Pete 'Montana' Goulding

Earlier this week, I had the opportunity to catch up with one of Melee's all-time greats, Pete Goulding. If you are unaware of the legend that is Pete, he has been topscorer in every full season that he has played for melee, except one. Being one of the first players to be signed by the Harpenden-based club back in 2001, his 6 years of commitment thus far have been filled with goals and medals.

Hows life out in Montana?
Life is going pretty quick over here, tons of stuff to do to get ready for the school that im staffing. I have still managed to find time to play hours of Tiger Woods 07.

How much football are you playing?
Ive played one game of footie, its extremely annoying having to call it soccer. We played with these tiny goals (a bit like chair footie), there was a guy from Jamaica who had some talent and one from Germany but the rest were not amazing.

Do people know what football is over there?
They think you throw a pointy rugby ball at people and wear tons of padding

What are the women like?
Not a huge amount of talent, there are a few lookers but not really ones I would go after. there arent any students here yet though, they all start september 17th so there will probably be an extra 50 ladies on base.

What is your typical Saturday like?
All the days blend in to one at the moment. There is a new brewery about a mile away (which is like have one at the end of your drive in the UK), so ive been sampling their stuff, not that great, give me a 1664 or stella any day.

Where do you see yourself in 2 years time?
Two years time is a tough one, two main options: Either travelling to different bible schools across the globe doing teaching and stuff or being back in England making cash which I would need to do the first one. I might try and combine the two. It depends if Melee are still up and running.

When will you be back in a melee shirt?
Ill wear my shirt tomorrow. Ive been watching the results come in, class work boys, its making me slightly jealous but not quite enough to come back.

29th August Melee vs Welwyn Wanderers

It was a perfect night for football over in WGC. Melee took the field with an air of confidence, nay superiority, with a line up of the Couper brothers, Samuel, Ports and Jus , everyone was raring to go, the question today was not if they would score but how many.

Melee started steadily keeping a lot of possession - but without scoring, until man of the match Alex Couper took over and put a couple of sweet goals in the net. Two of the goals from just in front of the halfway line on the very right of the pitch - just drilling the ball across the goalie into the bottom left. WW got a couple of goals in the first half including a fortunate own goal from Porter and at half time Melee were cruising 6-2.

There were a number of changes at half time with a refereeing substition and Sam coming out of goal to see what damage he could produce. The second half was a shower of goals - with flowing passing up and down the field - WW did not know how to cope. David at the back was playing some sweet through balls which Sam and Alex dispatched with aplomb, Ports and David grabbing 4 and 5 goals with Melee walking most goals in as the WW fitness was telling.

Sam bagged 4 goals - all finished very well, but the real story of the night was the fact that everyone lost count of the goals Alex scored - from distance or close up he was burying the opposition. The referee said the final score was 16-5 but he had a shocker and lost count of goals, and a count up after the game by this reporter said that melee scored probably just over 20.

Man of the Match: Without a shadow of a doubt Alex Couper - getting 8 or 10 goals and bossing the game - in potentially his penultimate game of the season, showed true class and has led many to ask "what happened while he was in Iceland?"

Shocker of the Match: Justyns new no-swearing in football games is going great - he did not utter a swear word in the 30 minutes, however he did manage to nearly get into a fight in a match that would have been more violent against an armish team. This man could start a fight in solitary confignment....

Melee v Lazy Boys 15th August

Melee extended their current winning streak to 4 games last night with an encouraging victory over 4th placed Lazy Boys.

Melee were forced to make last minute changes to a team ravaged by unavailabilty.

Samuel, voted the Fudge Player of the Season last year, joined a long list of players who were unable to attend last nights fierce encounter in Welwyn Garden City.
Justyn, who was thought to still be out with an injury, was brought along to bolster up a squad still realing from the loss of Tafey who moved to Harpenden Town in the close season.

Due to Wilko's late arrival, Melee started with the unfamiliar lineup of Porter in goal. It is unclear to this reporter which team scored first, but it was soon 1-1. Some brilliant indiviudal skill from the younger Couper brother, set up his sibling for a pile driver into the top corner. Upon Wilko's replacement of Porter in goal, Andy set up two quickfire goals for Alex, followed by one for himself.

The half time score of 5-1 looked to leave melee well in control of the game. Kev and Drewin's sister/girlfriend/cousin/friend looked like they were enjoying the game, despite the wet conditions.

Lazy boys began the second half with 2 quick goals, and melee looked shaky. Some aggressive play by Justyn's opposite number (aka 'Rubbish') led to a squareing up between the two. The referee controlled the confrontation well, despite being huddled by a flock of lazy boys.

Another lazy boy goal went in, this time an own goal by singlehurst, and it was 5-3. From the kick off Porter took the slump into his own hands, dribbling past 2 before slotting the ball calmly into the bottom right hand corner.

Minutes later and he was back at it again, this time a curling beauty into the apex.

Daudi was controlling things from the back, and melee began to gain defensive composure for the first time since the break. However, one mix up between Drewin and Couper led to a 3 on 2 situation which lazy boys capitalised upon.

Justyn and 'Rubbish' were at it again, this time Rubbish landed an elbow onto Justyn's forehead. He was quickly subbed off before the referee had an opportunity to open his eyes to see what was going on.

After some hard work in the corner, the lazy boy keeper spilled a shot from Alex. From the resulting follow-up, the keeper grabbed both of Couper's legs forcing a penalty. The keeper claimed that Alex had gone in hard, but from where this reporter was watching, it seemed fair. After a few too many dummies, Couper hit the penalty straight at the keeper.

Lazy boys got another one back through a genius henry-style back heel from a free kick.

