother

Klinsman has only got one Ballack

stop whinging just cause brown and richardson didnt play! they arnt gonna make the squad anyway!

here is some much better entertainment for the world cup build-up. gotta love michael owens foot in plaster

class website as well

England friendly....

Alright guys! Long time since the last post.

I am absolutely bamboozled as to sven's selection in the england uruguay friendly. Someone must have an answer for me.

Alright, so the world cup is a few months away, and i'm pretty sure that if that wasn't the last friendly before the squad is announced, there can only be at most 1 more (someone's definately gonna prove me wrong).
Sven says that he knows all but maybe three places in the squad. Fair enough. So in this squad there were, presumably, players 'fighting' for a place. Out of the squad he selected, presumably these players are Young, Brown, Richardson, Carrick and Bent.
Why on earth, pray tell, did he leave 3 of these 5 on the bench? surely the most pointless friendly since people made friends.

stupidist thing i have ever done

when i get home remind me to tell you about the time i got mistaken for a sniper when i was taking a picture of the president of politically unstable country
from my balcony

and spent the evening with secret service in the central intelligence bureau

no shit

jonny

Will Saturday Ever Come!

BBC have been looking back at the players of the 96 FA cup final, and trace where they are today. I've doctored it a little most were quite dull but there are a couple of jems:

But the 1996 FA Cup final will always be remembered for the remarkable white suits worn by the Liverpool players. Predictably being called the Spice Boys in line with the hysteria surrounding the future Mrs Beckham and company at the same time, they set out to impress off the field as well as on it. But their efforts did not have the desired effect as Liverpool were unable to replicate their success four years earlier, falling 1-0 to an Eric Cantona after 85 minutes.

Here BBC Sport traces those who wore white on that day back in 1996 and those who lifted the trophy.

Phil Neville Played in the same Lancashire Schools cricket team as Andrew Flintoff but was a club stalwart at the other Old Trafford before being sold to Everton in the summer.

David May After joining from Blackburn Rovers in 1994, he suffered the double disappointment of finding it hard to displace Steve Bruce and Gary Pallister in the centre of defence while his former team-mates at Ewood Park won the Premiership. May eventually left Old Trafford for Burnley in 2003 and ended up playing in the North West Counties League for Bacup Borough.

Eric Cantona Still idolised at Old Trafford, Cantona joined United for £1.2m from Leeds in November 1992. The mercurial and controversial figure surprisingly retired a year after the final and has since been involved in beach football, a bit of acting and a voiceover for Asterix cartoons.

John Barnes Barnes, who played 79 times for England, was made the highest-paid player in the country soon after joining the Reds in 1987, rumoured to be on £9,000 a week. Despite capturing winners medals in 1989 and 1992, perhaps his most memorable FA Cup achievement will be his starring role on the number three smash the Anfield Rap. Retired in 1999 and is now a presenter on Channel Five.

David James His idea for the white suits was as wise as his decision to come for the corner that led to Cantona's winner. James carved out a successful career despite being maligned for errors. Has lost his England place to Spurs' Paul Robinson despite some solid displays for Manchester City.

Dubai

Check this out. I know its all in german, but just look at the pics. The group of islands are located 4km off shore or somethin like that.

Quallo islands

Footy Anger

Some quality anger in this vid!

Well mannered children

100th Post

Thought i'd just steal the 100th post with nothing to say

History repeats itself...

RED-FACED IN THE CUP
Martin, With the forthcoming FA Cup tie between Liverpool v Man Utd on the horizon I was wondering when was the last time Liverpool beat Man Utd in the FA Cup. I am a Utd fan, and have to admit I cannot remember it happening, no doubt it has and I am sure you will be able to set me straight. Regards, Nick..

Martin says: I am not surprised you can't remember it happening Nick because Liverpool haven't beaten Manchester United in the FA Cup since January 1921. In fact, in 14 FA Cup matches between the two sides, including replays, Manchester United have won eight, drawn four and Liverpool have only won twice. Apart from the 2-1 replay win on January 21 1921, the only other time Liverpool have triumphed over United in the Cup was in 1891, another 2-1 replay win on February 16. Another win this season, and they could reach one per century. The last time the two teams met in the FA Cup was in the fourth round in 1999 when late goals from Dwight Yorke and Ole Gunnar Solskjaer cancelled out an early Michael Owen strike. Prior to that, you as a United fan will remember Eric Cantona's winner in the last final between the two teams in 1996..

(by the way, next post is the 100th!)

Can I have an 'M' please bob?

Blockbuster Challenge for the jonnys....

Many an afternoon of our youth was spent watching bob whats-his-face in what is surely one of the greatest quiz shows of all time. Alright probably not. Either way, many an afternoon will be taken up in this challenge:

In this version, the first person to get both vertical and horizontal lines wins.

In this version, there are no questions

In this version, bob doesn't exist

In this version, the globe is your 'letter grid'

Rules:
Valid End Points:
Vertical:
>(North):Canada, Greenland, Russia
>(South): Argentina/Chile, South Africa, New Zealand (Thought i'd save us the trip to the south pole)
Horizontal:
This is much harder. In the horizontal challenge, the line of countries visited must meet up!!

Obviously there will be huge dodgyness in terms of crossing oceans, especially on the east west routing. The only way this can be ruled is surely by using Risk as our guide! Therefore, going from south america, can only go to North America or north west africa. You know the score.

Here are a couple of examples of winning routes: