Wednesday the fourteenth of September two thousand and eleven was a glorious late summers evening. The majority of the footballing world was focused on the return of the champions league, however few could have failed to notice the statement of intent melee sent out to their rivals and indeed the world.
This weeks game saw Melee tackle their closed rival in the league in the form of On Her Majesty’s Cervix. A win for melee would secure the title with a game to go, and loss would take the league to its final week.
The match started in Melee's usual style, as they arrogantly knocked the ball about, sizing up their opponents. Melee’s early pressing effectively killed their opponents attacking endeavors. Sensing blood, melee pounced, sweeping the ball from one side of the pitch to the other, resulting in a neat one-two on the edge of the box releasing Kev through for a neat finish passed the keeper.
Alex Ferguson would later say that evening “It was a fantastic finish by the young lad”, huge praise indeed for the Melee talisman.
From this moment on the flood gates opened, and melee made it 4.0 by half time, with Kev completing his hat trick and Dave powering home from close range.
After this the heavens opened, it stated raining goals!! Not to be out down by this striking partner Dave hit a brace of goals with one a particularly stunning move involving an inspired one-two with Chris P.
Roberto Mancini would later say “Those two have a great understanding of each other and the game”.
Melee were all over their opponents like a fat kid eating cake and by this time were not only playing against the opponents, they were also playing against the referee. This led to the melee boys pushing on for more, unfortunately, they were caught! (Caught by a throw in that the ref got wrong). A three on one brake was too much even for the heroics of Fabio. Although this did little for the score, (10-1 at this stage). it did bring an end to the longest period without conceding a goal in melee 5-aside history of 58 minutes.
The game ended 12-2 with every outfield player finding their way onto the scoresheet. The result secured back-to-back promotions and Melee now find themselves in the (London Westminster) Premier League.
The win also extends Melee’s winning run to 12 games which spans back to the 29th of June. Pitch-invasion has now labeled Melee’s form with a Treat level of 10/10 which is the highest praise the website will give.
The win has also prompted the melee fan base to swell as a promise of a fan to cheer on the team when they lift the title next week. Melee hasn’t seen this type of fan base since the North London Powerleague tournament last May, in which 3 Fans made the journey. Our treasured fans though know how to keep their teams feet on the ground as on that occasion they let half way through to go shoe shopping. One fan was quoted as saying “the pitches smelled too much so we thought we’d nip to the shops”.
In melee we trust.
Goal Scorers 14.09.11
Kev 5
Dave 5
Chris P 1
Nick 1
Records:
Personal
Longest period without conceding a goal in 5-aside – Fabio – 58 mins
Most balls kicked over the fence in one game – Small guy for OHMC – 3 times
Team
Longest winning streak – 12 games
1 comment:
superb write-up, cracked me up.
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