With seconds left on the clock, and both sides looking tired, melee won a free kick after Alex was kicked to the floor in the corner. The 'keeper then threw the ball at Couper, and while there was a gentlemen's handshake being offered by Couper to the keeper, Melee took a quick free-kick to seal a 10-7 victory and take them to the top of the table after 6 games.

They face a trip to second from bottom Real Ale Madrid next week with Samuel back but 2 more confirmed absentees in the form of the Couper brothers.

Man of the Match: Has to go to Andy Porter, for his 6 goals, many of which came at crucial points in the game.

Moment of the Match: The last goal, where justice was served by the keeper not having a hope of saving the free-kick, after he should have been sent off.

Melee vs Otodynamics - Wednesday 9th August

Melee have done the unexpected and already claimed top spot in the 5-a-side league with a convincing win over otodynamics.
The new look team consisting of Frenchy, The Couper brothers, Sam and an import from the Italian Conference were in confident mood and from the beginning of the match dominated possesion. The first goal went against the run of play, a tidy finish from one of the smaller otadynamic players - weighing in at a mere 15 stone.

This shock the team into a drastic response, and the Italian genius scored 2 blase goals to give Melee a lead that they would not give up again. with some solid defending and good play the half time score of 5-1 left otodynamics in total disarray. A certain swagger returned to the team with the arrival of Alex Couper - but it was a well deserved swagger as Alex put in a man of the match performance. After having a few early tussles with one of the opposition defenders, a talking to from the referee and a brief spell on the floor (after being pushed down), Alex performed as an untouchable - hassling players all over the park and he also scored a brace!
The second half was much the same as the first - with David and the Italian guy both scoring their hatricks in style. The Italian guy beat 2 players and calmly chipped a diving goalie. After two driven goals David completed his hatrick with a half volley under the goal keeper.
The team worked well - with Frenchy doing a lot of the engine work and being persistant in breaking up attacks and passing killer balls through the opposition.

Final Score: 9-3

Man of the Match: Alex Couper

moment of the match: There were actually 2, the first being the half time talk of the opposition that included comments like "How are we being beaten, we normally beat everyone in this league" and "We cannot get away from them - we have no time on the ball". Sometimes the best complements come from the opposition.
The second was Italian guys chip over the goalie - class.

Melee vs Welwyn - July 25th

Melee started the game with 2 games deficet having not even taken the field in this league yet. Rumour has it that this is due to some confusion of Peter Gouldings emminent transfer from Melee to the Montana Munchies and 3rd party registration.

It was an emotional occasion as Goulding would be playing his last match with Melee for a while.
The opposition was Welwyn Wanderers - just above Melee in the table. As they took to the field the opposition with their lanky striker looked like they might give melee a stern test.
However this myth was dispelled within about 5 minutes as Melee went 5 goals up without response. A cracker from Couper from within his own half, followed by a plethera of goals from Goulding, Tafe and Justyn. Once Melee felt like they were comfortable their marking got slack and Welwyn punished them with a few goals being pulled back. However some nice flowing football that stripped through the opposition and left Melee with an 8-5 advantage at half time redeemed any niggling doubts.
The second half saw Melee go up a gear - with even the goalie - sam coming out and waltzing through a couple of players and then blasting a left footed shot past the goalie.

I feel like I would be doing sports journalists everywhere a discredit if I did not bring the poor refereeing to light. He could not add up the goals scored (he claimed Melee had but 14 goals when TV replays showed at least 16) and his inconsistancy meant both teams were left bewildered by his decisions!

At the end of the night though, Goulding had scored 6 goals and Tafe had been enjoying punishing some rookie defending for the now distraught Welwyn side, and even Justyn was getting heavily involved with a lot of great defending and a hat trick to boot.

Because of other results Melee are now only 3 points behind the leaders despite a 2 game disadvantage. Can Melee come back and win the league?
Stay tuned folks.

Gossip Column

According to the Montana Tribune, Peter has alterior motives for moving back to the US - and it is not to further his football carrier - could a japanese/dutch/canadian young lady be the reason - Peter refused to comment.

After Justyn's hat trick performance yesterday night it has been confirmed, Hell has frozen over.

David's knee injury was not as serious as first thought although he will not be in any training sessions for this week.

Andrew Porter is silently relieved that Goulding is moving otherwise he would have been on the bench for who knows how long. Andrew said "there is no animosity - it is just nice not to have the competition for my place"

Match report 4th July 2007

Melee vs The Hurracaines

The third big game in a row for Melee and on this dreary day the team actually turned up on time. Melee were determined to start strong and apart from an early shot by Hurracaine's striker, got off to a flying start. Mixing up the short and long passes they were tearing through their opponents defence. Midfielders Tafe and Goulding were linking well with Samuel and opened up a few chances. The first oppotunity was finished calmly by Tafe and second and third goals were pounched on by Goulding and Couper. The golden boot was looking further out of reach for Samuel, but with the holes in the Hurracaines defense getting larger any number of goals could be scored.
The second half started off in similar fashion with Melee domination and Hurracaines heads going down. Slick one touch passes and great man marking meant that Melee's opposition hardly had the ball. A gorgeous through ball from Webb, who had joined the strike force for the second half, was taken and finished by Goulding for a four goal lead.
Dramatic events marred the second half when Webb, who was recovering from a knee injury, went down and stayed down. Fans looked appauled as Hurry's kept on playing with the injured player still on the pitch. Webb was stretchered off and Melee brought on USA keeper Stacey Ropp. The squad was rearranged again as Samuel came out of goal to go back up front. Soon after, the striker stroked a shot pass keeper to put the golden boot back into contantion.
One of the goals of the season was the highlight of the second half. A ball drifted out to centre-back Couper who let loose with a screaming drive. The ball swerved out of reach of Hurry's keeper into the top left corner of the goal. The stadium fell silent in disbelief of what had just happened until the replay was shown of the big screen.
6 - 1 was the final score in the match, with Hurricaines scoring a nothing goal.
Special thanks was given to Ropp by the Melee manager for his contribution to the game. The sub keeper made two fine saves in the later stages of the game.
Man of the Match: David Couper

Team Line Ups:
Melee
Webb, Couper, Singlehurst, Tafe, Goulding, Samuel. Sub Ropp (19)
Goals: Couper 2, Goulding 2, Tafe 1, Samuel 1
The Hurricaines
Don't know, wouldn't have made a difference if they were five year old kids


Speculation:

• With Melee's title win secured the club are abandoning their last match against School Girls Rock. The 3 points and 3 goals that School girls will recieve from the non-game could keep them in the Premiership. The relegation battle is estimated to be worth about ₤23 million with TV sponsorship
• Kevin Webb will be out due to the knee injury picked up against The Hurricaines. Team physios have been working on the knee but have said surgery may be the only option.
• Players player of the season will be voted on this week
• Lead goal scorer Peter Goulding is reported to have signed a contract with an MLS team. It is rumoured that the player will see out his career and retire in the states in a move to boost the MLS standard and profile.
  
• Justyn Singlehurst was wowed by Couper's wonder goal on Wednesday and was heard suggeesting that the defender should be playing up front next season
• In a tribute to Melee, the official sponsors of the Premiership, pitch-invasion.com, have named the title trphy, "The Melee Cup"
  

Golden boot award
Goulding 10
Samuel 8
Tafe 3
Porter 3
Couper 2
Webb 1
Singlehurst 0

Tom Hill Poll

Who does Tom Hill look more like?

Couldnt find a great picture of Tom so youll have to imagine Tom's face when he is not holding a two litre beer.








Option number A
Bruno Berner - Swiss born Blackburn football player










Option number B

Jean Claude van Damme - Belgium born movie star and general player









You can imagine what Tom will vote for, but this is up to you.
Vote away

Look-a-Look

This is one Al will appriciate, Benitez compared will David Brent no surely not!
http://gunnerblog.com/?p=670

Match report 27th June 2007

Melee vs Harlow FC

Another first place vs second place battle saw Melee playing rivals Harlow FC, who had followed them up from the Championship the previous year.
With another early start due to European television rights Melee struggled to field a team and almost had to forfeit the game. Fans breathed a sigh of relief as half the squad turned up just in time to kick off.
Melee looked tense at the start of the game and were not flowing as they have in previous matches. Keeper Kevin Webb was tested with a few negligible shots before Melee found the net. Foreign import Samuel Amorim received the ball on the right side of the box and calmly brushed a left footed shot past Harlow keeper, off the post and into the net. One nil.
The second half saw subs disrupting Melee’s fluidity slightly and Webb was given some harder challenges to deal with. A Harlow striker found himself in plenty of space, directly in front of goal, twice in the space of five minutes. However, the mind games of Webb forced the nervous attacker to place the ball into the arms of the Melee goalie. Harlow drew a freekick out of Melee, which was taken quickly and surprised all, apart from a Harlow forward who slotted the ball into the corner of the goal. At the other end of the pitch Samuel and Goulding were starting to link well. Samuel found himself on the touchline and managed to drive a cross into the box where Goulding headed past the Harlow keeper. The pair connected again for the third goal as Goulding played a ball across the face of goal for a Samuel tap in. Fans looked both shocked and delighted that the Brazilian had finished from three yards out. Harlow did not look too shaken by the three one defeat apart from one player who had taken hits to the face and the nuts during the game. It was speculated after the match that the red stripes of blood running down his shirt were a deliberate sign to the Harlow manager that the player wanted to move to Melee.
Man of the Match: Kevin Webb, for some great saves and a superb volley towards the end of the match

Team line Ups:
Melee
Webb, Singlehurst, Tafe, Porter, Couper, Goulding, Samuel
Goals: Samuel 2, Goulding 1
Harlow FC
Keeper, Little skinny guy, Little skinny guy clone, Fat Bloodie guy, Two randoms
Goals: Fat Bloodie guy

Speculation

• Pharmaceutical company Sigma-Aldridge announced their delight in the success of the drug treatment that allowed Samuel to net a tap in. A spokesman for the company stated “Previous trials on Kieran Richardson and Jermaine Jenas were not successful so we are very happy that this new solution has worked so well”
• Melee are already talking about fielding a reserve team for the last match of the season against School Girls Rock FC. A win for The Girls could save them relegation.
• David Couper has been linked with a €12.3 million move to Barcelona. The player stated “I’m Melee through and through, I couldn’t leave the club even if I wanted to.”
• Melee players will don a black arm band in their game against The Hurracaines in remembrance of Arthur Francis. The avid fan had a heart attack due to the surprise of his favourite player, Peter Goulding, scoring a header.
• Justin Singlehurst is rumoured to have been invited to be a part of next year’s ‘I’m a celebrity get me out of here.’

Golden boot award
Goulding 8
Samuel 7
Porter 3
Tafe 2
Webb 1
Singlehurst 0
Couper 0

Title winning loosers

Giles Grimandi looks like he could be named Arsenal's Director of football, I dunno what is going on there. I just his management is better than his tackling. Anyway I was having this discussion with Dave and Al about who the worst player to ever win a Premeirship title is. My opinion is that you cant get a lot worse than Giles who won 2 doubles?????
Any thoughts

Potential is one thing.....ability another

With Manchester United starting the summers frenzied transfer activity by splashing out over £30 million on two unproven youngsters, I thought it worthwhile to have a look at some of the biggest transfer flops of the premiership

Francis Jeffers was signed by Arsenal for a whopping £10 million. Awful, awful player. Remembered more for that horrific dive, than for his footballing ability. Now plys his trade with Ipswich Town

George Weahs cousin. Signed by Souness for southampon, and boasting the same blood line as the former World Footballer of the Year, he was played without having been properly assessed. He had what must be the shortest career in football. Having come on as a second half substitute, he was subbed back off after about 12 minutes. He now lives as a nomad liberia.

Next inline is Massimo Taibi. *THAT* goal from le tissier that went through his legs saw his united career cut short. Off he went.

Stan collymore. Three times a bad signing. The worst must have been alaves though who paid him a huge signing on fee, and then he retired without playing a month of football.

veron. again a reoffender. 48 million pounds have been spent on this guy buy united and chelsea. and he wasn't worth a quarter of it.

he waddles when he runs. he tries when he defends. titus bramble.

Finally, I'll leave you with one of the many many houllier signings who arrived over his liverpool tenure. He signed so many players and lavished them with hype that they could not reach. Bruno Cheyrou, signed for 4million(?) and dubbed the next zidane by gerard houllier.

More banter

Seeing there are quite a few of us with jobs that allow for a lot of web surfing time I think we need a lot more banter on the melee blog. I read in the paper that youtube is overtaking bbc.co.uk in UK hits so I think that needs to be our goal. Check puremelee then bbc.co.uk. Maybe more controversial posts need to be made. Rossi to replace Henry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Match report 20th June 2007

Welwyn Pressive vs Melee

Melee were looking forwards to this ealy game after almost drowning in their own tiredness in the previous week. A late minute draft saw Edward Wilkinson replacing Kevin Webb in goal and the still injured Webb looking at a role at the front. Fans were scared, and cries of "What the **** is he doing outfield" could be heard from the stands. However, the early start meant the Wilko was nowhere to be seen and Webb took up his usuall role as keeper.
The match started off five on five and looked fairly even. Pressive took the early initiative with a good move a quick shot that everyone watched bounce firmly off the post.
5 minutes had been played before both teams brought on their sixth man. Webb looked extatic as he took of the goalie gloves and wandered up the pitch. Play soon quickened up and Melee found a lot of space, Goulding playing a "holding" midfield role waltzed up the pitch and had a snap shot with his left which managed to find the net, one nil. Pressive heads went down as Melee threaded passes throughout the midfield. Samuel Amorim, playing a free role, linked well with Webb in a move that ended with Webb curling one past the keeper and brushing the cross bar. Soon after this Webb finished calmly to put Melee two goals up, he quickly rushed over to the stands and was heard to say "That's what the **** I'm doing outfield".
Things didnt die down in the second half Welwyn's key man drifted past Goulding who managed only to take the players shoe off. With his right foot's new found freedom the forward took a pot shot which looped and dipped into the Melee goal. Melee's answer saw 'rock' Justyn Singlehurst play a beautiful ball through four players to the advancing Goulding who took it round the keeper for his second. At this point Pressive hearts collapsed and Melee engaged the cruise control. A great passing display opened up a lot of space for Melee and saw Tafe free on the left to have a few shots. A well worked move gave Samuel an open goal, which somehow got saved, many threats were directed at the Brasilian by team mates, which fired the forward to launch an incredible curling shot into the top corner of the goal. Another goal from Samuel and one more from Goulding secured a 6-1 win.
Man of the match: Justyn Singlehurst put in a solid display digging Melee out of some tricky spots and generally marking like a high rate school teacher.
Miss of the match: Has to go to Samuel, thankfully he makes up for it by being ridiculously good looking.

Team line Ups:
Melee
Wilkinson, Singlehurst, Tafe, Goulding, Samuel, Webb
Goals: Goulding 3, Samuel 2, Webb
Welwyn Pressive
Keep, Some guy, Other guy, Ginga, Yellow shirt guy, Token black guy
Goals: Ginga


Speculation

• Kevin Webb's grin after the game suggests that he may not want to ever play in goal again. In a later interview he stated "I have a new found respect for keepers."
• Perhaps prematurly looking at the Premiership trophy, arguments have arisen in the Melee camp about where the trophy will be kept. Last years trophy is being monitored by £125,000 worth of Singlehurst security equipment. The player is said to have gotten paranoid when a team mate looked at the trophy for too long. The new trophy may be given to the golden boot winner.
• David Couper's loan deal to Lolliondo Cubs is set to end this week.
• Andrew Porter is recovering from an ear ache given to him by frustrated parents but should make it back for the next match against second place Harlow FC.
• It has been leaked that Samuel Amorim will be given a controversial drug treatment to stop his legs shaking when he gets infront of goal.
• Melee are putting in a £1,250,000 bid for Wigan keeper Chris Kirkland who is restless after speculation that his club are to sign Carlo Nash. Webb has put his full backing behind this offer.
• The big question for now is 'Will Porter and Couper find their places when they return to the team?' A survey of 100 fans showed that 53% thought that neither would start in their next match, 35% thought that one of the pair would start and 12% did not know who Porter and Couper were. One fan said "I thought that they were the team mascots"

Golden boot award
Goulding 7
Samuel 5
Porter 3
Tafe 2
Webb 1
Singlehurst 0
Couper 0

Return of the mac

Good day,

First up, i'm back in town tomorrow, and will hopefully (if I get in) be playin a spot of something-a-side with melee once again.

Prepare yourselves for some copmosed finishing, combative tackling, combined with a dash of the swagger that you love to hate.

Wonderful.

Secondly, I realise (as current-jonny-abroad), i have let the side down on pictures and posts. Pete will do a better job for the next 35 years that he will be in the states.

I actually have some pics that i'll whack up here after i come back from inglaterra.

..and finally. Hands up who wants to go and do a spot of this at some point
San joan - Its fun to get trampled on by horses

Only 1 melee.

Match Report 2nd May 2007

The biggest game of the season.
Team Handsome are the only team other than Melee that seem to be able to beat the other teams in the league, so this game appeared to be a tester for Melee. However, the whole team and even the pitch-invasion predictor seemed fairly confident that Melee would cruise it.
I can't really remember much of the game so this wont be the longest match report ever.
Team sheet - Kevo, Dave, Ports, Justyn, Samuel, Pete and Tafey (I don't know how to spell his name so I might have to stick with calling him new guy).
Things started brightly for Melee with Team Handsome not looking to happy with each other, a bit of arguing in the ranks lead to them going down 2-0. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that Samuel scored both of them. Second half things went slightly down hill, a perhaps premature descision saw Kevo (who thought it was 3-0) coming out of goal for Samuel. At this point Melee got a bit bored with the game and decided to let in a couple of goals to make it more interesting (perhaps because some people thought it would still be 3-2). No recovery was even thought about before the ref blew for full time. End result 2-2.
Highlights of the game - can't remember
Man of the match - can't remember
Comical moments - erm let me think, nope can't remember
Speculation
- Goalkeeper Kevin Webb may take a few weeks off, local papers believe that it is to deal with a potential computer game addiction.
- Defensive Rock David Couper will be serving his six week ban (recieved this week for mooning referee Xavier S. Wang) starting after next weeks match. At a press conference Couper was heard trying to claim the strikers role for his last match. He was quickly denied by his manager.
- Justyn Singlehurst's guide to football will be released this week. 'Flailing arms - how they've worked for me' is set to sell 23 copies, a record for a Melee player.

0-60 times by Melee Drivers

Me and Pete have recently been trying different cars out and their 0-60 times.
We have listed a few - please add more cars - just add a comment with the Driver name - witness name, time, car type , and age of the car. - all tests were done on a legal road!
Pete (driver) David (witness) Vauxhall Corsa - 2000 - 13.8 seconds
David (driver), Pete (witness) Skoda Felicia 1998 - 18.6 seconds
David (driver), Pete (witness) VW Sharan, 1998 - 11.2 seconds
Pete (driver), David (witness) Ford Mondeo, 1997 - 10 seconds (with faulty speedo)
Pete (driver), Pete's mum and dad (witness) Citroen Xsara, 2007 - 10 seconds
David (driver), Pete (wintess) Ford Transit 1994 - 38.7 seconds

Match Report 25th April 2007

The second early kick off in two weeks saw Melee field a slightly changed side. With their usual goalkeeper- Kevin Webb out at an awards dinner, it was time for Samuel to play in goal, and new boy whose name I cannot remember played up font.

The match was ridiculously one sided - with 5 of melee's 6 players largely camped in the opposition half. It was however the opposition (ABCDE FC) that broke the deadlock in commical fashion. a weak shot from their centre forward was inexplicibly not picked up by sam until late and the ball bobbled under him.

No one in the Melee camp pannicked and was not long before a pass from Couper sent Justyn (and all his flailing limbs) scampering down the right, he then put a beautiful cross in for Pete who punished the ball from about 4 yards out into the roof of the net. 1-1.

From this point Melee did not look back - with goals from Porter, 2 from New guy, one more from justyn and pete. The highlights begin New guy taking down a long ball and instantly hitting the ball past the desparing goalkeeper who was back tracking after an attempted attack.

This game laid to rest once and for all the myth that Melee could not score by passing through a team. Most of the goals came from persistant pressure and confident ball play from each of the melee players.
Final Score: 6-1
Blunder of the week: Sorry Sam - but you win hands down - but dont worry it is the only week you will probably ever win it!
Man of the Match: New Guy - after coming in and playing with a team of strangers - he came in played a relaxed passing game, did his bit in defense and scored a couple of beauties!!

Match Report 18th April 2007

Melee faced some tough opposition in their 2nd match of the league against AFK Lawnmower.
Pre-match from melee was just that...melee, with half the team turning up as kick off was being taken. They were duely repremanded and it looks likely that the club will impose fines. Neither Justyn, Ports or Sam were around to comment on their attendance.

Melee started brightly and were 1-0 up within a couple of minutes. A great move involved Pete and Samuel led to a good start from the Harpenden boys.
The rest of the first half was flowing football with Kev not troubled in goal. In fact to stay awake Kev had to try and play as an outfield player to get some involvement.

The second half began with Melee having a solid 3-0 lead, and two breakaway goals - one from Justyn and one from ports lead to a comfortable 5-0 scoreline.

Then Melee's hopes of a clean sheet were dashed by the man in black. Having given a throw in to Melee the referee changed his mind without saying anything and the melee team were (figuratively) caught with their trousers down and the AFK Lawnmower striker sliced the ball into the top of the net.
Final score 5-1


Man of the Match: Justyn - his late arrival almost cost him his place in the melee line up but he redeemed his error and despite a couple of one on ones that went wrong, he put in a solid performace all over the park.

There's always one sport we'll do well in....

With England's footballers having a pretty miserable week, following on from Flintoff and Co's Caribbean holiday extravaganza, you may think that England is not performing on the world stage in sports. Think again.

In December 2006, less than 4 months ago, England were crowned with the prestigious MacRobertson Shield at the 19th Croquet World Series held in Shepparton Croquet Club, Victoria, Australia.

It apparently went unnoticed in the press....wonder why.

Caribbean
A fantastic bit of internet text commentary was placed on the bbc website today in the 19th over of England and Ireland's group match.

"Botha is tighter than Rik Waller's knicker elastic in this over, maiden over. KP will have to start giving it some tap-tap-tapparoo in a minute."

Absolutely fantastic.

Is Riise truly a great?
It has been claimed before on this blog, by certain unbyassed liverpool supporters, that Mr. Riise (did you score a goal), is the best left back in the world. It would appear that there is some weight to this claim.

Take a look at a sample of all the greats in a variety of fields. Muhammed Ali, Pele, Michael Jackson, Mike Tyson, Donald Trump, Elton John, Henry Ford, Oscar Wilde, Walt Disney...

What do these people have in common? All of them filed for bankruptcy at one point in their career....just as the ginger haired left back has done now

Retarded people

These are from a little book called "Disorder in the Court."
They're things people actually said in court, word for word.
Some lawyers are retarded, how do they get paid so much?

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteen.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

Q: And where was the location of the accident?
A: Approximately milepost 499.
Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.

Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.

Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
A: After the accident?
Q: Before the accident.
A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.

Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?
A: Yes.
Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: What did she say?
A: What disco am I at?

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about
it until the next morning?

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?

Q: Did he kill you?

Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?

Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true?

Q: How many times have you committed suicide?

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

Q: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
A: I went to Europe, Sir.
Q: And you took your new wife?

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice
which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy.

Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began
the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

Q: You were not shot in the fracas?
A: No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel.

Linguistic Interests

I have been going to language lessons for a while now. No, not to curb my torrets, but to try and learn to speak with the strange vocabulary of the locals.

These lessons have never been good, far from it.

In a class of 20, that all paid up front with no refund available, 6 now attend.

The way it works over here is that in order to become a citizen, or get a visa, you need to have 250 language credits. These are obtained by attending 5 language courses. This is probably where the problem starts.

No assesment whatsoever is performed on the students, so neither can teaching be assessed.

Yesterdays lesson took a new low...
Let me describe it here for you, I shall refer to 'The teacher' as Barry:

The lesson starts almost on time, and we are given 2 sheets of text and told to 'fill in the blanks'. The answers are given to us on a separate sheet, so it seems to be a rather pointless exercise, but we all do it nonetheless.

Barry then goes off to photocopy some lyrics to a song that he wants to play for us.....ok

The next 5 minutes I had to control myself from laughing as we listen to some terrible music and the chap sitting next to me decides to sing along to a tune he clearly doesn't know.

Barry apparently listens to this music 3 times a day. Not sure if it is for religious reasons, as i don't know what the song is about at this point.

In his great wisdom, Barry decides to translate the text for us. Since we are in a foreign language class, it would seem silly not to speak English for the next 30 minutes.

Oh, and it turns out we were listening to a love song. Barry kept on going on about it being beautiful. Bizarre, considering the song was written by a 60 yr old native about a teenage thai boy that cleaned elephants.

Worlds Best!

As we all know only to well just because you have the potential to be the best, doesn't mean that you'll realise it. Case in point Lomana LuaLua: if he'd stayed at colchester a little longer and had better luck with injuries he could have been the best.
Fortunatly there's light at the end of the tunnel and he's name is Kazenga LuaLua. Here's what wikipedia has to say:
Kazenga LuaLua (born December 10, 1990) is a football player from the Democratic Republic of Congo. He currently plays in England for Newcastle United.

LuaLua moved to England shortly after his birth. He has since progressed in Newcastle United's youth academy, and currently plays for the reserve team. Kazenga was called up to the senior squad for the first time with Newcastle Utd for the 3rd round FA Cup game against Birmingham City on 6 January 2007. At just sixteen years and 27 days old, Kazenga would have been the youngest player to appear in the famous Black and White stripes of Newcastle United had he made it onto the pitch: the record is currently held by Steve Watson.

He was part of the Newcastle United youth team that reached the semi-final of the FA Youth Cup in the 2005-06 season. The team was captained by Paul Huntington, who, like Kazenga, is beginning to make his mark on the first team.

His cousin Lomana LuaLua is also a professional footballer, with Newcastle United being one of his former clubs, and currently plays for Portsmouth

1st Annual "jonnifier"

It was talked about last year, but never really happened. But, the idea has come back around. "What is this crazy idea that your having?" I hear you cry.
Well, firstly, its not that crazy.

It involves:

• time : first saturday of august
• location : rothy, harpo
• people :you (and everyone you want to spend an afternoon with)
• activities : chilling, football, cricket, socialising
• food :bring your own meat/drink - its bbq time

The idea, last year, was to provide a time where jonnys and extended jonnys can get together and meet up.

Kev's suggestion was extendin it so that its an opportunity not just for us to meet up but for you to meet up with all the people u haven't seen for a while, like getting your uni mates down.

Some sort of night out would follow from the afternoon in the sun...

The Annual Jonnifier. What are your thoughts?

FINNAN DEEMED PREMIERSHIP’S BEST

The proof is finally here! A number of melee players have been championing for his cause and finally he has been recognised.
Liverpool full-back Steve Finnan is currently the best defender in the Premiership according to The Actim Index.
The index is calculated from goals, shots, passes, dribbles, assists, tackles, crosses, saves, clearances, blocks, interceptions, time on the pitch and the number of points gained by a player's team. Marks are deducted for red and yellow cards.

Finnan is the top performing defender this season, beating Rio Ferdinand and Gary Neville into second and third place.

stick cricket

If you haven't checked it out yet, have a look at the new stick cricket, featuring left-handed batsmen, stadiums and new graphics.....

Champions League

You probably all saw liverpool scrape through on the dubious aways goal rule last night. Hats off to them for making the competition easier to win for everyone else in it.

You may not, however, have seen the highlights of the Valencia-Inter game. The final score was 0-0, with valencia going through on away goals. It sparked some crazy scenes at the end of the match with a Brazilian style fight on the middle of the pitch.

Watch this video of the fight: fight replay,
Talk about running to fight another day!
A live version of the fight can be found here

Lookalikes!

Pennant





Legend

Kev or Craig?

Lunch Break Browser Updates

Here's a selection of great plug-ins for your firefox browser.

If your not using mozilla firefox, you can download the latest version here

1. Download Statusbar
This statusbar changes the way that downloads work. They'll now appear on the bottom bar of your browser

2. Gmail Manager
Allows you to log in to all of your gmail accounts without changing the page.

3. GooglePreview
Shows the web pages as an image in your google and yahoo results.

4. Gmail Space
Lets you use your 2.5GB of gmail space as a hardrive of stuff for yourself. Accessible any place, any time.

5. Split Browser
Split your browser into different sections so you can view 2 pages at once

6. Tab Catalog
Click on this button to change tab:



7. Tab Effect
Changes tabs in a graphical way


8. VideoDownloader
Download videos from youtube, dailymotion etc onto your hard drive!

3 things to change

Here is a non-extensive look into 3 things that should be changed in football.
1. Holding the ball in the corner with 5 minutes to play:
Nwanko Kanu was famous for doing this when he came to the premiership, and there have been many others since. I want to see the back of it. It is not Football. They created the pass back rule, they created the 6 second rule, and they should impose a rule here. Maybe a similar time-based rule, that you can only be in the 'zone' between the area and the touchline for 5 seconds, or leave it to the referee's descrection to give a foul the other way. It is unsporting, it is unentertaining, I don't like it, surely no one does.

2. Diving: but first lets do what we can

I think that there will probably always be the opportunity to cheat in football by persuading the referee, through act, that you have been fouled when you haven't been. But I think there are some things that can be done to stop it being so regular or so sickening.
Firstly, use injury sin-bins based on time on the floor. If a man is hurt whilst shopping androlls around for 2 minutes on the floor in anguish he cannot get back up and continue to walk down the high street. If a footballer does it, it should be assumed that they are in total pain and either a forced substitution should take place, or else they should 'require' 10 minutes recovery time on the side of the pitch. That would take care of the exagerrators.
Secondly, if a player is guilty of diving, he should be treated with as much contempt as if he had been caught paying the referee off before the game. Let us not foget that he has indeed cheated. The dives posted below, especially Thierry Henry's, and a whole host of others should warrant 4 match bans. That would be a deterrent for the Ronaldo's of the world.

3. No quick free kicks where a wall has been set up

This should never have been allowed in the first place. The keeper is obviously going to set up the wall by checking one of his posts.
A free kick was never supposed to be more valuable than a penalty.
The way it is working at the moment puts too much power in the hands of the referee as it is his decision whether they can or can't take the early free kick (and the subsequent goal)

Tuesday Randoms

It happens almost every game in the Premiership now, and people have come to accept that diving is 'part and parcel' of football. Need it be?
Regardless of whether it should or shouldn't be in the game, here is an opportunity to look at some of the outrageous dives that we have gotten used to.

• This is Henry's dive from the other week. Its one of the worst.
• Here are a collection of dive's from the world cup
• This is an advert for a Ronaldo Action Figure following his world cup antics. "The Number 17 Portuguese Action Figure"
• Here is some insight into the Italian training camp
• And how could I create a diving list without the one and only Didier Drogba. Here is a diving competition between him and Lehmann

Lunch Break Trailers

Here is a selection of films that are a recommended watch, although I have only actually seen Little Miss Sunshine out of them all, I will be watching the rest soon.

Number 23 stars the one the only Jim Carrey in a thriller based around a man who becomes obsessed with a book that appears to be based on his life







Babel stars Brad Pitt, Cate Blanchett and Gael García Bernal (the quality guy from Ammores Perros). I haven't seen Babel yet, but the trailer looks good.







Little Miss Sunshine is a film about a disfunctional family who travel to california for a beauty competition for their daughter to enter.







An Inconvenient Truth stars the man who introduces himself as "I was the next president of the united states", Al Gore. It is a documentary about the effects of global warming. Watch the trailer at least.






Blood Diamond stars Leonardo DiCaprio in a moving film about conflict diamonds.

The Last King of Scotland is a true story about a scottish physician who finds himself working for the Ugandan dictator Idi Amin in the 1970s. The trailer intrigues and I will be watching this one soon.





And finally, here comes another film in the 'Oceans' series. Imaginatively called Oceans 13. I think it looks set to disappoint. It comes out in the states this summer
Oceans 13

Transfer Kitty

This summer is going to be a big summer for transfers. The question I put to you is:

Which Premiership club will spend the most this summer?


Before you have a guess, here's a list of who I think will be among the big spenders:
Chelsea: Realing from the loss of 'their' championship to Manchester United, they will inevitably react with a spot of retail therapy
Liverpool: With brand new owners promising to invest around £200 into the club, expect Rafa Benitez to sign half of Spain.
Manchester United: With the money in from the title win, plus only having spent half their budget last season, a big summer awaits
Aston Villa: In a similar position to Liverpool with their new owner wanting to break into the top 4. Villa will spend big.
The rest of the premiership: With the new TV deal, realistically anyone could spend the most. It would just take an ambitious owner, with bigger eyes than his wallet. Niall Quinn for example.

And there is more

The internet is a wonderful thing. As stated below, it is now possible to watch streaming television from all over the world using freetube. Not only that, but it has been brought to my attention by a Mr Goulding that there is a site out there with greater potential for you.
Actually, there are two.

1 of them, tvlinkmovies.com offers you a selection of the films that you could find in imdb.com. I know you'll be enjoying watching some March of the Penguins over the weekend.

The second one seemingly has every episode of every season of every series out there. From friends to curb your enthusiasm, from Mr Bean to Scrubs.

That is definately one for you to check out.

Prepare to have your world rocked...

A new web-site has opened by the name of FreeTube. It might sound like a youtube rip off, but it is far far from that, and it may change the way we watch TV.

The site offers free television channels from all over the world, broken down into categories. It is pretty quick to load each channel: when I watched SkySports News just now, it took about 5 seconds.

Additionally, and this is where you will become slightly more interested, it has Fox Soccer Channel, which hosts the premiership with 3pm kick offs included. Bye-bye TV Licence.

Go to FreeTube and select the channel that you want.

Posting on Blogger

Google has changed the way that you use blogger.

They have integrated it with the gmail service, so you now log on using your gmail account. If you don't have a gmail account, you need to be invited to set one up, so leave a comment request.

As a result, jonny has set up a gmail account, so you can log in with jonnymelee@gmail.com with the password the same as before.

Luke and Kev can log in as before, and you'll be prompted to switch to the new version.

Chase that Stag

Ok guys. Where there's wedding, there's a groom (lesbian marriages excluded). Where theres a groom, theres a stag do.
I've just spoken to Dave, aka Best Man, and it looks like that it is going to happen sometime over the weekend of the 9th/10th of June. So keep it free.
Get in touch with Dave if you wanna share the burden of organising/comin up with ideas. I know that Dave wouldn't have had a stag-do if it wasn't for Ben!

Also, check out this fight in the QPR v China game last week.

Premiership v La Liga

It is claimed on quite a regular basis that the premiership is 'The Best League in the World'.
I say: Rubbish.
When it comes to this time of the year, what you really want in your league, no matter who you support, is an open contest as to who can become champions. If you remember a few seasons ago, on the last day of the season at the other end of the table, any one of 4 teams could stay up and the rest would go down.
If you look at the top of the Premiership now, it would appear that United have won the league, and if they have not it will be Chelsea. No it won't be liverpool, neither Arsenal.
This is the problem.
In spain, 13th placed Deportivo are as close to winning the title as 4th placed Arsenal. What a better run in. The gap between 1st and 2nd in England is filled by the top 4 in Spain. The top 3 in England covers the top 8 in Spain.
In order for the premiership to actually be the best league in the world, a far greater level of competition has to be established.




Pictures taken from soccernet.com

Spare Time

I had a couple of minutes free the other night so I thought I'd do this....

This is just a quick post of various e-mails gone around that you may or may not have received. Enjoy:

To join the stickcricket campaign and get Services to the premiership, click here

To see the biggest NES collection on sale on e-bay, click here

To see a video of me, nick, kev, pete and tom's trips to Menorca click here

To have a look at how far, or how close, Kings Sports are from getting to compete with the likes of Manchester United, Chelsea and Wigan, click here

To watch a video of some american guy doing unbelievable impressions of Snoop, LL, Jayz, and DMX, (no not one of the 'bens' justyn) click here

Check this video out of the Air Guitar World Championships

Also, taken from BBC SPORT:
Down in South America, a Boca Juniors fan is suing a tattooist who inked a giant penis on to his back instead of the club crest he requested.

Unbeknown to him, the tattooist was a supporter of arch-rivals River Plate and could not bring himself to do the dirty deed.

The victim told police: "I could not see what he was tattooing because he didn't have a mirror. I only saw it when I got home and showed it to my parents." Ouch.

Anyone for some sheep

In the old viking calendar, today (i think) is the start or end of a month. Clearly more research would have made this a more interesting read.

Anyway, to celebrate: sheep head festival!

Here goes...

Ok, so this melee blog has fast become an alex blog, which is annoyin, but hey, who cares. I've decided to take this thing by the scruff of the neck and actually put some stuff on here, in the hope that others may feel inspired to follow suit...or not.

First up, is wedding issues. So me and the H are engaged now and all. Weddin plan as it stands is to try and book out some accomodation for all the foreigners comin, and have it for the week leading up to the wedding, I'm assumin that all the jonnys will be making there way across the north sea/atlantic.
Invites will be sent as soon as this accomodation is booked, and then you'll be havin to book your flights.

Second up, disappointment at the lack of jonny melee action. Someone phone up a 5-a-side place and sort that out I beg. I know u haven't got 5 definates like last season, but in the beginning of melee, in dunstable, kev me and nick were the only core, and u've got sam kev and justyn as 'definates'.
Then you have the layer of 'non-dependables', who'll play maybe 2 out of 3: Dave, Pedre. And after that rather small layer, you have a richly populated layer of 'ringers', including: Ports, Nikky F (if he's up), Drewin, Ben Foz (if he's up), Jay, Justyn's mate who we've stood up, Luke if he's up, me when i'm back, Sam booker, any one who plays for kings.

New Years

My favourite moment of New Years, just canny!! nice job boys!